I am With You Always
by moonotter
Summary: Modern!AU. Morgana finds that her dreams show her a mysterious man with black hair and one she can never see clearly. After saving a cat and being rescued herself, she meets a strange man, Merlin. There's something more than he's letting on and maybe it's connected to her dreams.
1. I am with You Always

_Authors Notes: Sort of an AU!Modern Reincarnation of Merlin. I actually have no idea how to classify what exactly this AU is specifically because it just kind of moved in it's own direction. This is my first Merlin AU, so any feedback / reviews would be nice. Somehow I got back into the series after years, and, yeah totally reminded me of my affections for Mergana. Hope you enjoy._

* * *

_I am with You Always_

Sometimes she had dreams. Vivid dreams that she felt sometimes came true. Not always in the ways she expected. They occurred regardless at times. Horrible nightmares to, although she believed they didn't always come true. Truthfully she hadn't meant to take an afternoon nap on her day off. She had and she dreamed she was a princess and her friend Gwen was her handmaiden but it felt as it did now and not like there was a divide between them since Gwen teased her about being a _Lady_. Her eyes fluttered open from the sepia toned dream. She found her arms at angles around her head while she rested on the sofa. Her hand reached for her phone. It was nearing eight and her show would be coming on.

She splashed her face with water before looking at herself in the mirror. Morgana seemed like such a ridiculous name that in secondary school she pleaded with her parents to change her name to something more normal like Morgan. It was a beautiful name, her mother scorned her. Her phone beeped again. Gwen asked if she was sure she wanted to watch the series finale alone, she and Arthur were nearby anyway. She messaged her friend no. Her brother and Gwen were fully aware that she had hated how this last season was turning out and it left her with little faith in the finale. Words she'd never thought she'd say. Morgana grabbed the thick blanket off her bed and put it on the sofa. Then she poured herself a glass of red wine and turned on the tv and pulled the blanket over her legs.

In moments, she saw her hero get murdered. Daenerys had trusted Jon, despite how many times he'd betrayed her, and he had thrust a sword through her stomach. Remorse, possibly, but a cowards face. A snort came from Morgana. What a ridiculous way to kill of a powerful morally grey female character. The rest of the episode was just as anticlimactic. It felt... hollow as well. As if she'd lost a part of herself. She drank the rest of the wine, turned off the lights and went to her bedroom in the dark. The flat was small, modest, even if she could have gotten a larger place this felt more like home. Sometimes she wished she could move to the countryside and get a house with a red door and a forest nearby, but only if she'd had a family. She pulled the blankets close to herself. Long ago she accepted she'd live alone and focus on her career instead.

Once more she dreamt of a man with raven black hair but she couldn't see his face. It felt so familiar. Something felt daunting. She could feel his hands on her waist pulling her closer and she itched to kiss the mystery man that had plagued her dreams for so long. And just like every other time. Morgana woke up.

Any other day she would've taken the small backpack that could fit what she needed. Instead she put her tablet into the larger runsack she had along with the lunch she had made herself. The sun was bright and warm today and she had a good feeling about it. She went into the cafe down the street as she always did. She ordered the same latte, as she always did. She took the Northbound rail of the tube, as she always did. And then she decided to cut through the park instead of going around it since it would be more direct to the office. In the middle of the street she saw a small black cat sitting. It looked at her with big blue eyes and it's paw didn't look right. She knelt down and it brushed against her leg, limping.

"C'mon let's get you out of the street," she said, standing up and cradling him in her arms.

"Watch out!" another voice shouted.

She perked up, startled by the sound. Then she saw the large truck that was headed straight for her. The wind was knocked out of her. She landed on the concrete sidewalk with the kitten still in her arms. There were arms around her.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd let me go," she said.

The arms pulled away. She stood up. Then she turned around, meaning to say thank you to her savior before being stunned. He was tall, with long black hair and wore a red scarf over his black coat and she could see the royal blue sweater under. Strikingly familiar, and she couldn't quite place it.

"It's not always smart to dawdle with cats in the middle of the street," he said sternly.

"Yes, yes of course, thank you for saving us," she said.

He looked quizzically at the cat.

"That was definitely filling me with more dread when I saw you," he said. "S'it got a name?"

She tilted her head as the blue eyed cat looked at her.

"I think I'm going to call him Mordred for now," she said. "I'll just be late trying to find a vet to fix his paw, see if anyone owns him."

The man seemed surprised by the name.

"Sorry, I'm Morgana," she said.

She adjusted Mordred into the crook of one arm while stretching out her other hand. Hesitantly he shook it.

"Merlin," he said. "There's a vet er round the corner."

"Would you mind showing me?" she asked.

It's not particularly coy nor seductive. Still, Merlin walked a few steps ahead of her. He's saved her life in the middle of the road, she doubts he'd try to murder her in a back alley. Mordred purs loudly in her arms. Somehow she starts rambling. She tells him how her brother has sandy colored hair but keeps it short so it always looks brown and struggles in the Naval Academy. Of course their father is a Captain for the Royal Army and is insistent on Arthur joining as well to carry on the legacy. She meant to go into business but ended up with a Political Science Bachelor (er Masters) and is currently the assistant for a cabinet member of parliament.

"Did you always want a cat?" he asked her.

She looked at him with a surprised expression. Of all the semi-personal details she could've shared with a stranger and he asks about damn cats?

"I had a Samoyed as a child I named Aithusa," Morgana said softly. "My... dad made me give her away though."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Merlin responded.

They arrived at the vet and lingered outside the doors. She looked at her shoes, or attempted to over Mordred in her arms.

"I should... er..." he fumbled.

"Would you like to see if he's alright with me? It's a logical progression after you saved us," she blurted out.

They waited in the lobby for one of the vets to be free. Soon enough a horde of small corgis on leashes walked out with a frail old woman. The vet was friendly enough, Mordred had a sprained paw that was wrapped up and should heal in about a week, didn't have a chip and a classified stray. Morgana immediately put herself up for adopting him, knowing that black cats didn't have much luck in shelters.

"I'm glad he's found a home," Merlin said as they walked out.

"I think he is too," Morgana said, holding the kitten closer to her.

"Main street is back this way."

He started to walk next to her as they made their way back to the main road. Her heart ached, facing the possibility that they would go their separate ways never to see each other again. He would likely go back to whatever life he had, and she would make her way back to the office back to a relatively boring life. Something inside of her didn't want to let this strange man go.

"Are you going to carry him around all day?" he asked.

"Oh, I suppose I will. Actually, I should probably go home and drop him off. My boss would understand if I'm late," Morgana rambled. "If I didn't have to worry about his paw I'd just hide him in my bag."

"Understandably so."

It had all seemed magical and perfect and then out of the corner of her eye she saw a familiar shape across the street. Her eyes widened recognizing her ex boyfriend Lancelot with his arm across a beautiful red headed woman. A sneer crossed her face. Her outfit was dreadfully tacky. Perhaps it wouldn't have hurt if she hadn't found out that Lancelot had been two timing her with Gwen, although he'd used a different alias which kept them from realizing they were going out with the same guy for a couple of months. The two of them had dumped him revealing that they knew he was a cheat. It had been easy to forgive Gwen, she was almost a sister and it was truly Lancelot's fault. At the same moment Lancelot noticed her and started to make his way through the traffic across.

"Do you know him?" Merlin asked, looking at the man curiously.

"I need you to do me a favor and kiss me right now," Morgana said.

"Pardon?"

"I said kiss me you idiot!"

Her hand reached for his neck and pulled down his tall lanky figure to meet her lips. It took him a moment to pull her close with Mordred in her arms. She felt herself relax and swore she was seeing gold sparks despite closing her eyes. Somehow... she felt whole. Their lips lingered as they tried to part. Morgana looked over and saw that Lancelot had turned around. Her hand rested on Merlin's chest.

"I'm... sorry, about that," Morgana said softly.

"Don't be," he said.

She started to pull her hand away from him. It was far too intimate for her liking. No, she did like it. Socially, it did seem too intimate for just meeting two hours ago. As her hand fell, she noticed he had in return reached out to hold it and she let him. The joy she felt meeting him, kissing him, departed her body. Her mind was screaming that this was wrong and that they weren't meant to be together. She thought of her nightmares and how horrible she could be at times, it was too much to expect a stranger to handle.

"Morgana," he said softly. She looked up at him. "I'm right here, everything's going to be okay."

"I'd like to believe you," she said with a forced smile.

He went to rub Mordreds ears and he gave a loud pur.

"Say what, I don't live too far from here and I'm assuming you'll be heading into the larger part of the city. I could watch him, if you'd like, and you can just drop by to pick him up," Merlin smiled.

"You'd be willing to help us like that?" Morgana asked.

"It's the least I can do."

Morgana bit her lip looking at Mordred.

"I'd have a feeling you'd do the same for me if it came to it," he said.

"Alright, I'll be off my shift at about five, six if I can't talk my boss out of it," she said. She stood up a little straighter and held her head a little more regal.

He gave a laugh. Mordred was pawing at her and she passed him into Merlin's arms. She looked at her phone, definitely an hour late.

"We'll be this way then," Merlin said.

She followed behind trying to text at the same time. She told Alvarr who was definitely there at this time that she would be another hour late and that it was a personal emergency. Understood. With a sigh, Morgana let her shoulders relax. Merlin was rambling about how he sometimes helped his Uncle at the nearby hospital, but didn't make a habit of it. At the moment he was really just an office temp. They turned onto Cornelia street to a house that was a white stone and brick in front.

"Well, this is where I'm at," Merlin said.

"Great, um, I have to get going," Morgana said. "I expect you not to hold him hostage."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

She stepped away from him and hailed a cab once she saw one. It would make the trip to the office easier. Morgause was indeed bitter when she came in late, and she did make Morgana stay at the office until six. The idea was that Morgause under the Tory party would have an easier time trying to rule legislation that was neutral or more Left under the guise of the right wing. Still, she saw Morgause was loosing her empathy for constituents and leaning far into the ideologies that Morgause had initially found revolting. Morgana considered quitting. But this was her best mate from Uni and it felt wrong to abandon her, even if it did go against her own political beliefs. She packed up her bags, dreadfully exhausted. At least tomorrow she had the late shift at the office. She decided to drop into the bistro next to the office to grab something for dinner. Hopefully Merlin hadn't eaten yet. It was more so in the gesture of a thanks.

Morgana stepped out of the cab, holding tightly onto the take out bag as she walked up to his flat. He opened the door, his hair tousled and Mordred at his feet with a gimp.

"Held up late?" he asked.

"She was not happy at all that I came in late," she said.

"That's my fault, I'm sorry. If I had known..."

She put her hand on his forearm.

"Merlin, it's okay," she smiled. "Besides, I got take out because I wasn't sure if you'd eaten and it seemed like a decent thanks."

"You're right about that," he said. "Come in, come in."

There were books everywhere. The furniture appeared as if it was modern... under the books. There were a few candles scattered around, unlit. A few strange antiques were placed on books randomly. The kitchen however, was open and the one part that seemed clean.

"He was an absolute mad man today," Merlin said, pulling out the to go boxes.

She looked down at Mordred.

"You shouldn't give Merlin a hard time," she said firmly.

"Merow," Mordred responded.

"No, I don't want to hear it."

Mordred hobbled to a makeshift bed of sweaters. She sat at the island counter next to him. Her brothers name was Arthur. His mother had lived in Ireland, his father was from Wales. She had studied at Oxford. He worked at a library before it went out of business hence the temp job and the books. She hated seafood besides sushi. He had to get his tea from this specific boutique in this small town in upper England, otherwise he'd run on coffee. She was somewhat extroverted which led to a number of friends. That was when he went... quiet.

"Sorry, did I say something wrong?" she asked. She prayed to the stars and the Heaven and whatever God there was that this wasn't going to lead to a red flag.

"No, no. I'm just... remembering my friends. It's only... natural that you start to loose friends... just... time," he said solemnly. "But I'm glad you have people around you that care about you."

Her fork went to poke at her food. To realize she'd probably finished it a while ago. And then she looked at her phone to see it had read ten o'clock. No wonder her eyesight was failing her.

"I'll help you clean up and then I'll... leave I guess," she muttered.

They worked in sync with each other. And then there was nothing else left to clean. Mordred was sound asleep on his bed of sweaters.

"Where did you say you lived again?" Merlin asked.

"Bromley," Morgana responded. "I'll just... take the tube..."

"Stay."

She looked at him with surprise.

"Look, it's late and it'd be round midnight by the time the train got where you needed it. There's a guest room upstairs you could borrow," Merlin rambled. "Then... leave in the morning... if you had to."

She'd like to think she knew Bromley well. That with her murderous stare she could get by unscathed.

"Alright," she said.

She ended up borrowing a green sweater from him which was fairly large on her. It would just have to do. Mordred slept on the spare pillow. Merlin hung in the door way of her room as she considered possibly waking up Mordred.

"I'm sorry if I was... pushy earlier," Merlin said.

Her feet took her closer to him.

"Goodnight Merlin," she smirked.

He kissed her lightly. The ache came crawling back wanting to consume him in a kiss. Her eyes stayed closed as he pulled away. She opened her eyes to see flecks of gold in his blue eyes. It was a trick of the light, she told herself.

"Goodnight Morgana."

Her dreams came by quickly. The mysterious man from her dreams took on the face of Merlin. It seemed like glimpses of a past life, in a place similar to the mediaeval time that came time and time again. And Merlin was friends with Arthur, who was more blonde, and he looked at her with awe. Just as quickly as the dreams came the nightmare followed. She saw her reflection in a lake and her hair was wild and messy and her beauty was leaving her face. She walked through a wood hearing the screams of men. In this dream, she felt herself, this dream self, had no regard for the men that were screaming. And then she saw Merlin. And he looked at her with so coldly and cruel, she didn't believe that this was her Merlin. Then he plunged a blade through her stomach. She woke up crying in pain.

* * *

_Authors Notes: I'm content leaving this as a standalone, but if you'd like to see anymore please leave a review. I'm absolutely for continuing this. _


	2. Would You Still Love Me

_Would You Still Love Me_

He loomed over the tome in his hands. Even his magic was wearing. It had been, after his episode a hundred years ago. He had tried desperately to get rid of the immortality he was "gifted" wanting it to end. Centuries after centuries past. His friends would be reincarnated every once in a while. He'd seen Gwen a couple of times. The knights of the round table popped up, a few times in pairs, or sometimes alternating who would show up. Arthur never showed. He'd been alive for a thousand and some odd hundred years, and Arthur never showed. Gradually he had allowed himself to age, and stayed an old man for some time. Morgana... Morgana always seemed to find him. Her first reincarnation had remembered her previous life rapidly and tried to kill him multiple times in revenge until she died. A few other times, she gradually remembered and as she did she began to resent him. The following incarnations weren't as bloodthirsty as the first two. Once, he found her and she was a scared little girl afraid of her magic, only she had been killed on accounts of witchcraft before they could run away. It had been her last incarnation that had done it for him...

His magical core kept a youthful appearance on the condition that his magic was fading. The world had shifted so much since the Great War, that he could feel the magic recede. Aithusa had given birth to a dragon egg before she passed with her magic leaving her. He wished that some incarnation of Morgana had been around when it had happened.

This was the first time in a hundred years that he had tried to conjure anything with his magic. Every once in a while he could do small things. It had been the girl in his guest room that had convinced him to try again. A flame in the shape of a dragon formed. Then he heard a familiar scream and the flame went out. He ran into the next room and turned on the light. Morgana was sitting up in the bed holding the sheets close to her as she cried. He sat on the edge of the bed and she threw her arms around him continuing to sob. He ran his hand down her hair in an effort to calm her. Gwen would have helped better. Her breath started to become shaky as she pulled away from him. She pushed away the tears with the bottom of her palm.

"Sorry. I... I have nightmares, sometimes," she said.

"What was it about?" he asked.

Her hand fell into his.

"I dreamt that you killed me. A sword through my stomach and you didn't... you didn't care that you were," she choked out.

She looked at him with pleading eyes. He felt himself tense.

"Sounds intense," he said.

"But you wouldn't... Nevermind, it's just my subconscious not recovering from the death of Daenerys," she said. It sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

"Daenerys?"

"Game of Thrones? The finale just happened Sunday?"

"Oh... oh right."

He much preferred radio to television if he was being honest.

"Have you even gone to bed yet?" she asked, her eyes widening as she noticed he was still wearing his day clothes.

"Erm, no," he said. "Bit of an insomniac."

Immortality meant he didn't have to sleep as much, but he still found it hard to go to sleep. Nightmares of his friends showed up too sometimes.

"I'll... change and try to go to sleep if it makes you happy," Merlin said.

She laid back down and he started towards the door, turning off the light.

"Come back, please," she said softly.

It had taken a while and she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She blinked back tears. He probably hadn't even heard her and if he had, well, it was ridiculous not to mention absolutely mental to ask to share a bed with a man she had only met earlier that day. Even if it had felt like she'd known him longer. Her breathing was even and she tried to fall asleep. Then she felt the bed move and she could hear Merlin breathing. The sound was soothing enough to send her to sleep.

She woke up rested. The other side of the bed seemed like it was in order. Mordred sat on the pillow staring at her. Morgana stared at the ceiling. She could've sworn Merlin had stayed with her last night, but pinned it on him being an early riser. She found her clothes from the night before and changed. She had most of the day to get back to her own flat and change before work. Morgana put Mordred in the crook of her arm as she went downstairs, smelling coffee.

Morgause would probably say that she should just bolt out the door and never say anything to this man ever again. Besides, where was she hoping this would go? The idea of staying in the morning for breakfast with him seemed like such a foreign concept she would've taken her internal Morgause's advice. Instead, she walked into the kitchen. He stood against the counter wearing a rustic colored sweater with a book in one hand and a mug in the other. It took him a moment to notice her before he put the book down.

"I just wanted to say thank you for, your hospitality and watching Mordred for me yesterday," she forced out.

"Absolutely," he said. "Erm, would you like a coffee before you go?"

"Alright."

She let Mordred down who promptly returned to his bed of sweaters. The coffee he gave her tasted sweet but the bitterness still made an appearance and the texture was a nice frothy sort of thick without tasting dry. It put the latte's made by her usual barista to shame.

"I guess you'll be leaving after this..." Merlin said, almost sort of sad.

"I guess I will be..." she responded.

She walked around to the sink and splashed water into the empty cup.

"I suppose your little cat isn't that bad, he didn't scratch at me this morning," he said.

"Sounds like an improvement in his attitude," she said. "Do you have a notepad anywhere by chance?"

He dug around in a drawer and gave her a small notepad with a pen. She scribbled her number. Morgana stood up to crouch near Mordred. He jumped into her arms right away.

"See you round then?" she asked as he walked her to the door.

"I hope so," he said.

* * *

Morgana looked over the draft of the proposed article amendment. She typed out her notes on it, along with it's summaries. Her eyes started to droop and she went into the kitchen. The coffee was lukewarm and she wished she could make it as delightful as Merlin had. Another reread of fifty pages to make sure she had everything in order before passing it off to Morgause. It was a repulsive piece of legislation that she prayed that Morgause would veto it in the next parliament meeting. Alvarr had left two hours ago, her aid had recently left, along with the others leaving her in the office.

The door to the office opened as she sat back at her desk. Morgause came in striding.

"Morgana, we're going out," Morgause said beaming.

"I have to finish the summary on the amendment before it goes into vote in three weeks," Morgana protested.

"Me thinks you think too much. You're going to over work yourself."

"I just... I don't think this is the best thing to vote into legislation. It'll harm millions of people..."

"Morgana, if you're going to let your moral compass dictate everything than you'll never have a life and we'll never get into a position of power to actually change things."

"But it's wrong!"

Morgause sneered. She dropped it just as quickly and stepped away from the desk.

"Well, I'll be outty then if that's your stance," Morgause said.

She stayed at the office for another hour, trying to finish up the summary. Fifty pages and she'd only gotten around to outlining the first ten.

Soon enough her weeks started to become more busy. Gwen had talked her into going into Yoga classes on Sunday's with her. The proposition of the amendment had taken up most of her time. Saturday nights Merlin called her to ask about how she and Mordred were doing. She found out he had moved out of his office temp position into a position of librarian at the nearby university. This however, led to them not having more time apart with Merlin settling into his new job posting and her fighting with Morgause against the new proposed laws before the next voting session. Her nightmares however, put her off from asking Merlin to meet up with her again. It kept her from wanting to go by his apartment. The sepia bliss of a life of a Lady and adventures with Arthur and Gwen turned into cruel aberrations. Cold tones of her and Merlin trying to kill each other followed. It broke her heart always when she'd awoke.

She watched from the balcony as Morgause voted for the horrid piece. Then the next round of legislation was proposed for the fourth quarter. Four months to get summaries and documentation together. Mordred had turned into a rather lean cat as he stayed with her. Arthur had passed his naval academy training and had invited her out to dinner along with Gwen. Then he told them that the Royal Navy had taken him on, only he would be leaving to South Africa at the end of summer for six months. It shook Morgana to her core. Yes their group nights had significantly waned over the last two years, but now she missed taking the time to hang around him on the days she wasn't working herself to death for Morgause. Gwen had proposed, more so demanded, that she leave with him since they had already been in a long term relationship as well as living together. Arthur was reluctant but Gwen assured him that her low paying nanny job was less satisfying than being without him. She'd be loosing both of her friends at the end of the summer.

"Are you alright Ana?" Arthur asked her.

"I'm fine," Morgana lied, forcing a smile. "You'll have to let me help you plan everything for the trip however."

"You should've been a personal stylist, I'll need your help figuring out a wardrobe," Gwen said, holding her hand.

Arthur and Gwen had seemed so enamored with each other, planning for a new future together. She held herself in a hug walking out as Arthur put his arm around Gwen. Morgana hailed a cab.

"An address miss?" the driver asked.

"King's College library," Morgana found herself saying.

The drive was steady, with the local news station on the radio. It was late, but she knew that Merlin had the unfortunate habit of staying at the library long past it's hours. She ran out of the cab in the direction of the library. Merlin, it felt, was the one piece of her she had left in the face of catastrophic change. Her hair whipped behind her. She made a sharp turn, a smile on her face as she thought of seeing him again. The lights in the library dimmed as she saw the door open. She saw Merlin walk out in the light of the lamps. And her smile dropped from her face.

There was a girl with dark shoulder length hair in a casual outfit walking next to him. He laughed at something she said. She felt the tears start. And her fingers went through her hair and she wanted to scream. This wasn't right, this wasn't supposed to be right! She saw Merlin look at her with shock. Then the lamp lights shattered.

"I'm sorry Freya, I have to go," she heard him say.

She stumbled in the dark to the concrete bench she'd seen. Everything was falling apart.

"Morgana," she heard.

She looked up and saw Merlin reach out to hold her upper arm.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have shown up and presumed you'd be alone and now I feel awful because now I've..." she started hiccuping.

"Freya's just a colleague," he said. His tone softened, "Have you been crying?"

"I've just... had the worst night."

"Do you want to go to a bar? Or my flat? Somewhere that would make you feel safe?"

"Your flat is fine."

They walked down the stairs to the rail. Morgana sat down next to Merlin before following him off at the stop they needed. He handed her a handkerchief as they walked out. The walk wasn't very long and she sat on the couch in his loft as he made tea. If she had the energy she would've scolded herself for... whatever thoughts she'd had of Merlin and for interrupting whatever was going on between him and that girl, _Freya_. Instead she had the feeling that she looked as dead as she felt empty. She wasn't willing to fight herself more than she had to. He sat next to her, handing her a saucer and tea. Jasmine.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he finally said.

"Arthur's moving to South Africa with Gwen at the end of the summer. I shouldn't feel... bitter? Lost? About it. I should be happy because the navy is offering a consistent job for him after graduating. He just had the audacity to call me Ana tonight telling me about it," she rambled. "He hasn't called me that in a long time. Ana and Arthur, the twins that couldn't be separated. It was just completely our thing."

"You're a twin?"

"Fraternal. I'm two minutes older."

She took another sip of the tea.

"That's a new development," Merlin said.

"I used to be teased that I was the evil twin," she said. "I used to be an absolute demon in secondary school before I grew out of it. And then all I've ever done is try to help people who didn't have the means of helping themselves. And Morgause is... I don't even know who she is anymore, everything to benefit the rich and reject refugees. I want to be a good person, I do. I don't want to be the evil twin, or evil, and I'm..."

"Morgana..."

His hand found its way onto her shoulder and she looked at him surprised.

"I know you have a good heart, and the world is going to convince you to stoop to it's level but you could never be evil or dark," he said. "It takes strength to be a good person, and it's not always going to feel good but it's easier to sleep at night knowing you tried to help people when the rest of the world wouldn't."

"The other week, when you asked if I wanted to grab drinks with you and I said I was busy, I lied," Morgana admitted. "I was just, so afraid of being intimate with anyone that wasn't Arthur or Gwen. And then I'd had these awful nightmares that we kept trying to kill each other, and... I couldn't face that possibility."

"You could never hurt me."

"But what if I did? Would you ever still love me if I tried to leave you abandoned and powerless in a wood at the mercy of scorpions? If I raised an army of the dead and tried to kill you if you stopped me? If I killed your best friend?"

"You could do all of that and much worse _and I would still love you_."

The moment fell into silence. There was a desperation in his voice and his eyes were filled of remorse and hurt and loneliness of years beyond his physical age. She put the saucer and tea on the coffee table in front of them before avoiding his gaze once more. The admission of love this early on should have been a red flag, even an orange flag. She let her body fall onto his side with the ease of his presence.

* * *

He sat on the sofa as her breathing evened and longer after he realized she'd fallen asleep. Gently, he rested her head on the pillow. He looked at the large archaic radio and it started to play the station of the national orchestra. Then he went into the linen closet to grab a blanket for her. With his hand and a small spell he lowered the lights of the lower floor. He sat at the island of his kitchen with his own cup of tea pondering the nights events. He'd been careless with his choice of words and admitted to Morgana that he loved her. And he did, past lives or not, because he could see the goodness of her heart. It was naive thinking, perhaps. But if he considered any other alternative he faced the possibility of loosing her again.

Merlin considered the possibility that this Morgana had magic. When he saw her outside the library he could feel the grief and rage surrounding her just as the street lamps exploded. If this one had magic, perhaps he could teach her. If his hunch was correct, than her Arthur and Gwen were also reincarnations. Morgana being his twin was new. He wondered if the universe was trying to give a reason for Morgana to avoid trying to kill him this go around. He would be forever grateful that Mordred had reincarnated as a cat, which kept him from causing any harm. He assumed her boss was Morgause and that was dangerous. As of now he hadn't met her and as of now he was unsure if she had also developed any magical traits this lifetime. He couldn't admit to Morgana that he was afraid of her safety around Morgause, or that he was afraid that Morgause would try to manipulate her again. This time Morgana had him and he wasn't going to let her have the impression that she didn't have his support again.

If he ever was able to trigger Arthur and Gwen's memories, he wondered if they would ever be their quartet again. The loneliness sat in as he reminded himself that these were people that didn't know him and were really only echoes of a past life. He was the last relic of Camelot.

No matter how many times Morgana came back to torment him.

* * *

_AN: Still laying down the ground work with this chap. Next chapter should hopefully expand from here. Let me know what you think about the sort of Merlin Perspective inclusion this chapter; I might've forced myself to hold back some here. Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter and the encouragement for trying something new. I'm hoping I can still make content that you guys can enjoy. _


	3. Can We Always be This Close

_Authors Notes: I've written this chapter over at least three times, just wanted to make sure that I had a better idea where this was going. Also decided to update this sooner than I anticipated. _

* * *

_Can We Always be This Close_

Morgana looked in the mirror and undid the braids in her hair revealing perfectly wavy hair. Mordred jumped onto her bed before lying down. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Mordred, I'll come home tonight. It's just dinner with Merlin, okay?" she said.

He didn't look at her pleased. Although Merlin had started to come over more frequently the last couple of weeks, Mordred was still suspicious of him. Deep down when Mordred didn't think she was watching he was absolutely in love with Merlin's presence. With a sigh she looked at herself again. Skinny jeans and an emerald green loose top that hung off one of her shoulders. She decided to go with the red lip as she'd been going for nude lipsticks of late. There was a knock at her door. She looked at the time on her phone. Merlin was about thirty minutes early from the agreed pick up time.

Mordred followed her to the door. Her eyes widened in surprise as Morgause was in front of her instead.

"Happy to see me?" Morgause asked.

"Um, yes, I'm just... you haven't come over in a while," Morgana said.

"Yes, I'm sorry about that."

Morgause sauntered into her flat and threw her shawl on the back of a chair.

"I've come to tell you that Cenred has agreed to help us with financing our claim to the new legislation," Morgause said.

"Cenred? As in Cenred of Red Tree Industries?" Morgana questioned.

"Yes. And I'll be giving you a substantial pay raise with it since you're my most trusted advisor. Maybe you'll get an actual flat with it too."

"Morgause..."

"Yes he asked that I talk to some people with UN connections to drop the case against him about child labor usage in Malaysia but if it means that we get what we want from Brexit and this new legislation..."

"Morgause!"

The blonde haired woman looked at her surprised. Morgana was fuming. The borders of ethical standards and legal activity was breaking under Morgause's watch. There was also the fact that she had a date in twenty minutes and she didn't want her boss interfering with her life more than what she allowed her. Morgause looked at Mordred who was in a fighting stance against her.

"When did you get a cat?" Morgause asked.

"Bout a month and a half ago," Morgana said coldly. "But you've just asked me about documentation not my life."

"Again, I'm really sorry about that Morgana."

"I will see you at the office on Monday since I have a date in a moment."

"Oh? Morgana Pendragon bothering to date a man? When will you come to realize that men will never think of you as anything more than a pretty face and a pretty body? Have you somehow been spellbound to believe that he actually respects your pretty brain? I am the only one that will ever respect you as a person!"

"He does, Morgause! He's the most noble man I've ever met since my brother!"

The candle that had innocently been giving the scent of black cherry erupted into a large flame. Morgana knew that she had somehow caused it and fell into Morgause's arm's in distress. She heard Morgause whisper something but she was shaking too violently to understand. The flame went back to it's small shape.

"Morgana?" a new voice said.

Morgana pulled away from Morgause and saw Merlin standing in the doorway of her flat. Of course, Morgause's theatrics had distracted her from getting her door again. He held Mordred in his arms.

"I'm sorry if my ambition's and desires to give you a better life have hurt you in any way," Morgause told her.

"I appreciate the apology, Morgause," Morgana said coldly.

Morgause started towards the door. She and Merlin shared an intense glare.

"You haven't aged a day," she told him.

"I don't believe we've met," he said frostily.

"Must've reminded me of someone else then."

"I have one of those faces."

She shrugged and walked out, closing the door behind her. Mordred jumped out of his arms and looked at him in what could only be described as spite.

Morgana held onto Merlin tightly. The familiar smell of spearmint and books lingered off of him. He wrapped his arms around her holding her in the embrace.

"That was your boss, Morgause, wasn't it?" he asked.

She nodded into his chest.

"Did she upset you horribly? Should I call off our reservation?" he asked.

She pulled away only just. His blue eyes looked at her in concern.

"No, no we should go," she said.

"Alright," he said.

His hand rested on her back as they walked to the door. He turned to look at Mordred who was sitting by the door with a glare.

"I'll have her home tonight, I promise," he said.

"Mreow," Mordred responded.

"He's a spiteful little thing isn't he?" Merlin asked Morgana as they rounded the stairs.

"He is demanding, isn't he," Morgana laughed.

She wasn't sure why or how he drove a Lexus since he seemed to be so... reserved in other aspects she would've expected something vintage. Not quite a buggy but more Bently.

"If I told you that I think I had... magic, would you think that I'm crazy? Or having a psychotic episode?" Morgana asked.

"What makes you say that?" Merlin asked.

"When Morgause came over she just made me so furious for taking low jabs at our... relationship. And I swear the candle I'd had burning turned into this fireball or something the moment I felt myself angry."

"Well... I don't believe you're crazy or having a psychotic episode. I don't really know what else to say but that I'll still be there for you even if you were crazy or having a psychotic episode."

At the moment they had just pulled into the valet of the restaurant and she put her hand through the crook of his arm. A little more sure of herself if she could be. The lighting was dim and the atmosphere reminded her of the pretentious dinner's her father had dragged her and Arthur to years ago.

She swirled the red wine in her hand lightly.

"Is something bothering you?" Merlin asked her.

"I just think I'll leave working for Morgause at the end of the year," she said. "It does hurt to contemplate it since I've always seen her as a sister. Then it'll be coordinating a replacement since I've been the most efficient advisor she's had."

"What will you do after, then?"

"Dunno, run off into the woods and isolate myself from society?"

He gave an awkward laugh.

"Oh, I don't know. I've been a political advisor for so long that... I don't quite know what I'd do with myself after. Morgause has been making me to the bulk of the Brexit reading and there's only one person I could see benefitting from it."

"Who would that be?"

"King Arthur. Having the isles independent again once he comes back makes it easier to reclaim his throne. And the Royal Family isn't fairing well with the public, so if some legendary heir before the Windsor conquest came back the public would eat it up."

"That's an... interesting take. You know if he ever came back, you should be first choice for advisor."

"You flatter me too much."

She looked at her glass, away from him shyly. Her beauty she was no stranger to being complimented to. But to have him compliment her, to suggest she should even be the advisor of a powerful King (if he ever came back) because of her brains, that was a compliment she wasn't always familiar with.

"Well how's work? Anything new with Gwaine?" she asked, putting her bold front back on.

"Work is fine. The professors are already putting in their book orders for the coming semester. And Gwaine... not much has changed with him," Merlin laughed.

She laughed along with him. It made her feel a little sad since the only real friends she thought she had, outside of Arthur and Gwen, were mostly work colleagues. She had had more friends during her boarding school years but any sort of schooling friends tended to end once the graduation ceremony was up. She was personable, she was friendly, but she had never felt more alone until this summer. And she was envious of Merlin's friends. The few he had were worthwhile, and the few she had were empty behind friendly faces.

He took her home and he didn't give much protest when she suggested he come inside. Mordred slinked around his ankles once he was in the door.

"He seems to like me today," Merlin beamed.

"You rescued me from Morgause earlier, he should," Morgana smiled.

"I'm sure she's... well she did seem pretty bad."

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. How could this man, who seemed to have an old soul and seem so lost, still retain the ability to be as warm and funny as he? Her eyes stayed closed as the kiss ended and she rested her head on his chest.

"I want to stay with you, always. If you'll let me," she said softly.

"Is forever long enough?" he responded.

Abruptly she slid out of his arms to his surprise and she grinned.

"Wine? You didn't drink any when we were out," she asked, walking backwards into the kitchen.

"One glass, and that's it Morgana," he said.

"Red? White?"

"Whatever you have."

He stood next to her as she found the wine and he gave her the glasses. She meant to walk to the couch but when she looked over her shoulder the scene seemed to change. She took a sip off of her glass confused. Merlin was still in front of her but he wore a plain brown coat and a red tunic shirt and it looked like the sort of throne room she'd seen in her dreams before. Something felt wrong as the wine slid down her throat; she swore it had been wine. The glass felt more like a sort of canteen pouch as it fell from her hand.

"Merlin," she choked out.

She sank to her knees, clutching her throat.

"Morgana," he said.

He looked remorseful, almost.

"You poisoned me!" she shouted, her voice raspy.

He knelt down in front of her, his hair a little messy, and she was in her flat once more. A strange sort of sobbing choke came from her mouth and she held onto him tightly. She was crying so violently she felt her body shake. He'd adjusted himself to a position where he could cradle her.

"I'm going mad," she cried.

"You're not, Morgana, you're not," he said softly.

"I am. I am, Merlin. And you should leave before I end up hurting you."

"I should, but I won't."

She wanted to rip herself away from him. Maybe hit him until he left the building and never came back. But she could never bring herself to hurt another being. But she couldn't risk hurting him either. If her sanity was leaving her she didn't want him to witness him and loose a girl he thought he'd fallen in love with. Even if she did manage to get rid of him, she knew it wouldn't stop the horrid dreams, or the strange explosions, or the visions. They had never been cold until she met him.

"Why," she said, rubbing away the tears with the heel of her palm. "Why do these... visions seem like they're more than dreams since I met you?"

"I wish I could explain without sounding like a loon," he said.

A scowl dared to cross her face. She slid away from him, holding her legs close to her.

"You mean to tell me you can explain the things that have been happening to me?" she asked coldly.

He looked away from her sadly.

"You mean everything to me Morgana. That is why I cannot bring myself to tell you," he said.

"Just tell me!" she screamed. "Tell me before I think I'm driving myself mental!"

He looked at her appalled. She started crying again. Mordred crawled into her arms and she held onto him. She heard Merlin mutter something before she felt herself lean over and Mordred skipped out of her arms.

/

Her blankets were over her, there was a hint of moonlight that came in from her window behind the curtains. There was also something weighted at the end of her bed. She blinked her eyes and saw Merlin sitting on the foot of the bed with his head in his hands.

"Am I dreaming?" she forced out.

"If you want to be," he said softly.

"Let me get up so I can get out of my clothes."

He got off of the bed and she forced herself to stand up. Her hands reached for the closet handle to grab what would've been her lavender silk robe. It was there. She stripped out of her clothes and put the robe around her. It was too much effort to find actual pajamas. She looked over and saw Merlin looking away from her. She walked over to him and put her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry Morgana," he choked out, he sounded like he was trying to not cry.

"Lay down with me," she muttered.

He walked around the bed and laid ontop of the blankets as she got under them.

"If I'm dreaming, will you tell me?" she asked.

"I shouldn't," he said.

"I'll believe I'm dreaming."

He held onto her hand.

"Once, you were the most beautiful lady of the court, and it was hard to not admire you and your brother. You especially. You trusted me, you wanted to trust me. And one day, me and Arthur came back from a trek and everyone in Camelot was falling asleep. If the spell continued it would become death. And Arthur fell to the spell too. And you, you were the only one awake when we got back and you were so scared. And then I realized you were the anchor for the spell and there was no way to break the spell but for you to die," he said. "I poisoned you with hemlock. And I never told you."

He sounded like he was crying. Morgana scooted closer to him. Even with the moonlight hitting his back she could see the tears falling down his face.

"You never stopped hating me for what I did, but I was trying to protect anyone," he cried.

She wrapped her arm around him and he put his arm around her.

"I gave you to _that witch_ to save your life but you never came back right," he sobbed. "I lost the Morgana I loved. And you had to see that."

Her head buried itself under his chin.

"Forgive me," he said.

"I love you," she said. "I forgive you. I love you."

"You shouldn't Morgana."

"_I love you._"

He pulled her closer in an embrace, and she felt him stroking her hair.

"I love you so much," he said.

She felt her own tears fall down over the bridge of her nose straight down. He had even tried to save her, with everyone else, and she couldn't let that anger continue to fester against him after his confession. Whatever it was, it was a past life. In this life she had him and he had her and she wasn't about to loose him. Her eyes became heavy again and she heard his ragged breathing even. She let herself rest under his arm.

Morgana felt her hand holding onto something that didn't quite feel like Mordred. She forced her eyes to try to open and saw that Merlin was still sleeping next to her, although on his back but his hand was in hers. The sky was a pink color with sparse hints of lilac tinted clouds. A Saturday. She could afford to not get up this early as she would during the week. She pulled her hand out of his and heard him let out a small groan. Her arm draped itself around his chest as she curled against him. Mordred jumped onto the bed and laid in the angle of her legs. Merlin wrapped his arm around her.

The smell of coffee woke her up again. Mordred was laying on her chest. No wonder she'd felt like she was dying.

"Off," she muttered.

He jumped off of the bed and she made sure her robe was tied around her more securely. She felt herself sway walking out. Merlin turned around noticing her.

"Oh, good, you're up," he said. "I made you a coffee, if you'd like."

"Always," she smiled.

She took the cup from him, and carefully sipped off of it. Just the way he would make it.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good, really good," she said. "Still think I'm going mental, but I feel better about it."

"You feel better about going mental?"

"Maybe. I think your story last night helped."

"Right, the story."

He looked crestfallen, almost. Her phone beeped.

Arthur:  
_Dad wants a family dinner tonight, come with me? I can't suffer alone!_

She huffed.

"What is it?" Merlin asked her.

"Arthur is just now telling my our dad wants to have dinner with us tonight," she said.

"That's great."

He looked hurt for some reason. So she stepped closer to him and took his hand in hers. The wave of sadness she felt from him overwhelmed her.

"I should go," he said.

"Why," she forced out.

"I have to Morgana."

"No."

"No?"

"Your place is here. Next to me."

Arthur had been allowed to be the perfect child. Her father had always been away on naval expeditions. He had thrown her into boarding school to avoid dealing with her in the aftermath of her mothers death. Morgana had never found herself to be a selfish person. But she knew since the first time she had kissed Merlin that they were meant to be together. That their souls were irrevocably intertwined.

"What would you have me do then, my lady," he said.

"Don't call me a lady," she said.

"Alright... my lady."

"Merlin!"

* * *

They arrived at the front of Camelot Estate.

"How far do we have to go?" Merlin bemoaned.

"Just keep driving," Morgana insisted.

Eventually through the trees they came to a large white manor with a fountain in the center of the roundabout.

"Good golly," Merlin said, looking up at the house. "Why don't you live like this? You live like this?"

"Daddy does, I refused to let him pay for anything," Morgana said.

"I feel decidedly underdressed now."

"You look fine. Arthur's gonna look worse."

He helped her out of the car and she allowed herself to admire him for a moment. He'd gone with a dark blue button up and a brown leather bomber jacket with a nice pair of trousers. Approved, definitely. She put her arm in the crook of his and they walked up the cobblestone to the front door. Arthur opened the door looking absolutely disheveled.

"Nike?" Morgana said, raising a brow.

"This is the most expensive thing I own," he said. "It's quality."

"You have much nicer things in your closet."

He opened his mouth to continue the banter before his eyes found Merlin.

"Who's he? Why is he here? Gwen couldn't come, so why did you bring someone?" he asked.

"This is Merlin, Arthur," she said. She remembered Merlin next to her. "Merlin, Arthur. Arthur, Merlin."

"Okay but what is he?" Arthur pressed.

"Might we come in, possibly?" Merlin asked.

Arthur rolled his eyes before stepping to the side letting them in. Morgana dropped her hand into Merlin's.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her, his voice soft.

"So long as I'm with you," Morgana responded.

They followed Arthur and Morgana looked up at Merlin. If they could always be like this, always be supportive of each other, be together, she was sure that the world would tremble at their power. For now, she didn't care about conquering the world or being powerful. For now, being with him was enough and it was the most wonderful feeling she'd ever had.


	4. Sword and the Stone

_Sword and the Stone_

Merlin had been floored as to the part of Morgana's life that she'd hidden from him, not out of malice. He supposed it was a sort of embarrassment. Or need to be seen outside of a pampered life style that he assumed her father had tried to give her. It was very different from her first incarnations or any of her previous reincarnations. He let her lead him into the sitting room. Arthur followed behind. In the room he saw what looked like Uthur and Agravaine sitting on sofa's facing each other in front of a fireplace. Morgana quickly dropped his hand.

"Daddy!" she smiled.

"Morgana, darling," Uther beamed.

He quickly embraced Morgana before letting go.

"How has work been? How are you? Is..." Uther rambled.

"It's been splendid, really. And this is my... friend, Merlin. I hoped you wouldn't mind," Morgana responded.

"Not at all."

Uther turned his attention to him.

"How do you do, sir?" Merlin forced out.

"Good, yourself?"

"Good I should say."

"This is my brother, Agravaine, as well."

Agravaine gave him a curt nod that Merlin reciprocated. Although Uther maintained a pleasant smile, he could see the sort of bitterness behind his eyes. Of course, this was some random man that his daughter was bringing around.

"And what do you do Merlin?" Uther said.

"I'm the head librarian at the King's College in London," Merlin responded. "I'd been in charge of a bookstore prior to that."

"Of course Morgana would go after a book worm," Arthur smirked.

"Arthur," Morgana hissed.

Arthur walked over to the stand that had the drinks on it, clearly intending to make his own. Merlin felt relief that he wasn't being asked to do it. This Arthur did look strikingly familiar to his own, although this new one had more brown toned hair and it didn't look as blond. The structure was about the same.

"Arthur, would you mind pouring me a brandy?" Uther said.

"Yes father," Arthur responded, trying to hide the annoyance in his tone.

"Would you like anything Morgana? Merlin?" Uther asked.

"Can you find my red on there?" Morgana asked.

"I can," Arthur said.

Uther looked at Merlin.

"I'm good, thank you," Merlin said with a forced smile.

He was older than anyone here. He had the ability to raise storms, conjure magic, never die. It felt oddly like his own Camelot, if he was ever entertained the idea of being a person worth noticing beyond a servant. Arthur being the one to serve everyone, nearly everyone, was fun. Oh, how his Arthur would die at the idea of ever doing a menial task like this for anyone. Arthur in his last year, actually, maybe wouldn't have minded. He tried to not ponder it. Morgana tugged on his hand and they sat on the couch next to Uther across from Agravaine and Arthur. The four of them went on about politics, about Arthur and Gwen, and about Morgana briefly before she effortlessly spun it back to Arthur and his relationship with Gwen.

Uther was just delighted that one of his children would be getting married and offered to have the family realtor look into an area of South Africa for properties that Uther liked for the couple. Arthur was pleased. Merlin wondered how well that would go with Gwen's opinions. The patriarch did however question Arthur if he would marry Gwen soon, and this was something Arthur was sure of. It didn't escape Merlin that Agravaine seemed to be hiding a look of distress behind his mask. The maid, Lillian, came in and told them that dinner was ready to be served. Morgana clutched at his arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked her, holding them back from following everyone.

"I think I'm fine, Merlin," she said.

"Alright."

Somehow he wondered if Agravaine was behind something. He had to be. Agravaine never looked trustworthy no matter the incarnation! Morgana, he knew, was no lightweight. He'd inspect the red Arthur gave her on the way out. That, or her anxieties were high although she'd never had a problem with them before. In public, that was. The dinner was a roast pork, mashed potatoes, various greens, some sort of bread, the entire table was filled and he thought it looked strikingly similar to the feasts that Uther would have in his past life. Agravaine, Uther and Arthur talked about politics for a while with Arthur having the more liberal views. Uther was rational enough to deny that he wasn't as conservative as Arthur would think he was. Morgana looked at him with pained eyes, don't say anything. Then Morgana was in the hot seat. And Uther dragged him into it too.

Uther grilled Morgana about her life's choices, her job, Merlin. And he swore he saw the lights flicker rapidly while Morgana screamed at her father in defense. The difficult part about living for a thousand years was that it caused him to faze himself out of the now. He could see the situation intensifying, but he couldn't process the words. Then a number of lights burnt out.

"I'm sorry, but Merlin and I must be leaving. Thank you for dinner," she said coldly.

He waved at Arthur who gave a small wave back, before following Morgana out the door. The moment the door closed behind them Morgana fell to her knees letting out a pained sob. Merlin sat next to her and she rested herself against him.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she said.

"Don't apologize," he said.

"I thought he would like you. Bloody even like me. And... and I thought he'd be more civil and I wouldn't have to feel bad about showing you my family and that's all I can do."

"Mortal affairs don't concern me."

She looked at him with confusion and a bit of resentment. Still, he drove her back home.

He walked her up to her flat. She'd seemed distant since they'd left the dinner and he didn't feel it was safe to leave her alone. If he did, he worried if she'd get into her head and let every bad thought consume her pretty head once more. She brushed past a concerned Mordred too. Her body seemed jilted as she sat on the couch.

"Want a cuppa?" he asked.

She nodded her head. He started the tea. Earl? Peppermint? The pot started boiling and he grabbed whatever came into his hand.

"Why do you say weird shit like mortal affairs?" she asked him as he sat on the couch next to her, passing the cup of tea.

"Because I'm not," he said.

"Hogwash."

"It's true. That story I told you, about you being a lady, that was true as well."

"You mean to tell me that I'm a reincarnated Lady you fell in love with once?"

"Yes. And I fell in love with you all over again as you are."

The tea shook in her hand.

"I should... I should tell you that you have magic. Real magic. You've always had it," he said.

"That's supposed to explain why things happen when I'm..." she forced out.

"Yes."

"How are you immortal then? You've... well, you're in daylight. A lot. So that rules out a vampire."

"I'm a warlock. When I failed my task, I was cursed with immortality. But I was always meant to be."

"So... you could teach me, about magic?"

"I can."

"Will you?"

"Yes."

/

She finished her tea and went to wash it. Morgana glanced up to see that Mordred was playfully assaulting Merlin. They seemed to enjoy each other more now. Sometimes she wondered what Mordred would look like as a human since he never really acted like a cat. Merlin stood up and Mordred gave a painful yew.

"See you in the morning?" he asked her, he put his hand on her waist and kissed her.

"Could you stay? Please?" she asked. "I know it's probably asking for much since I made you stay last night as well..."

"You really want me to stay?"

Morgana nodded. His head shook as a smile came across his face.

"Fine," he said, definitively. "But stop hogging the blankets."

"I do not hog the blankets!" she retorted.

He laughed and picked her up from under her knees before carrying her to her bedroom. Her back hit the mattress and she caressed the side of his face as he loomed over her.

"You weren't really going to leave... were you?" she asked.

"I was praying you wouldn't let me," he said.

He kissed her softly.

"Merlin," she whispered.

"Yes my love?" he responded.

"I want you."

She kissed him and started to tug off the bomber jacket he'd kept on. He responded a little confused, indulging her in a kiss before pulling away.

"Morgana..." he said, his voice breathy.

"I want to make love to you," she said.

Merlin tried to treat her gently. He said something in a rough tone that made the lights turn themselves off. And she initiated speeding up the pace a few times. They shared control. Feeling. She kissed him roughly, pushing him under her with the everlasting desire to consume him. To consume something so whole and so pure. Then he'd remind her again. It wasn't about consuming the other until destruction. Because it felt like becoming whole again in one body.

He'd fallen asleep quickly after, wrapping her in his arms. She delighted in the feeling, unable to sleep. His steady breathing soothed her. So she entertained sleep. She walked slowly approaching a woman with wild black hair that sunk on a marble throne in darkness.

"I WANT HIM DEAD!" the woman screamed, looking up.

And Morgana was horrified to see it was herself. And she saw ruin and destruction and torture following the actions of this past self. Once in these dreams she enjoyed feeling as if she was a lady, someone who was just. And since Merlin had come into her life, had felt nothing but anxiety in these dreams and witnessed committing atrocities. There was nothing but doom to follow. She hated that the visions she'd had previously, of a scared girl, of a woman that wanted to do right, had become a mad woman. A woman so engulfed in hatred and in fear that she had forgotten the true meaning of helping other people. She dreamt she was chained in a pit with a white dragon looking up for eons for the white light that was out of reach.

She woke up feeling tears dry closely to her eyes. The blankets were at their feet and she felt herself shiver. Slowly she crept out of bed and tried to find where she had thrown her underwear. It would take too much effort trying to pull on a robe or her jams. Her breath was shaking as she climbed back into the bed and pulled the blanket up to cover her form.

"What 'ere you doing?" Merlin asked, waking from his slumber.

"I... was grabbing my underwear," she said.

"Huhm?"

"We fell asleep after..."

"Oh... right."

He looked up at her, a bit puzzled.

"Oh no, I've woken you up now," she said, her voice trembling in anxiety.

"No, not at all," he said.

He caressed the side of her face with his fingers.

"Were you crying?" he asked.

"Perhaps," she muttered.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No, no you should go back to sleep."

"Morgana."

Her lips pulled in and she tried to not continue crying. He pulled her close to him and stroked her hair.

"I shouldn't trouble you with my anxieties," she said.

"I said I would always be here for you, so tell me," he said, his tone demanding.

"I've just... my dreams, visions, of... what I'm sure is my past life. I'm not good any longer. I keep bringing destruction, wrecking havoc. And I think about what my father said tonight and... I'm a fraud, Merlin. I'm not a good person I don't have a pure heart. You should leave me and find someone else that would appreciate you better and love you better. Someone... that isn't going..." she choked up.

She started sobbing into his shoulder.

"You are not your past," he said. "And I have always loved you. I will always love you."

"I think you're my equal, my soulmate, and my other half, I mean, I'm a whole person on my own. And I don't think I deserve you," she cried. "If you stay I know my love as unconditional as it is will also turn selfish."

"You act as if I'm a saint!"

"Aren't you?"

"No. I'm far from it. Because at the start of my life... the love I'd had for my friends turned obsessive because I wanted to protect all of them. I couldn't. I will accept your love for as unconditional as it is right now, and for as selfish as it may become. Because I will love you with my whole heart my entire being, because you are all that I want."

She choked a cry as she smiled.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?" she asked.

"For saying that you love me unconditionally."

She kissed him harshly. He wiped away her tear with his thumb as he kissed her back. His hands roamed her body and she let her hand feel his as well. He laughed.

"What is it?" she asked.

"What time is it?" he laughed.

Morgana felt for her phone. Her hand outstretched as she tried to keep her body from straying too far from Merlin.

"Four o'clock in the morning," she said.

He kissed her collar bone and grazed her lightly up her neck.

"This is madness," he whispered.

* * *

There was an urgent rapping at the front door. Morgana felt Merlin's back against her and the light was bright against her face. The knocking continued. Sunday. She jolted up remembering yoga with Gwen Sunday mornings. _Shit, shit, shit._ She found a pair of leggings and a loose tank top before running to the door. Shoes. She opened the door to an irritable Gwen.

"You were supposed to meet me downstairs fifteen minutes ago," Gwen said.

"I know, just, I'm sorry Gwen," Morgana forced out.

She slipped on her socks and found her yoga bag, and then found a water bottle.

"Shoes, Morgana," Gwen reminded her.

"Right," she responded.

She grabbed a pair of sneakers and carried them with her out the door.

"So, what really kept you from remembering?" Gwen asked as she started the car.

"Um, Merlin slept over," Morgana said, she found a loose hair tie on the consul. "Like an adult sleep over."

"Shut up!"

"Gwen!"

"I'm just, glad you've found someone you can be happy with."

"Thanks. How's the moving going?"

"Well, we're going to need boxes soon enough. And the people I'd nannied for were being absolute prats about it, but I said a notice was a notice and I wasn't going to stay."

"I'm sorry they had that reaction."

"Whatever, at least I'll be free of them finally. I told Elyon and he was a little upset, so was dad, but they're just trying to be supportive right now. So it means a lot to me that they're trying."

"I'm glad."

"I'm gonna miss Sunday's like this."

"You know, let's make it a girls day."

_"Morgana_."

"I'm serious. After yoga we'll do whatever you want all day. And then we'll plan a day that's closer to the move and we'll have a packing party."

Gwen hugged her once they got out of the car.

"Just two minutes late," Gwen said, pulling away.

"Then why are we dallying?" Morgana grinned.

After the class she texted Merlin the plans she'd made with Gwen. He said he was happy she was spending time with friends and that he fed Mordred earlier as well. She sighed in relief. Not that she'd expected him to freak out. But it was nice that she could tell him things and he would be understanding. They went to Cordelia's Cafe for brunch which wasn't a far walk.

"So when am I going to meet this Merlin?" Gwen asked. "Arthur told me he met him last night."

"I um, was honestly afraid of if it was really going to be anything. But I don't know, we could plan for a double date if Arthur was up for it?" Morgana asked.

"Definitely."

They gushed over their respective boyfriends with the bottomless mimosas. Although Gwen had pointed out that by the third they had significantly cut down on the alcohol in the drink.

"So what are you really planning on doing in South Africa?" Morgana asked.

"I've been looking into schools that teach fencing or private clubs that do. I'd love to go into the sport more," Gwen asked. "Besides, I'm qualified, certified, and I have an interview with one of the places during the week."

"That's fantastic!"

Morgana insisted on paying for the brunch and then Gwen dragged her into a thrift shop. They did dress up in some awful tacky things and took pictures to send to Arthur. He was absolutely horrified by an ensemble that Morgana had dressed Gwen in, although the laughing emoticon's would've suggested otherwise. They did find a few pieces that could've benefited Gwen in South Africa.

"Let's do the Eye," Morgana suggested as they carried the bags out.

"That's the most touristy thing you've ever suggested!" Gwen said surprised.

"Well, if you're going to leave, you might as well do it."

It was a pain finding parking with Gwen's car before they made their way to the wheel. Morgana had linked her arm through Gwens. The sun had actually come out, she was having a splendid time with Gwen... yet something felt off in her core.

* * *

The whole of Sunday had felt off. Morgana had gleefully told him round noon that she and Gwen would be continuing their girls day after the morning yoga class. She just didn't want him to worry if she didn't answer her mobile right away. To him it seemed ridiculous since she knew he didn't like his mobile, or technology at all. Gwen, so he heard about, was a fantastic fencer (which is how she and Morgana had met) and a dear friend. He didn't worry about Morgana's safety with her. And Morgana could defend herself, he knew. Still, he ended up walking down the alleys of London. Half hoping for a sign of trouble.

He had turned down an alley into a relatively shabby nearly abandoned child's park. His eyes darted around trying to figure out where he was. Wandering never did him any good. On a rusted merry go round was a woman with wild blonde hair with a man with neatly kept black hair. He threw a smoke. The woman looked at him. Morgause.

"Go," she told the man.

The man gave him a passing glance before darting out of the park.

"Hello Morgause," Merlin said, confidently stepping closer to her.

"Merlin," she said coldly. "She will come back to me and we will destroy you."

"I've told her the truth. She's not going with you this time."

"You haven't told her she has magic! Have you?"

"How did you regain your memory anyhow?"

"Trauma. I was ten and my younger sister was sick. We heard of a man on the edge of town who had magic and heal people. But you turned her away. I watched from behind a tree. She died and in my grief I found my memories."

"I'm so sorry."

"You're not! You're never sorry!"

She threw a bolt of lightning at him and he raised a shield of fire in front of him.

"I will bring Camelot back and I will be it's queen! Not my stupid brother!" Morgause screamed.

"You know, there's a problem there," Merlin said.

"Oh?"

"You don't know where Avalon is. You can't bring Camelot without it. You can't bring it back without the Isle."

"What are you? High Wizard? I will bring Camelot back and fix it's kingdom!"

Another bolt, another block. Morgause raised the hood of her jacket and threw a much larger one at him. He was too slow to react before it hit him in the shoulder and he fell back to the ground. She stood above him. He wanted to call out to Morgana and tell her he loved her one last time if that's what it came to.

"Morgana is the key, I know that. The side she chooses will be the one that reigns," she said coldly.

"I'll never let you take her again," he said.

"Merlin!" Came a cry.

Morgause looked up and vanished. He could feel himself weaken. Then he saw Morgana above him.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" She shouted.

"Witch… hit me w… with, I've got hit by electricity love," he forced out.

"Gwen, bring the car closer!"

He tried to help Morgana by trying to walk, but the process was draining.

* * *

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what happened!" Gwen shouted.

"I don't quite know," Morgana said.

She laid Merlin down in the back seat and he let out a small pained whimper. Her hand pulled at his shirt. There was a large scar where he'd been hit.

"Drive back to my flat," she said.

"Your flat? Shouldn't we take him to a hospital?" Gwen protested.

"Whatever it is, only I can fix it."

"You're not a licensed physician! You don't even have any medical knowledge!"

"Gwen!"

Reluctantly Gwen started towards her flat. Morgana sat in the back with Merlin, his head in her lap and holding his hand. She prayed he would be okay long enough for her to heal him when they arrived. Gwen was right, she had no medical knowledge. And Merlin had only just told her about her magic so she didn't know what to do with it to channel it right. So far it had only been destructive, but she hoped that she'd be able to heal with it as well. Gwen helped her carry Merlin inside.

"Gwen, what do you know about witchcraft?" Morgana asked as they put him on her bed.

"Erm, they use candles? To help channel power sometimes?" Gwen responded unsure. "Don't tell me you're going to try something homeopathic when something is wrong with him!"

Morgana looked over at her friend before she sprinted to the lower cabinet in the kitchen. Candles.

"What on earth..." Gwen trailed appalled.

"I'm a witch," Morgana said. "A real one. Not just... god I hope this works."

Gwen helped her light the candles, almost reluctantly as they spread them around the room. She put her hands on his chest where the burn was. Something about that spot felt evil. She didn't know what incantation she had started muttering, at first it had only been calling out to a higher power to heal him, and she heard The Triple Goddess in Irish come out of her mouth. And she focused on cleansing Merlin as she spewed the words. It felt hot. And then she saw him open his eyes and the candles were burning bright in the dark room. At this moment, she knew that whatever honeymoon phase they'd had was over and the darkness would only seek them out more.

"What did you do?" he asked her.

She smiled. And she felt her eyes close and her body give out.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Okay, bit of a long chapter. Some of those early plants are finally starting to show so I'm really happy about that. (And more plants to come.) Things should definitely start branching out more after this. And Morgana has finally embraced that she does have a past life and have magic! The first fight between Morgause and Merlin was something I'd had in development for a while so the after effects were a bit of a knot to work with. So Gwen definitely knows about Morgana's magic because I thought if Morgana had the support already of Merlin it would help her be more open about having magic and not being afraid. So leave a review if you can, always appreciated. I absolutely love writing with you guys. xx_


	5. You Gave Me Flowers

_You Gave Me Flowers..._

Merlin quickly helped Morgana onto the bed where he'd been just moments before. Then he realized that someone else was still around. He looked over his shoulder and saw a very cross Gwen.

"Hello Gwen," Merlin smiled.

She didn't look any different than her past life and he wouldn't have had it any other way. Her short frame was right at him in a moment. Her firm expression fell into sadness just as quickly.

"Morgana truly has magic, doesn't she?" Gwen asked, taking a step back.

"She does," Merlin said. "But... I hadn't been able to train her in this life in her magic. I don't know how she brought me back."

"Were you dying? It looked like you were dying."

"I believe I was."

"She... she started speaking all of these languages all at once. Something about a Goddess came up a lot during it."

He glanced over at the sleeping Morgana.

"She was the High Priestess of the Old Religion in her past life. Of course that knowledge would come back to her in desperation," he said, a bit sad.

"Past life?"

"It's a bit much to explain."

"Well tell me. We have all the time in the world and I think after seeing everything... I'm not going to deny any of it."

"You're not going to take a second to call me a loon?"

Gwen shrugged. So Merlin sat on the floor with her and told her about Camelot, and some of her past life, but told her of Morgana's mostly. How she was nearly his equal in magics and he'd failed at protecting her where she'd become corrupt. And he told her how beautiful Camelot used to be, where he'd once found a castle in France that reminded him of it dearly. He heaved a sigh, telling her nearly everything.

"Sometimes I worry about her. Too much. She's always been ambitious, but too prone to retreat into herself instead of asking for help because everyone, including myself, tend to think she's much more stronger than she is. And she is," Gwen rambled. "If she's... anything like that past life, I'm glad she has you around this time. The way you are now. Maybe she won't loose herself while I'm away."

"She wants you to go, with Arthur. She's proud of you both," Merlin said.

"I wouldn't doubt it. But even if we didn't know about her past life, I was still concerned."

He nodded. Gwen stood up and grabbed a candle gingerly.

"I'll start blowing some of these out and putting them away," she said.

"Thank you, Gwen," Merlin said.

"Merlin..." came a soft voice.

He stood up and rushed to Morgana's side at the bed. She reached out to him and he held her gingerly.

"You're alright," she smiled.

"You completely exhausted yourself for not knowing how to use your magic in this lifetime," Merlin sighed.

"I'm sorry I..."

"I'm proud of you."

She was beaming with pride before she realized Gwen wasn't in the room.

"She's helping to clean up," Merlin said. "You need any help standing?"

Morgana felt slightly dizzy standing up and reluctantly took Merlin's offered arm. Gwen looked up and ran over and hugged her.

"I'm glad you're alright," Gwen said.

"As am I," Morgana said.

"Merlin told me you two are wizards."

"Erm, more or less."

Gwen pulled away from her. A sad smile on her face.

"Please tell me you're not afraid or think we're crazy," Morgana said.

"Not at all. I'd be stupid to deny anything I've seen tonight," Gwen responded.

"Don't tell Arthur. Not yet."

"Of course, it's between us. But speaking of Arthur, I should be getting home."

"Yes. Well drive home safely."

Gwen rolled her eyes with a smirk.

"Goodbye Merlin," Gwen said.

"See you around," Merlin said.

He held Morgana in his arms after the door had closed behind Gwen. They stayed like that. Swaying for moments.

* * *

Morgana woke up to two tiny paws hitting her face. She lightly swiped at whatever was hitting her before opening her eyes. A very annoyed Mordred. She looked over. It was strange, not waking up with Merlin. She'd gotten so used to the sensation over the weekend. She found her slippers and grabbed her robe before going to Mordred's dish to feed him. It was a late start kind of morning before work. She started the coffee machine and grabbed the most recent book she'd been trying to go through.

She found a white button up that she paired with tight fitting dark jeans and undid the braided damp hair she had. Her phone beeped.

Merlin:  
_Good morning :)_

A grin on her face. She gave a quick response before making sure she was taking the right bag with her. The morning had a quiet relaxing start that she was thankful for. No hiccups. As her hand reached for the door of the building, the soft mood evaporated. Morgana had never asked why she had felt such a pull towards Merlin the night before. It had been stronger than intuition feeling where he was and it felt painful as she'd gotten closer as well.

Her assistant Sefa greeted her warmly. Morgana noticed an envelope from Morgause on her desk. More assignments, more research. She pulled out her laptop putting it next to the computer. Her hands moved quickly between the two, sparing the occasional glance at the file.

"Morgana," she heard Sefa say in that soft innocent tone of hers.

"Yes, Sefa?" she asked, looking up.

"It's two, would you like me to run out to grab you lunch for the day?"

Morgana felt reality hit her again. Of course, that's how her days usually went when Sefa was in the office.

"The usual please," Morgana said. Then very quickly she added, "And treat yourself to something too."

She her card out of her wallet for Sefa. Then very quickly the girl ran off. Morgana sighed. Just a few more months and then she'd be free of Morgause. She could feel her magic bubbling in her. The ritual the night before had led it to long for an appropriate release. Quickly, she decided she must never tell Morgause of her magic. Morgause probably wouldn't think she was crazy, they'd been through so much. But the magical part of her as she called it, didn't trust Morgause with this discovered truth. She also couldn't tell Sefa of her plans to leave until it was already in the works.

Sefa took the lower half of the stack when she returned. Morgana resumed rectifying documents that would be needed for later.

"Hello Alvarr," Morgana said coldly as she felt the man approach her.

"What happened to our friendly banter?" Alvarr asked.

She turned her chair around to face him. He did look dashing. But he wasn't Merlin.

"Have you seen the paper?" he continued.

"Why would I when everything is digital now?" she asked.

He passed her the days paper. It was already at a page. Morgause was going to marry Cenred in August. The same day that Arthur and Gwen would have to leave for South Africa.

"Did she not tell you?" Alvarr asked.

"I had a feeling," she responded, quickly pushing the paper back into his hands.

"I thought it would be appropriate if we went together, work related."

"I can't go."

"She'll be devastated."

Her magic was roaring in her ears. Break his neck. She blinked, trying to shove the thoughts away. Her legs had crossed over themselves and her elbow rested on her knee, she put her hand under her chin to look up at him.

"Alvarr, I have a boyfriend. I would appreciate if you stopped your advances, it was getting you nowhere after all these years, now fuck off before Morgause does something worse than me," she said coldly. He looked terrified and she grinned. "You can go now."

Alvarr walked with a hung neck back to his cubicle. She scoffed before returning to her work.

Arthur had face timed her when she got home, demanding to know when she got a cat. Mordred was kind enough to sit on her lap for her to show Arthur with the camera. He seemed smug about it. Gwen showed up and waved hello. Then Arthur asked about when this proposed double date would occur. Next week had seemed to work for the two of them and Morgana said she'd talk to Merlin about it. They said goodnight and even Mordred gave a pleasant mew back.

* * *

When Merlin had told her that he wouldn't be able to spend any time with her over the weekend she found herself oddly relieved. Of course she loved him, she did. She told him every day, she told herself every night, and she loved spending time with him. Morgana had refused to inquire why not, and instead told him she loved him anyway and that she looked forward to when they could see each other again. He was thrilled at her reaction. She laid in bed with her laptop playing series reruns with Mordred at her legs and an ice-cream bar in hand that Friday night. It was perfectly normal to need space apart from a partner. It was also perfectly normal to have a life outside of the relationship.

Morgause hadn't been in the office in a while which made Morgana suspicious but eased. If Morgause wasn't around then she didn't have to be dragged into the next bastardly scheme she had. Mordred had looked at her with sad eyes when he realized she would be going back to work. She rubbed his butt before walking out the door. For some reason she felt exceptionally giddy this morning. She went into her favorite coffee shop before resuming her way to the office.

On her desk was a large bouquet of flowers, lilies, alliums, and violets, and a small box next to it. Sefa ran over to her once she noticed.

"I'm sorry my lady, they just, well it was an order," Sefa rambled.

"Sefa," Morgana said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Sefa tugged at the end of her sleeve anxiously.

"Who are they from?" she asked shyly.

Morgana grinned and looked for the notecard that was guaranteed to be on the flowers.

_For my love,_

_Merlin_

She set the paper down carefully before taking the box. Sefa had given her a set of keys without her asking. Morgana undid the taping. Purple colored confetti paper and nestled in it was a small pouch. She opened the pouch and pulled out a necklace. It was silver with a dragon shaped pendant. The eyes were emerald and the main body had diamonds. Sefa helped her sit into her chair again.

"It's beautiful," she said.

"He really shouldn't have," Morgana said.

"Boyfriend?"

Morgana nodded.

"Lucky guy," Sefa said.

The doors swung open with fright. Sefa jumped away from Morgana. She sat up a little straighter. Morgause walked in wearing a white short cape over her grey printed white dress. The office went dead. She had a smile on her face that dropped as she walked to Morgana's desk noticing the flowers.

"Charming," she said coldly.

"And what can I do for you today, Morgause?" Morgana asked in the most pleasant tone she could muster.

"Come with me."

They walked into Morgauses' office.

"Now, the papers are reporting that I'll be marrying Cenred soon. We're aiming for an August wedding and I was hoping you would be my maid of honor," Morgause said, forcing a smile again.

"Bit soon wouldn't you think?" Morgana asked.

"It's more of a business arrangement we've had planned out for a while."

"And you're not at all concerned about what it will do to your credibility in parliament?"

"They love me for it."

There was nothing but disgust in her heart for Morgause. Her hand balled up and she could feel the necklace ebbing itself into her hands. Morgause threw her head back and laughed as she sat in her chair.

"Say you'll be my maid of honor," she grinned. "We have it planned for the fifteenth at the moment, that shouldn't be a problem for you. Right, Morgana?"

"It will be. Arthur leaves for the airport that day," Morgana said coldly.

"Dear me. Well, I am your best friend, so I should have a higher priority."

"Morgause..."

"I can't do this without you, Morgana."

The seething she felt murmured at Morgauses' soft pleading look.

"I'm sorry, Morgause," Morgana stated.

She turned around, walking out of the office to the surprise of Morgause. Morgana put the files and her laptop into her back pack. Her fingers fumbled trying to latch the necklace around her. Sefa looked at her curiously as she grabbed the flower vase.

"Tell Morgause I'll be working from home the rest of the day, and do not let her follow me," Morgana told her.

"I will," Sefa squeaked.

Her side pushed open the door and she tried to walk as fast as she could away from Morgauses' building. She didn't know Morgause anymore. She'd finish the files she had on hand and turn those into Morgause. Then she'd put in her notice of quitting. It would have to be soon. Sooner than she'd anticipated. She sat on the train hoping that the flowers wouldn't take any hits from it.

She threw her keys on the counter and put the flowers on the small dinner table she had. Mordred pawed at her leg. He didn't protest when she lifted him up to cradle him. He purred quite loudly. She sat with him on the couch watching a baking show that was on. Her eyes grew heavy as Mordred continued to purr.

Morgana felt herself dreaming. She knew she was dreaming but it was black and she couldn't help but feel afraid. With a gasp she woke up and Mordred was mewing and her stomach growled violently. Her body jerked its way over to his food dish to fill it. Then she grabbed her phone before digging around in her fridge for something to eat. Morgause had blown up her phone in the time that she'd been asleep. Then she saw there was a message from Merlin, hours ago.

Merlin:  
_Did you get the flowers I sent you? Did you like them?_

Merlin:  
_Is something wrong?_

Her hand went for the pendant. She dialed his number hoping he would answer.

"Morgana?" she heard him say.

"Hi, Merlin," she forced out.

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything fine. Perfect. You sent me flowers."

"Did you like them? Were they too much? Should..."

"Merlin, the flowers are fine. I love them. Especially the alliums."

"I'm glad you do. Did you get the other present?"

"I love the necklace."

"Good. Took a while to find."

"Why did you do it?"

"Pardon?"

"Why... why did you send me the flowers and the necklace? Nobody's ever done something that nice for me."

"Because I love you."

She ached to tell him about Morgause. Ask him about whatever had led her to finding him the other night. So many questions and not one could come out of her mouth.

"Are you sure you're alright Morgana?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she lied. "So, dinner with Gwen and Arthur this weekend?"

"Sure, whatever they want to do is fine with me."

"I'll let them know."

"Morgana."

"Yes Merlin?"

"You know I'm always here for you, right?"

"I do."

"Okay. Anything else going on?"

"Um, I was about to eat. I just wanted to make sure I called you."

"Well, thank you."

"Of course. Love you."

"Love you too."

"Talk to you later."

A very loud Meow woke her. She looked down at a very concerned Mordred. He couldn't be just a cat, he was too smart. And his smartness irritated her like it did now. There was nothing prepped in the fridge so she looked in the pantry. Beans. A sigh and she accepted her fate. She'd have to go to the store at some point. Mordred was still nudging at her as they went to bed.

Morgana awoke to a text from Morgause. She was sorry, dreadfully sorry. Of course she knew her planned wedding was abrupt so of course she could understand Morgana's surprise and distain for it. (It was actually about the giving Cenred a pass for his crimes against humanity alongside Morgause's own.) (Among other things that Morgause would never acknowledge). And she at least begged Morgana to help out with the wedding preparation since she would know Morgause's tastes better than the wedding planner she had hired. She just wanted help getting ready for her big day. Mordred sat up next to her head, staring at her intensely.

"It'll be give a mouse of cookie if I say yes, won't it?" she asked him. He blinked. "She is my friend. I should help her." Another blink and he walked around the pillow next to her before slinking into a circle. "I'll regret this."

Morgause, still awake, was delighted that Morgana would help. She felt something nag on her insides. A parasitic ring worm named Morgause.

* * *

Saturday night and they prepared to leave for Arthur's for the double date. Gwen had been horrified that Merlin was unfamiliar with classic movies that she insisted on a stay in movie date. Morgana had laughed when her friend had told her after conversing with him over text in an effort to think of a good double date idea. Morgana had worn a bright red halter top with bootcut jeans. Her wavy hair was pulled into a ponytail and gold glitter dashed around her eyes. Merlin had dressed plainly with a red t-shirt and the brown bomber jacket he frequently wore.

"You have to change," Morgana had commanded him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I picked my outfit out nights ago!"

He sighed rolling his eyes and Morgana laughed.

"I suppose we can match for this date," she said, latching onto his arm.

Mordred jumped into his bed, for once, not bothering the couple. Merlin, as usual, promised to bring her home that night.

Gwen wore lilac colored bohemian pants with a white top and was delighted that the two of them had shown up. They heard Arthur in the kitchen. The pleasant demeanor of Gwen dropped as she rushed into the kitchen. Of course, Arthur had put the popcorn on a higher temperature than needed which left to a much more messy kitchen.

"Can you... please, try to put the movie on in the other room," Gwen said.

"Sorry love," Arthur said, he kissed Gwen's cheek before walking into the next room.

Gwen had gone to grab for the broom before Merlin muttered something and the popcorn was back in the pan.

"Thank you, Merlin," Gwen said as she went to throw away the burnt popcorn.

He gave a sheepish grin to the floor.

"Anyway, we have cheese pizza, mushroom and sausage and gluten free pizza," Gwen said. "You can just carry the boxes on the island outside."

"You're so thoughtful, Gwen," Morgana beamed.

"I do my best."

"Do you need anymore help? Are you okay to come sit down with us?"

Gwen looked around anxiously.

"Drinks," she remembered.

"Cans at the bottom of the pantry?" Morgana asked.

A nod. Morgana carried the cases of soda outside. Gwen seemed relieved that she didn't have to do anything without any more hiccups. Morgana made a note to chew out her twin for being an ass. Of course, he never meant to be an ass. It wasn't necessarily his fault he was the useless twin. But he could be thoughtful at times. He just needed to be reminded he needed to try to make more of an effort to carry his weight instead of using his uselessness as an excuse.

Old eighties rom coms were what Gwen had chosen. Morgana leaned herself on Merlin's side once it was implied that the pizza was done. Arthur had gotten up to grab beers, he asked Merlin if he wanted one and Merlin had declined. He came back with two beers, himself and one for Gwen. She smiled and kissed him. Morgana looked over at them and decided she shouldn't be too harsh on her twin. They helped cleaned up and Arthur and Gwen told them that they were glad to have the double date and ought to do it again.

Merlin kissed her at the door as he dropped her off. He promised that he would start training her with her magic the following week. She jumped him in a hug.

"Thank you, for promising to train me with my magic," she said.

"Of course. There is one place I want to show you. And maybe another place in France. Maybe," he rambled.

"Anywhere as long as it's with you."

He pulled her tighter into a hug. There was that weird feeling she got from him. Like she was reaching for a memory but it was out of reach.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Thought I would post earlier than I planned. I know this Corona thing is just wild right now so I hoped posting would provide a decent distraction from it. Or at least something to do while self quarantines and social distancing is a thing. Hoping that you are all well, taking care of yourselves. _

_Thank you so much for the reviews so far xx_


	6. The Sorcerer's Apprentice

_The Sorcerer's Apprentice _

Monday it had started raining although it had started out as a light rain. Merlin had picked her up after work and asked if she and Mordred wanted to stay at his flat for the convenience. If they wanted to. She packed a duffle bag of outfits and what she would need, and then put a bag of Mordred's food in her work backpack. Merlin carried her duffle while she walked with Mordred in her arms.

At first, learning magic seemed like such a wonderful thing. Only he was insistent on her learning more technical and grounding spells. Lighting a fire with magic was easy and he kept telling her to do it over and over again. Her levitation wasn't bad, but he insisted that she try again and again. "It's not supposed to wobble that hard when you lift it". She didn't feel drained at all. She wanted to learn more spells, she knew she was powerful and capable of more. Mordred rubbed against her ankle. Merlin made her tea and they sat on the couch.

"You did really well tonight," he said.

"Didn't seem perfect at all by your judgement," Morgana hissed.

"Morgana, I want you to understand your powers and control them. Not have them control you. That's what I'm trying to teach you right now."

The tea really wasn't that bad.

"Now I feel a little ridiculous after hearing that," she said.

"You shouldn't!" Merlin responded.

She put her hand on his forearm. It was fine. They went to bed together and Mordred found himself comfortable on a pile of sweaters.

The next day Merlin drove her to the office. It was absolutely pouring. Morgana undid the pink toned Burberry umbrella as she stepped out of the car. Barely a meter to the door, still. Sefa walked in a little later, drenched. Morgana went to the office coffee pot and made the two of them a cup. Her assistant was pleasantly surprised. Morgana reached for her dragon pendant as she looked over new documents. Some she sent over to Sefa to get a faster synopsis of. And then more documents from Morgause about possible wedding plans. The wedding planner was CC'd. She huffed. She should be the one being copied not the other way around.

The office felt slow with the rain. It pittered against the windows of the building providing a soothing melody. Morgana contemplated on if she was taking her relationship with Merlin too fast. After all, they hadn't been together very long and she was staying at his place long term. Staying over at each others place wasn't unusual, it was the foundation. But a week wasn't very long, and it was to help her practice her magic. Lost in her thoughts she barely saw Sefa at her desk.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a sort of dreamy way.

"I was wondering if I might be able to be let out early today round two. My friend he's um, getting back in from Boston and I haven't seen him in a while," Sefa asked, trying to not stutter over her words.

"Oh? A boy?"

She put her chin on her palm as she looked up at the girl with glee.

"His name is Jeffries, and he's, well he'd been my best mate since primary and then he's been studying medicine in Boston..." Sefa rambled. "He's faced time me a while, frequently. And he's supposed to be landing about..."

"Go," Morgana said.

"But Morgana..."

"You clearly care about his wellbeing. Who am I to stop you? Besides, I don't fancy staying in here in the rain myself."

Sefa beamed and scurried off back to her desk.

Morgana looked at her computer again. No, she was content with her relationship with Merlin. And she wasn't sure what her past life of Lady Morgana had to do with him, but it did feel like playing catch up. But it never felt like she had to run kilos to do so.

Training was difficult. Merlin kept insisting she had to learn the proper pronunciation and that she had to enunciate her spells. She'd grown a habit of whispering, mumbling at all. In her head she could think of a spell and it would work just as well as if she had said the spell out loud. Still, she tried to comply with Merlin's teaching methods. Mordred had the habit of sitting on whatever nearby pile of books was around to glare at him. Perhaps he picked up that Morgana didn't need to use verbal spells either.

They ordered take away for dinner before resuming training again. He poured her a glass of wine once they finished for the day to him. She saw him linger over a small wooden chest.

"What's that?" she asked, standing next to him.

"It's something from Avalon," he said. "I don't know... I don't know when to show it to you. But, I think this might help you."

She watched as he muttered a spell and the box clicked open. Inside was a vial of clear blue water. He opened it's cap and instructed her to hold it. Then he grabbed a nearby knife, a small one, before taking her free hand and cutting her thumb. Forcefully he put it on the top of the vial. The blood sank in it before the water turned it's neat shade of blue once more.

"Drink it," he said. "Before we go to bed."

He passed her a bandage and she nodded in understanding.

She carried the vial with her carefully as she got ready for bed. Her hair was down and fell in soft cascaded waves over her chest. Mordred jumped onto the toilet seat. Morgana rolled her eyes with a smirk as she picked up the vial again. He mewed, painfully. She closed her eyes and drank it. Nothing. Then she walked back out to the bedroom. Merlin held onto her tight as they went to sleep together. It made her feel safe.

All of the visions she'd had flooded her. But they passed by chronologically it disturbed her. She saw herself look way as her father committed a person to being decapitated for using magic, and when she looked out again from her tower she saw Merlin. Merlin in this large crowd. And everything flew by. Then she saw Merlin run into the room with a small boy. He had dark floppy hair and bright blue eyes. Mordred. She tried to protect him. And then she was in a camp and Merlin told her they had to leave. And she saw Morgause. And Morgause who helped her with her nightmares with a bracelet. And then she saw herself become someone she didn't know. A person she didn't feel like she could ever be. And then she was in a dark tower with hanging foliage. Nightmare visions of the people she cared about appeared. Morgause always appeared, always reassuring her that she was only safe with her. And more schemes, more pain. The visions of trying to kill Merlin made more sense. And Mordred came back to her even after her atrocities. And she buried his body, swearing revenge. And then Merlin killed her.

She woke up to the sound of thunder. It was dark. Where was Merlin? She could feel herself trying to even her breathing. In her past life, Morgause had put her under a dark spell to go along with destroying the Pendragons, and she had essentially lost her soul and her mind in the process becoming the wicked thing her visions had been telling her. Morgana tried to go back to sleep, she did, but she could only feel herself stay awake with her eyes closed.

Merlin wanted to drive her to work before he went to the library.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked her.

"I just... you gave me my memories back," she said. "I'd like to think that I'm smart enough to know that I'm not entirely my past life. Similar, yes, but not the same."

"An intelligent observation."

"But Merlin... even if... how could you love me? How could you love this version of me when... when I was such a despicable thing in your eyes?"

She hadn't quite processed that he'd pulled over in the rain as she sobbed.

"And I hate you," she choked out. "You never bothered to think that something was wrong with me, that dark magic coursed through me against my will. But you knew when Gwen wasn't right. You knew right away. You were able to save her but you never saved me! I loved you! I did, I know that Lady Morgana loved you! And you... you never saved me, you never tried, and when... when it consumed me so wholly you thought it righteous to kill me! You thought it was justified to kill a woman you had once loved because you thought she was too far from loving!"

Her hands fell out of her hair. Her nose crinkled at the shedding.

"If you want to get out of the car, I won't stop you," he said not looking at her.

Morgana's face fell. She reached out for his forearm but he barely reacted.

"If you want to say that you were understanding your past life, I would understand. But I am still that same person. I am not reincarnated as you are. You should feel justified to hate me," he said.

"I am not Lady Morgana. I am not leaving you. Because I know that you still tried to do the right thing even if it ended in a Greek Tragedy," she retorted. "I love you, Merlin. I love you with my whole being."

"Don't say that."

Her other hand jerked him to look at her.

"This pendant? Will never come off," she said, holding the dragon on her neck. "Everything that we have done together does not change the fact that I love you. I know that mind, body and soul I am yours."

"That's saying a lot," he said. "I don't know if you want to mean it."

"Merlin! If the universe didn't want us together, why did it keep bringing us back together?"

She was sobbing into his shoulder now.

"I know that I am lost without you because I've felt found since you saved me," Morgana choked. "In the street. And I... I cannot loose you because it would be loosing myself."

He wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm sorry I gave you those memories, you'd deserved to know," Merlin said.

"Don't leave me," she cried. "Don't ever leave me."

"Never."

She reluctantly stepped out of the car once they approached the office. Sefa gave her the notice that Morgause wanted to see her in Morgauses' office. Morgana simply replied to send her any short notes and accompanying documents that came in during the day. Morgause wore a satin pink pantsuit that didn't seem at all like her. Her wedding planner, Jenna, was also sitting down. Morgana forced a smile as she sat down.

Morgana:  
_Still picking me up from work?_

Merlin:  
_I'll be there! _

She quickly turned away from her phone and tried to act engaged in the planning. It was an awful experience to constantly critique poor Jenna's ideas, and if she wasn't then Morgause was criticizing the both of them. She'd gone over the file that Morgause had sent on Jenna. A well accomplished wedding planner, had done a number of celebrity weddings, moved to the UK after graduating from school in Japan. The day couldn't go on any longer and she hadn't been able to message Merlin under Morgause's watchful narcissistic eye.

Merlin's car was patiently waiting for her in the rain. She leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"How was work?" he asked.

"Dreadful," she responded, he kissed her cheek.

Her phone beeped.

Arthur:  
_Rugby game on Sunday. Cheer me on with Gwen?_

Arthur (2):  
_Merlin can come too I guess_

Morgana rolled her eyes.

"What is it?" Merlin asked.

"Arthur's invited us to his rugby game at the end of the week. It's really just him and some mates from the naval academy that do it for fun every once in a while," Morgana explained.

"I am happy to go with you to Arthur's game."

She grinned and kissed him. Something to look forward to after Morgause's torture.

At the house, Morgana had tried to use her magic to do menial tasks. Small things. Sometimes she muttered spells but she found so long as she concentrated on what she wanted the spell to do, and had some sort of visual idea, then she didn't need to put so much control over a spell. Merlin had gone into his study, trying to find something about a spell or another. A grin formed on Morgana's face. She stretched her hand out and thought about the books around the kitchen levitating. Good. Then she brought forth the mop. The sink started flowing and the mop started to swish around the floors. Merlin would be delighted that she could maintain this many spells.

"Morgana!" he called from his study.

She left the spells to their devices before creeping into the room. He was standing in front of a map. It hadn't been there before.

"I think we should go to Avalon. It's very well hidden but I believe that it would provide a well equipped area for you to practice your magic and sword fighting," he said.

"Sword fighting?" Morgana scoffed. Fencing, perhaps, but Gwen had always been a tad better than her. The lightness threw her.

"You used to be very good at it. Well, your first past life. Took out most of the rogues that attacked my village."

"I thought we'd said that..."

"That you weren't entirely the Lady Morgana? No. No but a fragment of her is in you, and you deserve to know the skills you possess."

She looked at the map. It looked extremely dated and worn.

"When were you planning on this trip?" she asked.

"After Arthur left," Merlin said. "I didn't think it would be fair to plan it any sooner when you still had time with him."

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Considering me, and my family."

"Of course. Always."

Something itched at her heart. First life.

"I've been reincarnated before, haven't I?" she asked.

"You have."

"Did we always find each other?"

"Yes. The first few times you regained your memories faster, and you tried to kill me."

"Oh..."

"I always find you before I find anyone else."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Fate, destiny, whatever it is magic always wants us together. Maybe not together. But whatever it is, we are intertwined."

Her arms crossed over to hug herself.

"What was my last reincarnation like?" Morgana asked, her voice soft.

"You didn't remember your past at all, ever. And you were, you always looked caged but you were so caring when you could be. Reminded me, a lot of the early days with... Lady Morgana," Merlin reminisced. "I tried to kill myself after you, she, died."

"Why would you do that!"

She had stepped in front of Merlin, dropping her arms. Fury raged in her.

"I could show you later. With the Avalon water," he said, calmly.

Morgana felt her brows scrunch together. There were tears in his eyes. The sound of dripping water came about. Her eyes widened. They stepped outside and saw the lower floor mostly flooded. The books were hovering above the water while the other furniture waded in the water. Merlin stuck his hand out muttering a spell. The water receded, the books went back to sitting where they had; her mess was cleaned up.

"I thought I'd help out," Morgana murmured.

"Your magic definitely reacts to your emotions," Merlin said. "If you could hone in on them better, you'd have more control. It would explain how strong you are. It's your strength."

She felt her shoulders slump. Of course her spell had to have errors.

* * *

The rain stopped Saturday night leading to a very fog heavy Sunday morning. Morgana had packed snacks in her backpack and Mordred refused to leave his pile of sweaters. Once they stepped out of the flat, she felt a chill. Well, the fog leaving was nothing unusual. It felt like someone was following them, her. And she wanted to ask Merlin if he had a similar feeling, but she supposed it was typical female paranoia. A disturbing phenomena among women of the itch of being followed, because allowing ones woman self to not be on guard would have disastrous consequences.

"The other week, when I found you in the park... how?" she mused.

"Pardon?" Merlin asked.

"You were in a fight with the witch, and I'm guessing it was my magic now, but how did it know how to find you? How was I able to find you?"

"Your magic is tied to your emotions, I would suppose it would sense if I was in trouble."

A pause.

"As I was passing out, I thought of you. I might've reached out as well."

They arrived at the park and she saw the group huddled on the other side of the grass. The sun was starting to come up. Leon, Percival, Elyon, she noticed first. Merlin looked shell shocked.

"Oh you guys came," Gwen squealed, coming up and holding Morgana's hands. Arthur stood behind her.

"Wouldn't miss it," Morgana responded.

"Let's find a place to sit. I'm sure the others will be here shortly."

Arthur kissed Gwen's cheek before walking over to the guys. They sat on the edge of the field together and Gwen kindly pointed out the players and positions to Merlin. He nodded along politely although he didn't seem quite all there. The game started and Morgana felt proud watching her brother. A cold wind hit her back. She turned around, Merlin and Gwen too busy to notice the oddity. In the trees behind them she saw a dark cloaked hooded figure. Watching her. Her hand reached over for Merlin. When he turned around, the figure was gone.

"What was it Morgana?" he asked her.

"The witch," Morgana said, knowing the shadow.

He put his arm around her and they tried to resume watching the game.

"There's only two or three of them missing," Merlin said. "Amazing that Arthur's found most of his knights already."

"Your friend, Gwaine, he must be one. Right?" Morgana pestered.

"I'm sure."

"Are we ever going to wake them? The way you woke me up? I mean, surely they must be entitled to know of their, positions. After Arthur returns, perhaps?"

"Do you really think Arthur is prepared to become who he's meant to be just yet? Much less his friends?"

Morgana sank back into her seat. She was afraid for Arthur. He was coming into his own and actually starting to mature finally. Yet, him becoming King... She surely didn't want to take the crown if it was ever presented to her. But it seemed too much for him. Arthur was a golden retriever, capable but she was afraid that his good heart wouldn't be able to take it. The most she could hope was that by the time that he and Gwen came back that he would be more sure of himself so she wouldn't have to regret waking him.

And she thought of Merlin's friend Gwaine. She'd met him once in passing at the library and Merlin told her much about him anyway. Part of her was afraid of the time they'd have to wake the knights, wake him, because of her memories. Would he think of her as Lady Morgana when he woke, or would he think that because she was a new person that she wasn't entirely the Lady Morgana? The memories of Lady Morgana torturing him crushed her heart. She just wanted to be good and just and do the right thing.

Gwen nudged her arm. The game was over. She avoided being hugged by Leon, who absolutely loved trying to tackle anyone with his sweat that hated it. Merlin seemed to making friends with Arthur, albeit with Gwen's assistance. It almost reminded her of her visions. The sun was fully in the air again. Morgana looked over her shoulder back to the trees. Nothing.

* * *

_Authors Notes: __This was a little more slice of life than I wanted but, hey why not have Merlin teach Morgana LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE. Any comments or reviews are always appreciated. _

_To avoid having a drastic screen time report, I turn to my laptop. At least my phone can't log it. _


	7. It was War but I Fell in Love

_It Was War but I Fell in Love_

Somehow he had ended up in a small town in the north of France. A thousand years and he allowed himself to maintain his "true" form of an old man. It did come in handy as rarely did anyone question a frail old looking man. A thousand years was too long for anyone and he wondered how Kilgarrah had done it. He would live forever immortal. Cursed to wait for the day that Arthur Pendragon came back to be the once and future king once more. The world had grown so much and the magic had left long ago. He wondered if it was right to even hope that Arthur would come back.

He walked through the small quaint village. A paper boy was shouting about the Great War fast approaching. Wars. Too many years of war had plagued his eyes. Merlin walked to the local inn at the end of the town. The couple that ran the inn were briefly reluctant before allowing him a room for a few nights. He considered going back to England to see if Arthur was back. He would know. Arthur was not back. Merlin walked with his staff back into the main part of the village. He went into the bakery, getting a loaf of bread with some cheeses. Plain, but he'd had worse times. A mass of long wavy black hair past by the window. As he walked out he followed the direction, unsure why.

There were two children that had soot covered faces. A woman wearing a bright purple dress with long wavy black hair that had pearls threaded through it knelt in front of them. She looked around before giving them a basket, it looked like it had toys and food in it. He hid behind a pillar closer to them.

"I know it's not much, but I don't want your mother worrying much more. I'm sure your father is doing fine in the military," the woman said with a caring tone.

"Thank you mademoiselle," one of the children said.

"Now run along home."

The two children did indeed run off with the basket of goodies. The woman stood up. Morgana. Graceful as ever. Then he dropped the loaf of bread and cheeses and struggled to pick them up. Damn the old bones.

"Here let me help you," the voice said again.

He looked up and Morgana had picked up the cheeses. His legs wobbled as he stood up with his staff and the bread.

"You must be new in town," she grinned.

"Passing by," he said.

"You're English?"

"Aye."

"Would you like me to help you walk back to where it is you're staying? I'd hate for you to have another accident."

"You're too kind my lady."

She laughed. He thought she looked beautiful when she laughed.

"I'm no lady," she said. "Although I suppose the townspeople would think I am since my father runs the factory that keeps them afloat. Now what's a man like you roaming around by himself?"

"Keeping myself occupied before my friend shows up again," he said.

"Must be some friend."

"He was... is."

They had just made a turn before seeing a large looking car parked by the nearby church. Morgana had paused.

"Oh dear," she muttered.

"Is something wrong?" Merlin asked.

"My father's at the church. Soon enough he'll have his entourage trying to find me. Then he'll chew my out for not studying my English. I'm horrible at it, really. Why bother?"

"Well, I'm staying at this hotel at the moment. Shouldn't be keeping you much longer."

"Are you sure you'll be fine on your own monsieur?"

"I'll be fine."

"I'm Morgana Pendragon by the way."

"A delight."

She gave him his cheeses back before running off quickly. When he walked in with his purchases the innkeeper and his wife looked at him oddly. He went into his room, slicing the loaf with cheese. It still felt warm. He thought about this new reincarnated Morgana Pendragon. Who seemed to care about the struggling people in the town and did her best to help in any small way she could. Merlin thought she was very much like the Morgana Pendragon he had first met so long ago. Then he walked down the stairs, wondering if he'd find anything of substance for dinner in the town. He hadn't made it very far before the innkeepers wife offered to share their dinner with him.

The innkeepers wife, Alice, was a very kind woman. She had prepared an onion soup and it was a very fine soup he found. They did pester him about Morgana Pendragon. He told them that she had simply helped this poor old man after he dropped his groceries and insisted on walking with him so he would not be overwhelmed. Gary, her husband, looked familiar but not enough, had told him that her father Uther, was a very firm man and refused to let her go aid in the war. Morgana Pendragon had a soft heart and a kind soul, but had to sneak help since Uther looked down on it. To him, giving the people of the village a job at his factory was enough for him to owe them. Alice had mentioned that Morgana lived on the Avalon Villa with her father that was on the reaches of town and it was a beautiful large thing with sprawling lands... and then Gary had glared at her for saying too much. Gary had taken the dishes to clean when they were finished. Merlin thanked them for the meal and bid them a night.

He laid on the hard bed. Contemplating the next move. Two more days and two more nights. Part of him scolded himself for being drawn to a woman so much younger than him. A woman that if she did remember him would likely want to kill him. He decided that when he left he would transform himself back into his more youthful appearance and go to the Villa in an effort to become Morgana's new English tutor. It seemed like a good idea.

He said goodbye to Alice and Gary, before taking the long way to Avalon Villa. He changed into the nicer attire in an abandoned hut while changing his appearance. The guard at the gate had reluctantly let him in. The butler, Reginald, had told him that Monsieur Pendragon would meet with him later that afternoon. So he waited. There was the sound of a harp playing from somewhere in the house. He waited in the sitting room as instructed. Monsieur Pendragon made his way in and interrogated him furiously. He pulled out papers from his briefcase that were charmed to show the Monsieur what he wanted to see. He was granted the ability to tutor the young Morgana Pendragon for her English. Monsieur Pendragon had even granted him chambers in the house since he had no other place to go and he assumed it would make the lessons easier to manage.

Morgana Pendragon had been furious when the Monsieur told her. She had wanted to scream at this new tutor that he ought to not waste his time until she saw his eyes. They were startling familiar. She bit her tongue. After a week she confronted him. He was the old man from the village. Merlin admitted it. She invited him to have dinner with them for the next week instead of eating with the servants. The next week she asked him how he could turn old to young and possibly back again. Merlin told her that he was an immortal warlock. She suggested they have lessons outside as it would be pleasant for the next week. A week after that and she inquired as to why he had sought her out. She reminded him of an old friend. Monsieur Pendragon was impressed by the results the tutoring was having. Morgana insisted that Merlin stay longer and Monsieur granted this request.

The news of the war was growing and devastating and Morgana was heartbroken when her request to aid as a nurse was rejected by her father. She'd stowed into his rooms that night. Late at night. He had been reading, wearing a loose white shirt with his trousers. She'd worn a very thin red slip dress under a black robe. She'd inquired about the book and other things about his life. Slowly she'd stalked closer to his bed where he was sitting. She kissed him. It had surprised him. Horribly did she try to seduce him. And he pushed her away, insisting that it was wrong. He was far, far too old for her, despite looking only ten years older. She insisted she didn't care. Then he told her no and she was furious. She'd fixed her robe over herself, insisting that it had been a mistake and ran out of the room.

Quietly they worked over the next few months. Sometimes she asked him questions, but her demeanor was now more reserved. Monsieur Pendragon thought now was a suitable time for her to find a husband. She chided him that any man left in town was too old or too poor to qualify as a good husband since the good men had left for war. Monsieur sighed. In his time since staying with the Pendragons, he found that Morgana held no possible magics. It made him sad yet relieved. They were in the sun room studying when he told her that he was drawn to her because she strongly resembled a woman he had once fell in love with centuries ago. Monsieur was leaving for Paris that afternoon as his attentions were needed elsewhere. He felt guilt over taking Morgana's innocence. They were in his bed late, when she told him that she wished to marry him. He was a poor man masquerading as a tutor, he didn't make much money outside of the generous but still humble salary her father paid him. She held onto his side, burying her face in his shoulder.

Monsieur Pendragon was called into war. He insisted he wouldn't be in the path of destruction, a very safe position, but he wouldn't be home for at least a year. Morgana Pendragon was named lady of the house. The villa flourished under her and what they had extra they gave to the villagers. Merlin remained her tutor and her lover in this time. The servants didn't question them but the villagers were delighted to see her in town with a handsome fellow. She insisted on making the trips herself with a few of the servants and Merlin. He didn't question her. They were taking a ride on the horses when Morgana had stopped her horse and clutched at her heart. Something was wrong and they went back to the villa. Nothing was a miss, everything was in order, the town was well. Three days later a telegram arrived. Monsieur Pendragon was killed in a bombing.

Merlin took over her duties as she lay bedridden. He felt as though he wasn't doing as good of a job, but he'd watched Morgana do it for long enough he thought he could pull it off. The funeral was held a month later, after his ashes had been sent to the villa. Morgana was out of it as the officer arrived with the urn. Merlin felt oddly defensive over Morgana. The officer was young, younger than him, with handsome features and a pleasant demeanor. Still, it seemed as if he wanted to take advantage of the young mourning woman. Whatever rage was surrounding Merlin led to the officer running along.

"My father would have liked me to marry him," Morgana muttered.

"Let's worry about his funeral, shall we darling?" Merlin insisted.

The funeral was attended, Morgana allowed Monsieur's business partner Gorloris take over most of the duties. Gorloris was an honorable man and made sure that Morgana wouldn't be cheated of her family's business. Slowly but surely Morgana became happier. A few times she had Gorloris over to go over the business with so she could have a better understanding herself. And Merlin had proposed to her and she had said yes. It was a small one, on the villa. She looked stunning in the plain white dress. And it was a happy affair of course. War, famine, and pestilence, remained far from their happy village. Merlin contemplated if Morgana did have magic, since the village always seemed too idyllic compared to the rest of the world. Surely magic must be protecting it.

A year had passed since the end of the war. Morgana thought herself pregnant and so Merlin went into town with her since she wanted to be prepared for when it arrived. The local physician had told her she was. And they went in search of a crib they could order, and then to a tailor to order baby clothes. The sky was bright blue without a cloud. It had been such a lovely day.

Then a rogue had stormed into town with a gun that seemed too advanced. A bitter German that had been deserted in France after loosing the war. Merlin had tried to get her to hide. Humanity had grown more monstrous since his days in Camelot. Screams. Death. And Morgana had wanted to run when it seemed like they had an opportunity. The rogue was nearby. She looked at him afraid. He was immortal. If he was shot, somebody would notice and it would be odd for him to survive. The rogue focused on them. Morgana jerked herself in front of Merlin. Her eyes went wide as she looked up at him.

The rogue was taken down shortly after that. He sat in the street with a dying, dead, Morgana in his arms. He'd gone mad when they tried to pull her away from him. When he went back to the villa, he dismissed all of the servants. Told them to talk to Gorloris for a new job. He'd tried to kill himself. For days and days and days. Never a scar or a bruise remained. He sobbed. He left the town after that. His heart was utterly broken.

* * *

Morgana stared off into the view of the picturesque landscape of the Abbey. It was a smaller sized venue and she could hear Morgause squabbling with the guide and Jenny. The wedding could be less important to her. There was only a week left until Gwen and Arthur left, and the two of them had been anxiously packing recently and she and Merlin had only recently managed to help out a few days ago. He had given her the Avalon water of his memories and it had her shaken.

He hadn't necessarily pushed her away after she had woken up. It had just been a strange experience. And her heart was overfilled with emotions that she might've blown out the lights in his flat. She wasn't the Lady Morgana, and she hadn't been this last incarnation either. Both of them knew that. The strangest part was that Merlin's memories of Morgana felt like they lingered in her own mind, as if they were a part of her that she wasn't allowed to remember herself. Only the memories of Lady Morgana had ever had a firm hold on her subconscious. Still, there was a part of him that became reclusive. She wondered if it was because he knew how intensely she felt and wanted to help him, only he had moved on from it decades ago already. Stranger and stranger things became.

A jerk went through her arm.

Morgana looked on her left and saw that Morgause had already linked their arms together and was guiding them towards the stairs that led down to the generous lawn.

"Do you think I should walk down from the left or the right side of these stairs?" Morgause asked.

"Right, it's always been your most flattering side," Morgause said.

"Thank you for noticing! Jenny was insisting I start left, but if I walk down the middle anyway, what's the difference?"

Morgana simply nodded.

"I'd love to have my biological father walk me down the isle," Morgause said.

"A mildly odd request," Morgana said.

Morgause had told her to keep private about her familial life. Especially as they went into politics. Morgause had been humiliated to learn that her mother Viviane had had an affair while legally married to Gorloris. Gorloris had however been a good man and listed himself as the father, although the information about the biological father was given entirely during the pregnancy to the doctors.

Morgana had met Gorloris a few times since befriending Morgause. Morgause had only ever really met Arthur and Gwen, and sometimes it made Morgana feel like a bad friend even if she ran in the same circles as Morgause. And her opinion of Gorloris was usually fine, he wasn't physically attractive and from the wedding pictures, probably never had been. But he was a sweet man with a head on good shoulders and she could understand Gorloris forgiving his wife and taking Morgause as his own. His personality would never suggest otherwise.

"This is supposed to be the wedding of the century, and Gorloris is," Morgause sighed deeply. "He's a fine man but he had no backbone. Truthfully I find him weak. And I've done some research about my biological father, and it would make much more sense to have him walk me down the isle. Would fit more with the oh what is it? Atmosphere."

"You'd humiliate Gorloris as well," Morgana said.

"He's adamantly against my wedding!"

"You've made the date quite abrupt, I don't fault him for thinking it was shotgun."

"Morgana!"

"Alright. So how do you plan on arranging your biological father to walk you down the isle for your wedding that is in a week?"

"Well, I thought I would ask you."

"Morgause, I said I would help with your wedding, not take the place of your wedding planner."

"Oh but it is just helping me out with my wedding! You're the only one that can accomplish this task!"

"What's the poor bastards name? You have an address?"

"His name is Uther Pendragon."

* * *

_Authors Notes: Okay, sorry for the delay with this chapter! I kept trying to write after the memory with different outtakes before being okay with this one. Also let me know what you thought about the memory sequence. Seriously I've had it planned out forever. And this ending oh my god! _

_At the moment, where I'm at it's looking like our quarantine will be lifted late April, and although I would love to go back to work May 1st I'm honestly hoping it'll be extended. My aunt had a scare earlier in the month about possibly contracting it and I'm relieved that the test came out negative. At best watching movies for classes and classes have been keeping me mostly occupied during this time. Also some Disney+ moments going on. Hope you guys are all well and coping as best as you can in these times, leave a comment about what's helping you get through if you want too! _


	8. It's a Frail State of Mind

_Authors Notes: WHERE THE HECK IS KING ARTHUR ISN'T HE SUPPOSED TO BE RISING ABOUT NOW? I Need a Hero covered in Shrek is the only acceptable cover. And relatable._

* * *

_It's a Frail State of Mind_

A chilling anticipation came as the day of Arthur's departure came. Of course he had to leave. It was his duty, and he wasn't King yet. Morgana tried to assure herself that when he came back he would be a more experienced vessel to become king. He and Gwen had already arranged the transfer of their belongings so carry on it was for dropping them off at the airport. Elyon sat in the back with Gwen and Arthur. He'd wanted to see his sister off, which was an understandable request. Tom unfortunately, had deadlines to make and reluctantly stayed at his shop. Uther was stuck doing something work related keeping him from seeing the departure.

"And we're here," Merlin said, pulling into the departures of the airport.

Elyon got out and helped Gwen pull out the bags with Arthur. Arthur adjusted his runsack as Morgana got out of the car.

"Does it make me look too stocky? Be serious," Arthur asked.

"Vain as always," Morgana grinned.

"You'll be okay with us gone? I get you have big ears in the car..."

She smacked his arm. Half playful, half vengeful.

"Quite rude of you to say," Morgana said.

"Alright, I take it back. He's hopelessly in love with you anyway," Arthur shrugged. "I know you don't like to be separated..."

"That's you."

"Think you'll come down at some point?"

"Oh, I dunno Arthur. Besides, you start asking too many questions and I'm bound to start sobbing and break down when I swore that I would hold myself together when you left."

He hugged her to her surprise. Hugging Arthur left a warm sense of comfort.

"Oh, group hug!" she heard Gwen beam.

And she felt more arms around her and Arthur, and grinned.

* * *

It was about three when they made it home from the airport, dropping Elyon off, and grabbing take away. Things were going very very well in Morgana's opinion. The door opened and Mordred greeted their feet. Merlin set the bags on the table and Morgana kissed his cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked, a rose coming to his cheeks.

"I wanted to," Morgana smiled.

She started spinning to a tune she started humming. A sharp pain went through her head and she felt herself collapsing as she grabbed her head. Instead of hitting the ground she felt Merlin catching her in his arms.

"Something's wrong," Morgana said, her hand on her forehead.

"Is it Arthur? But how could it be Arthur he should still be on his plane," Merlin asked.

"No, no it's not Arthur. Something is wrong, Merlin."

Mordred pawed at her. He jumped on the fridge. She walked out of Merlin's arm to the fridge. Morgauses' wedding invitation.

"Are you even really a cat?" she asked him.

"Meow," was his response.

"He thinks it's Morgause," Merlin said.

"A plausible theory... today's her wedding."

The wheels started spinning in her head it would power a steam punk fiction itself. She found her phone and called Uther. Straight to voicemail. Morgana went into her room and held on the frame turning back to Merlin.

"How do you feel about crashing a wedding?" Morgana asked with a smile.

* * *

Her arm rested in the crook of Merlin's arm. She'd worn a pale pink leaning white dress that had a halter neck and straight skirt; the bodice had pearls and pink flowers decorating it. The Abbey was dark as they walked through it.

"Are you prepared for the possibility that we'll have to fight her? If the situation arose," Merlin asked. "You're still undertrained with your magic."

"If she has my father, I will do whatever I can to protect him," Morgana stated confidently.

She avoided looking at him. For the realization that Morgause was indeed her sister was finally settling into her head. Truly by blood even if it was only paternal. Could she live with herself if she had to kill her sister? Her hold on Merlin loosened instead her hand fell grazing his arm. He held her hand instead as she ran leading them through the venue.

Below, she saw Morgause and Cenred exchanging vows under the sunset and she saw Uther at the front quite visible. _No._ Her grip on Merlin finally loosened and she tried to run, cursing the heels she wore that slowed her down. The vows were settled, the guests clapped. And she came to the stairs and cursed her luck.

Morgause saw her first. Glee first before worry. Morgana stalked down the stairs with a cold expression. Merlin trailed behind her. Then the crowd noticed.

"Why, here to celebrate your dear sisters wedding finally?" Morgause called with a forced smile and coldness.

"I have no sister," Morgause said, reaching the end of the stairs.

While the rest of the guests had moved away from the confrontation, Uther remained in his seat at the front. He looked utterly vegetable.

"Daddy!" Morgana cried out. Merlin held her arm, holding her back. "What did you do to him?"

"Oh, just a little concoction I made," Morgause said. "I wouldn't have needed to use it had you done what I asked and brought him yourself. And then I tried to talk to him myself but my what an awful man. It'll wear off soon... or not at all. It's been eons since I've made that certain brew."

"You're the witch that's been following us."

"You say that like it's brand new information. You knew Morgana!"

Morgause let out a small laugh.

"Merlin, grab my father. I'll deal with her," Morgana said.

"Morgana," Merlin protested.

"We don't have time."

The sunset turned purple and thick clouds started forming ahead. Morgana looked into the clouds seeing thin lines of lightening flashing in them. The crowd started to rush back into the building sensing the threatening animosity. She couldn't help but roll her eyes when she saw Cendred running away with the crowd. Sure, he was mortal. But the wafting cowardness disgusted her.

"You're really going to trust him?" Morgause laughed. "Him! A man that betrayed you over and over again, and tried to kill you!"

"I am not the Lady Morgana, Morgause," Morgana said. "I am not your puppet. I trust him with my life."

* * *

Merlin had enchanted himself invisible. Morgause had thrown a fire ball towards the two of them before Morgana waved it away. He ran around the white fold out chairs, grabbing a disoriented Uther.

"A-rth-ur," he mumbled.

He looked over and saw that Morgause had made another attack. He dropped the glamour and helped Uther out of his chair. Still under the potions effects, he had to carry him to the side of the building where he knew they had the car. Uther allowed Merlin to set him behind a rose bush. Morgana had conjured a shield to protect her from Morgause's advances. But Morgause was becoming bold and started to move towards Morgana. Uther grabbed his arm. His eyes looked over at Morgana.

She made flying birds attack Morgause and she was able to swiftly block Morgauses incoming spells. He saw her create bindings around Morgauses feet trapping her to the ground. Morgause went to destroy the earth with blasts of lightening. Another rough attack at Morgana. He saw the last of the suns rays shine itself on Morgana's face before it was gone. The Goddess might protect Morgana, but she was still too inexperienced to harness the true powers of the High Priestess. She was confident enough in her powers, and he was in awe of how quickly spells came to her. But Morgause was still gaining too much on Morgana.

"Wait here," Merlin said. The older man relaxed his grip.

The storm started to come in. He used the incoming rain to create a dense mist around Morgause.

"You fien!" she screeched.

Morgana raised her hands and chanted; the chairs started to bind themselves to Morgause. As the mist evaporated, they could see Morgause trapped in the chairs. He muttered a spell raising his hand out. The chairs turned into a marble binding. She screamed. Merlin ran over to Morgana, grabbing her wrist.

"We don't have much time, we have to go!" he shouted over the rain.

The thunder rang out. Morgana ran with him, his hand dropped into hers. Uther was still sitting by the roses.

"Let's get you home," Morgana said in a kind voice.

The two of them ran around the building to the car. Merlin kept looking back over his shoulder, afraid to see Morgause had gotten out of her bindings and was still in pursuit of them. Morgana sat in the back with her father. He sped out of the property, driving down the dirt road of countryside.

"Where should we go? His property? Yours?" he asked.

"What if we went to yours? Wouldn't you be able to research what's wrong with him there?" Morgana asked.

He sighed. He was half hoping she would say Uther's property. It would be easier to bring in Gaius for help that way without having everyone ontop of each other. Still, he probably knew more than his reincarnated uncle.

"Alright, we'll go to my flat," Merlin said.

"Thank you," Morgana responded.

"How is he back there?"

"He seems a little aware sometimes before he..."

"I'll try to undo her spell, I promise."

He kept glancing in the mirror to see Morgana and her father. They eventually made it back to his flat, and he carried more of Uther's weight on him. He didn't seem to mind being led up to the upstairs guest bedroom. Morgana sat next to him. The storm made its way over London. Merlin backed out of the room and went to his study. He pulled out a few medical books he'd picked up over the years, along with some grimoires. Whatever was affecting Uther's state of mind seemed too contradictory. Reluctantly, he called his uncle.

It had been a fluke accident. He'd gotten hit by a car and ended up in the hospital. His body had gone into a coma after being hit, although he had faced no physical damage surprisingly. Gaius had ended up being the primary physician working with Merlin. When Merlin woke up, he found himself faced with another reincarnation of his uncle. He quickly spouted off this to Gaius. And Gaius had found it odd, but didn't think Merlin was crazy. He welcomed the opportunity to be an uncle, as his family had been small and died out. When Merlin was released from the hospital, he went back to Avalon, getting it's sacred water to allow Gaius to remember his past life.

Even without his memories, Gaius still ended up being a renowned physician and expert herbalist (although he was skeptical of where to apply homeopathic therapies). The phone rang before he heard the line crinkle.

"Merlin! How are you? You haven't called in a while," Gaius said; Merlin could hear Gaius' smile.

"Gaius, um, well about that. See I met this... girl," Merlin trailed.

"Ah yes! The one with the cat. How is she?"

"Lovely, wonderful. But, see, oh I don't know how insane this will sound..."

"Merlin, you've told me already that you're an immortal sorcerer from the times of King Arthur and that I am a reincarnation of your uncle. What could you possibly tell me that would make me think you've gone mental?"

"The woman I've fallen in love with is Morgana and her father is Uther, and Morgause abducted Uther today. We were able to rescue him, but Morgause gave him some sort of potion, it has to be old, and I was wondering if you had any idea's about what it could possibly be. I'm an immortal, I get it, I should have something floating to the top of my head right now, but for the life of me Gaius it's like all knowledge has poofed!"

Silence.

"Gaius?" Merlin repeated.

"I heard you. I'm trying to process that," Gaius said. "You've honest to god found Morgana and fallen in love with her? And you have Uther with you?!"

"Gaius, she's different this time around. She's still good and I need to hold onto that. And Uther means a lot to her, even if their bond right now is... strange to explain, and I need to figure this out for her."

"... Do you have any readings of his vitals at all? Pupil dilation? Breathing? Anything?"

"Um um, eyes look massive, very submissive attitude if it can be called that. Breathing is steady, I need to do a quick vital check."

"Do that now and report back to me."

Merlin stood up, phone by his ear and walked out. Uther had been tucked into bed when he returned and Morgana still sat next to him. She looked at him puzzled when she noticed his presence with the phone. He stuck his hand out muttering a spell. A purple glow floated over Uther; it changed to an orangey-pink color around his head and his heart.

"Whatever she gave him is definitely affecting his brain and his heart," Merlin told Gaius.

"I would recommend a bezoar, perhaps liquified as that's usually good for all poisons. It's not surprising that Morgause would target those area's if she wanted him in a docile state. I can tell you a list of plants that could be affecting him, if we're going on the hypothesis that Morgause used an older draught on him."

He gave a pause gesture to Morgana and ran back into his office. He wrote down what Gaius mentioned, thanked him for his time, and hung up. Morgana walked in, leaning on the doorframe.

"I talked to Gaius, hopefully with his advise I can narrow down what Morgause used on your father," Merlin said.

"Thank you," she said, with a sad smile. "You found Gaius?"

"Again. He remembers. Well, he's known everything for a few years now."

"Does he know about me?"

"A little."

She looked around the room.

"Do you have anything I can borrow? Be nice if I could change out of this dress," Morgana said.

He noticed she was still wearing her dress from earlier and her hair was drying in tendrils. He grabbed her hand and led her into his room.

"Anything you want, free reign, and the shower is over there," he said. "But you um, probably already knew that."

She kissed his cheek and went over to his dresser. He poked his head in the guest bedroom. Uther had fallen asleep. Merlin remembered how only months ago, Morgana had been laying in the same bed. He heard the shower run off. Then he went back into his study, trying to break down what Morgause could have possibly used on Uther.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Sorry if this chapter is on the short side. I was just trying to write something to get the creativeness flowing again. I've been wanting to work Gaius into the story for a while now so I'm happy that's been accomplished and hopefully we'll be seeing more of him again later. I honestly have no idea how long this story will end up being but I do appreciate everyone that's been supportive of this story and left reviews so far. _

_I've finished my bachelors, been stuck at my parents since quarantine and trying to figure out when I'm leaving, got a cut on my middle finger and I'm pretty sure some of it bled onto my pillow, and trying to not overwhelm myself and failing terribly (but not as terribly as I could). I still have not made an actual Tik Tok video of which I am proud of myself for._

_Hopefully the next update doesn't take as long. Morgana's reaction to Uther's state is definitely going to be in it. And feel free to leave a review. x_


	9. Alls Well That Ends Well

_Alls Well That Ends Well_

It seemed that for every positive action made, a negative one had to occur as well. She'd freed herself from Morgause's firm, and she'd been able to get Arthur and Gwen safely to the airport. Uther's abduction, however, was an invasive dent. She didn't blame her father; if she allowed herself to think any more about it she would begin to blame herself, for not considering putting any sort of magical enchantment to defend him in her steed. She laid in Merlin's bed after getting out of her shower. Her hair was still slightly damp after she'd wrapped it in a plait. She'd have to get up in the morning to get more of Uther's things, her things, and Mordred. Morgause's words haunted her. What if she was making Merlin waste his time on an antidote and her father never recovered?

She reluctantly got off of the bed, found a larger shirt of Merlins and walked back to Uther's room. Her father still remained propped up on the bed with the lamp on. It was difficult changing him, but it was the best she could do for now. He looked at her as if he recognized her, but his mouth remained agape.

"I'll get your things tomorrow. I'm sorry you have to remain in those trousers," Morgana said, she sat on the bed next to him. "Merlin's going to look for a cure, to undo whatever Morgause did. He's a good man, a smart man, I'm sure we'll be able to undo it."

Still he stared at her.

"I'm going to help you go to bed now," she said. "Get you rested and all that."

He blinked. She threw the blankets back and she could feel him wanting to help her. With his head on the pillow and the comforter over him again, his eyes closed, drifting off into sleep. Morgana turned off the lamp and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. A trail of books floated their way into Merlin's study. She walked over, seeing Merlin fretting between different books.

"He said your brothers name earlier, bit choppy, but I'm sure that it's a good sign so I'm looking for anything that can work with that," Merlin said glancing up at her.

She walked closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Let's go to bed," Morgana said.

"I have to find this cure for your father," Merlin protested.

"He's safe, for now. That's what matters. And tomorrow we'll have to run errands."

He sighed, looking over his books. He called out a spell and the books organized themselves into piles. Morgana grinned as Merlin put his arm around her. She got under the covers of their bed as Merlin changed out of his attire into pajama's.

"So, tell me about these errands we'll do tomorrow," Merlin asked her as he got into bed.

"Well, I'll need to grab Mordred and some of my things from my flat," Morgana started. "I can do that with the tube, it's not very far. Although I will request that you drive me to the estate so I can grab Uther's things. He can't keep wearing the same trousers day by day while we figure it out. Ah, and we'll probably have to do a grocery run since I don't know how well he'll react to solid foods. Do you think Gaius or Gwaine could stay with him while we do that? I just don't want to leave him alone, for his own health and if Morgause tries to go after him again."

"I can definitely ask Gaius first."

"Good."

He pulled her into his arms so she was laying on his chest.

"You're brilliant, you know. Best quality you have," he said.

"I'm just... practical," Morgana responded, flushed.

"Don't sell yourself short."

She closed her eyes and allowed her shoulder's to relax in a sigh.

"Merlin," she asked.

"Yes love?" he said.

"Would you still love me if I became like my father? Not a reigning tyrant, but. Helpless. Old and helpless and not quite senile but..."

"I would. And I would watch after you until my last days, until your last days. Every day. And I would still love you because I knew you loved me. But I wouldn't think on it too hard, Morgana. Your father's been cursed against his will. And, if we're being completely honest. I don't think you're meant to necessarily grow old."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never seen you age very far in life. In any of your reincarnations. Hypothetically, because of our bond, I would guess that you're meant to become immortal like I am. I'm not sure when or how that would work. But I would think time was waiting for this. When everything started to fall into place for Arthur's revival. You're just as powerful as I am, I'd believe."

She pushed herself closer to him, and she felt him pull the blankets closer to them as well. He waved his hand and the lights in the room turned off, leaving the moonlight to grace them.

"I'm afraid of growing older," she admitted. "It's stupid and superficial. I'll be turning twenty nine next year, and then that's closer to thirty. And it's not that I've ever cared about other people's opinions... But soon enough I'll be out of my twenties and then it becomes retaining what I look like at twenty for the rest of my life and blasted for not retaining an unattainable ability. Because people don't care how successful how you are as a woman unless your pretty. Everything comes down to being pretty."

"You could become a troll for all I care and I would still love you for everything you are beyond your attractiveness," Merlin said.

The image of Uther in royal regalia with a troll as a wife crossed her mind from her past life. She laughed and felt her hand hammer on Merlin.

"You're awful!" she forced out laughing.

"I think I have a brilliant sense of humor," he beamed.

"Of course."

Her breathing evened out as the laughter left her. She propped herself on her elbow, looking at Merlin.

"I think you would look handsome with some silver in your hair," she mused.

"You want me to go grey!" he asked, almost horrified.

"Not total George Clooney. But, I don't know."

She rested her arm on his chest, and rested her head on it. He rubbed his hand over her hair.

"Maybe growing old wouldn't be that bad, not if it was with you," she said.

His hand cradled her face before bringing her closer to his. He kissed her deeply and she pulled herself to be closer to him. His lips were soft against hers, careful with her being.

"I'm sorry I've delayed our trip to Avalon," Morgana forced out, pulling away from his embrace and laying against his side once more.

"I don't care, Morgana. Your father is important to you, and Morgause cursed him. It's not your fault. I admire that you've been wanting to take care of him. Besides, Avalon's not going anywhere. I just thought it would be easier for you to train your abilities there, and with us delaying it, maybe we could even get Gwaine to come along," Merlin responded.

She smiled, nuzzling into him. Yes, yes this was the right choice. This man was her other half, if she ever needed one. Still, she did feel a tinge of guilt for delaying it. But he was right, it wasn't her fault Morgause had cursed him, and it would be irresponsible if she'd simply abandoned her father. Not when he had done her any major wrong in this life.

* * *

Her dreams were new. Fleeting. She was in a meadow with druids, but these looked different from the druids of her past life. There was a woman with deep skin and dreadlocked hair holding what looked like a baby, and it was smaller, although they looked more diverse, and there was an older man with painted markings on his face. And then she saw Arthur on a throne, a white cape and red formal wear, and Gwen was on a throne next to him in a white dress and large diamond tiara. Then she saw chaos manifested. It shifted too fast for her to process. People gathered in the streets, and gathered again in London, and it was everywhere and she saw people pushed back in the crowd from policemen. And there was darkness and smoke and fire. She felt her face scrunch being overwhelmed. The gas from the vision faded. There was a castle on a hill, old, but she knew at one point it held great power. And her vision jilted as she saw herself in front of a cottage, at least the exterior meant to mimic it. And she saw herself walk out of it with Merlin.

* * *

Morgana walked into her flat, greeted by a very annoyed Mordred. She closed the door sighing.

"I'm very sorry," she told him.

He walked off. She looked around the flat. For as long as she had lived it in it always looked too pristine too manufactured. It never really felt like a home. Originally they had planned to leave what would have been tomorrow for Avalon. She assumed that whenever Uther recovered they would leave. Initially she was going to keep having the rent pulled out while they were gone, but now it seemed moot. Morgana went into her room and grabbed her overnight duffel. More clothes went into the pack than usual, more sweaters as well. She looked in her closet for what shoes she might possibly need as well.

Then she packed a tote bag with Mordred's things, which mostly contained toys at this point. She huffed, knowing that Merlin kept a spare dish at his place since they visited often. It would've made more sense to keep more of her belongings at his place but it felt too personal. She put one of her candles in her duffel. The lights were off in the flat, everything was organized. Mordred slunk around on the table. She propped the tote open for him. He jumped in and she put the strap over her shoulder.

The tube seemed more quiet as she went into the city once more. Mordred stayed in the tote unnoticeable, although she was sure that nobody would mind him if they did see. There was always the occasional dog with an emotional support or service tag that never seemed quite trained. The robotic voice announced her stop and she lifted her duffel along with Mordred's tote.

Her phone beeped.

Merlin:  
_Just outside the station. I got Gwaine to watch your dad for us. _

A half smile formed on her face. She walked up the stairs and sure enough the familiar Lexus was parked front. Merlin stepped out of the car and helped her put the duffel in the car while she put Mordred in the back.

"So, the estate?" he asked once they got in the car.

"Uh huh," she responded. Somehow she couldn't find herself to say more words.

Space Oddity played on the radio.

They reached the manor. The door opened to her father's butler Bingley. He was an older man with a face resembling a basset hound and dark grey hair.

"Miss Morgana," he smiled.

"Hello Bingley, this is my friend Merlin," Morgana said.

"Ello," Merlin forced out.

"May I take your coats?" Bingley asked.

Morgana took off her shrug and Merlin waved off Bingley taking his bomber jacket. She stepped out of the foyer, trying to figure out what felt wrong with the house.

"No maids today?" she asked Bingley.

"It's just me today Miss," Bingley responded.

"Who was with my father yesterday?"

She felt Merlin burning holes in her.

"I made my usual rounds in the morning. Missus Porter was in the kitchens. Your father dismissed me at noon for the day. Then there was a maid who came to the door, Elaine, I believe her name was just as I was leaving and Sir assured me that Missus Clark had taken her on," Bingley said. "Is something wrong?"

"My father has taken ill, unfortunately. I was just wondering if anyone would have noticed anything odd yesterday," Morgana said. Not a complete lie. "He'll be staying with Merlin and I in the city. Merlin here is a practicing physician and probably has a better idea of what could be wrong with him."

Bingley looked appalled, and remorse filled his eyes.

"Is there anything I can do?" Bingley asked.

"We were planning on gathering some of his things just to make his stay a little more comforting," Morgana said.

"Of course, to his suite."

Bingley led the way to Uther's bedroom. Morgana felt a level of remorse for lying to Bingley, or hiding a significant portion of the truth. The man had been a constant presence in her childhood and always felt more like an uncle almost.

"Shall I grab his suite case or something more fitting for a carry on?" Bingley asked her.

"One of his smaller suitcases should do," Morgana said.

"I'll be right back with that for you."

He walked out of the room. The four poster bed was made up with the usual velvet red comforter and the red curtains were pulled away from the window. Merlin looked at her concerned.

"Bingley's been with my family for ages," she said. "Perhaps it was a good idea to take him to your flat. Wouldn't have wanted to weaken Bingley's poor heart."

He nodded in understanding.

"Now, we need to grab some of his jams, and then maybe one of his suits in case he wants to leave presentably."

Merlin dug around in the walk in closet for one of Uther's suits. Morgana grabbed various lounge style t-shirts Uther had, along with set pajama's Uther had. Merlin walked out with a dark brown suit of Uther's that had patches on the elbows.

"Is there a dress shirt that goes with this?" he asked.

"In the side dresser in there are some of his button ups. He'll want a white one and a red tie," Morgana said.

Bingley walked in with the suitcase and helped her pack away the clothes. He also packed in Uther's toiletry bag.

"Would he want his throw with him?" Bingley asked.

"Yes, yes I'm sure he would," Morgana forced out.

She adjusted the suitcase with the button up Merlin gave to her.

"And his slippers. The brown ones with wool on the inside," she told him.

The shoes went in. She closed the suitcase and zipped it up. Bingely gave her the throw blanket. It was half red velvet with a gold lion embroidered on it while its inside was made of wool. Bingley insisted on carrying the suitcase out when Merlin attempted. Merlin got in the car after Bingley loaded the suitcase.

"Is there anything else I can do Miss?" he asked her.

"Keep the house running for us please. And minimize the staff, just the ones that have been with us long term for now," Morgana instructed. "I'll make sure to give the house a call when he's ready to move about again."

"I'm sorry I couldn't have been there for him."

"Bingley, he trusts you. You've been a loyal member of the family. Do not blame yourself, please, for my sake at least."

"Very well Miss Morgana. Your friend, I can tell he's a good one."

She smiled and Bingley opened the door for her.

* * *

"How did everything go?" Merlin asked.

"Not bad, bit of a confuffle getting him to the bathroom but, nothing too bad mate," Gwaine said. He turned to her. "Sorry bout your dad, I'm glad I could be of help for what it's worth."

"Thank you, Gwaine," Morgana said with a forced smile.

"I've got to go, hot date tonight," he said.

"Of course you would," Morgana smirked.

"Most eligible bachelor in London here," Gwaine said offended.

"Have a good time," Merlin said.

Gwaine grabbed his jacket before walking out. Morgana reasoned that he truly did look identical to his previous incarnation now that she'd had more time with the man. An ache filled her heart knowing what she'd done to him in her past life... even if it didn't mean much now.

Merlin helped her change Uther. He muttered an incantation and a glow appeared over Uther.

"Whatever's in his system isn't destroying him, we have time to find a cure," Merlin said.

"Good, good whatever she's given him isn't lethal so far," Morgana repeated.

He put an arm around her and held her in a sort of side hug. Mordred jumped onto Uther's bed. He sniffed Uther's face who had no reaction as he'd had. Mordred pawed at his shoulder before Morgana swatted him away. He rolled himself in a ball at Uther's side.

"Weird, but at least he has company now," Morgana said.

Merlin pulled away from her, and she observed him going into his study. She looked at her father and Mordred, somewhat content by their state. It looked as though Gwaine had pulled open the curtains earlier. She went into the bedroom she shared with Merlin and pulled out her laptop. It was smaller than the one she'd been given by Morgause but she didn't want to risk Morgause having any modern spyware on her.

She started a face time with Gwen, hoping her friend would answer. It opened to what looked like Gwen in a gym studio, slightly flushed and sweaty.

"Morgana! How are you? What's going on?" Gwen asked.

"I'm... fine," Morgana forced out. "I've officially left Morgause's but my trip with Merlin to Avalon got delayed. But I'm sure we'll reschedule that when we get to that bridge."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that."

"Nevermind about me, how are you and Arthur? How's it been moving in? Is the new job up to your standards?"

"Oh I love it. I've even got a couple of parents requesting that I do more one on one sessions so I've been working that out with the studio. And Arthur's been stressed by the new job but he loves it, I know he does. And the house is splendid, Morgana!"

Morgana forced a smile. At least Gwen and Arthur were happy and safe. Gwen had her contemplative look on her face.

"Seriously, Morgana, what is going on? I don't mind that you're reaching out but something is bothering you, I can tell," Gwen stated firmly.

She bit her lip.

"Morgause poisoned Uther with something, and I didn't want to tell Arthur just because I didn't want him to worry. And whatever it is it's not something we can take to a regular doctor and... Merlin's trying to work on a cure or something and it just completely pushed our trip back. But I'd rather take care of him then leave him with Bingley when nobody knows what's actually affecting him. And then I want to kick myself because I'd really rather not look after him myself but who else would do it?" Morgana rambled.

"He'll recover, I'm sure he can. Some of my memories I guess have started coming back and making sense. I think I would trust Merlin on this, which is difficult for me to say but I know he cares about your family," Gwen said sympathetically.

"I know, I'm just..."

"You're strong, Morgana. I won't tell Arthur myself because I know that's information that's... I mean, I would but I won't because I respect how you want to go about it. But please tell him. But also don't let it weigh you down. Plenty of people support you and don't forget to take care of yourself too."

"Thank you, Gwen."

Gwen nodded.

"I have to go now but keep in touch," Gwen said.

"Will do, bye," Morgana said.

She felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Or at least ten kilos out of the world.

Merlin was visibly stressed as he sorted through his books again before she had to convince him to take another break. Uther appeared to be up when she went into his room in an attempt to feed him with apple sauce. It was mildly successful. She thought of the druids in her dream.

* * *

_Authors Notes: WOW this was a fast chapter to write! Not quite sure how long it'll take to get the next chapter up because of this quick turn around, but hoping you'll stay tuned. I actually surprised myself with this Uther's Semi-Comatose storyline and how that's turning out, and not quite sure how long I want it to go on and if it's gonna be resolved nicely or like fucking tragic. Some more cameo's and Morgana's perspective. Feel free to leave a review, and I'll never be able to stress enough how much I appreciate everyone that's left reviews so far. x_


	10. Come Back to Me With All Your Love

_Come Back to Me With All Your Love_

He had bought her Devizes castle as a wedding gift. Dark clouds loomed over the estate. Cenred was away in Spain for a business meeting, she had an itch that there was a mistress there too but bringing it up this early in their marriage would bring out a scandal. She was smart. She planned for the long term and Cenred would pay his dues. A sly smile made it's way onto her face. She sat in the throne room, or what she had made into her throne room. The trees casted shadows into the room. Devizes wasn't Camelot, but it was very much the Othrys to it's Olympus.

She lounged in her throne. This was hers, it belonged to nobody else.

The door opened.

Morgause sat up, seeing her uncle walk into the room.

"What did you do to my brother?" Agravaine demanded.

"Oh hush, Uncle. Just a little drowsing draught," Morgause sighed. "It won't kill him."

He avoided looking at her. His black hair looked greasier than normal and he wore a black suit. She rolled her eyes.

"Thank you for the castle, I've meant to say it in person as well," she said.

"Of course," Agravaine responded. "And how do you intend on getting Morgana to our side now?"

"I've been working on getting allies to support my claim in parliament, which hasn't been easy..."

"More brainwashing?"

"Perhaps. I've also been trying to recruit whatever druids and witches I can find. Most of them have pledged their loyalty to me as I've stated my claim as the Priestess of the Old Religion. The new age witches are barely tapping into their magic but it's energy that I need."

"That will come back to bite you when Morgana raises up as the High Priestess. Simply putting 'the' at the start won't do it forever, Morgause."

She sneered. They needed energy and followers before they needed Morgana. To simply storm Buckingham palace without her would be treason and the end of her reign.

"Uncle, I ask you to consider tagging Morgana," she said. "Emrys will take her to Avalon soon I'm sure."

"Why not tag Emrys? I'm sure he goes there more frequently than Morgana," Agravaine asked.

Since Agravaine had reached out to her years ago, he'd become a fatherly figure towards her. When he did ask questions it was usually to test her intellectual and strategizing abilities. He never did it without reason.

"Emrys will be able to feel something different on him. Morgana is less honed in her abilities," Morgause explained.

"Less honed in her abilities? She and Emrys, as I understand it, were powerful enough to take you out of battle together. And Morgana was quite powerful with what she could do," Agravaine challenged.

"Morgana is nothing without him! She will have to crawl back to me so I can train her once again! I cannot lose her to him! I cannot!"

In her fit of rage, the lighting fixtures of the room blew out. She held onto the handles of the throne as her eyes fixated on the floor. When she looked up she saw Agravaine afraid. An epiphany came to her.

* * *

Her hair was frizzing. No matter how many times she'd tried to brush her hair out after the way she did her braids it remained in more structured yet frizzy state. Two weeks had gone by since Uther became bedridden. Merlin was helping her out more with taking care of her father which she appreciated. Mordred, however, was becoming depressed the longer he stayed at Uther's side. She'd tried to pull him away but he always went back.

The door knocked. She pulled a headband over her head and ran to the door.

"Who is it, darling?" she heard Merlin shout.

A man with thinning grey hair and a mischievous eye stood at the door wearing a green cardigan and brown trousers.

"Gaius," the name left her lips.

"You must be Morgana," he smiled.

"Yes... yes, come in. I'm sure Merlin will be happy to see you."

She ran up the stairs before Gaius could say any more. Merlin looked up from his books.

"Gaius is here," she said.

He walked down the stairs with her. Gaius greeted him with a warm hug.

"Morgana, you should go and get ready," Merlin said.

She looked down at the oversized sweatshirt and jogger pants she wore.

"Merlin's asked me to watch your father for the evening so you two can get some air," Gaius said.

"Are you sure?" she forced out.

Merlin nodded.

Morgana went up the stairs, hearing the mutterings of Gaius and Merlin below her. She pulled out a pair of capri trousers and kitten heels, and struggled finding a decent top. She'd gone with a grey quarter length shirt that hung off her shoulder. To the bathroom she returned and put in a small side braid in her hair. Since living with Merlin she found it easier to be minimal. She brushed through her eyebrows and did a quick eye liner along with concealer. She found a small handbag of hers and threw in a tinted lip balm.

She took a breath in front of Uther's door. He laid there, unresponsive with his eyes opened. Mordred laid curled on his side. Her finger stroked his head. He'd grown so much in the past few months.

"I wish you laid on me like that again," she sighed.

He looked up at her. His eyes always seemed so expressive and the defeat in his eyes was unbearable.

"I don't... Merlin wanted us to get out of the house tonight. His uncle, Gaius, he's staying behind to watch out for you. You'll like him," Morgana said. She wasn't sure how much else she should reveal openly to him. "We'll be back tonight, promise."

She held onto the hand rail going downstairs. Merlin looked at her in awe and she felt blush rise to her cheeks.

"I... I guess I should um get ready as well," Merlin said. "Gaius, Morgana."

He went up the stairs.

"Would you like tea my dear? I was about to prepare a cup for myself," Gaius said. "Merlin will take some time."

"Thank you," Morgana said.

She walked with Gaius into the kitchen and watched as he prepared the tea.

"Thank you for watching my father again," Morgana said.

"No need to thank me," Gaius said.

"Merlin trusts you, immensely. I appreciate that you've been able to be there for him as well."

He nodded. He put the tea in front of her.

"And you know of Merlin's... abilities?" he asked.

"I do," Morgana responded. "It's... I appreciate him trusting me with it and... it just feels good to know at last."

"Your brother, he's in South Africa, I believe? How is he?"

"Arthur is good. I talked to my friend um Gwen, she went with him. Both of them are enjoying their time down there."

Merlin walked into the room with a grin and a jacket over his shirt.

"Ready to go my lady?" he asked.

"I already told you I'm not a lady," Morgana laughed. She turned to Gaius, "Thank you, again."

She took his arm and they walked down the streets.

"So where are we going?" she asked.

"Well, I considered dinner, but then I thought, why not try a movie?" Merlin said.

"You want to do a movie?"

"Why not? Let's think... what's playing in the cinema that's new?"

"Hmm honestly I can't think of anything. There might be something Marvel in there."

An idea occurred to her.

"You know, we probably should've looked at movie times before we left then. But I know just the theater," Morgana beamed.

She dragged him onto a bus that ended up taking them to the edge of London into a fairly unfavorable area. He allowed her to continue dragging him. The sign of the cinema lit up the darkly lit area.

"They just play old movies," Morgana said, holding tighter onto Merlin's arm with glee.

The woman in the booth had short blue hair and a bored expression that reminded her of Ramona Flowers. They looked at the queue.

"Alright they've got Psycho, The Bodyguard, Chinatown and Princess Diaries coming up," Merlin rambled. "The Princess Diaries is on the menu. For an old movie theater that's a strange film to put on it. Didn't it just come out what, eight years ago?"

"It came out in two thousand and one buddy," blue hair said. "That's like eighteen years ago."

"That's not possible that's not right..." Merlin said, visibly shaken.

"Do you want to see Princess Diaries?" Morgana asked him.

"Well, it does seem more favorable compared to Chinatown..." Merlin sighed.

"Two for Princess Diaries please," Morgana said.

With a sigh, the blue haired woman rang up the tickets and put them on the counter in the middle area. Merlin held the door open for her and she couldn't help but smile.

"Do you want popcorn or anything?" he asked.

"Um, we could do popcorn," Morgana responded.

She checked her phone. They still had a decent amount of time to get into the movie theater. An elderly lady broke their tickets before letting them pass. The concession stand was open. The auditorium was sparsely occupied. Morgana snugged herself in the hardened chair where the leather on the seat was littered with cracks; at least it was a seat in the middle. Merlin looked at the chair confused.

"Didn't all the movie theaters put in nicer reclining seats?" Merlin asked before sitting down with the popcorn.

"Oh a lot have. I'm sure the padding on these will be redone soon. But I love this theater," Morgana smiled. "Makes me feel like a kid again. You know, before everything got posh and luxurious and monopolized."

The trailers leaned towards what the theater would be showing the coming month. Morgana found herself resting her head on Merlin's shoulder early into the movie.

* * *

"So do you want to stop at a bar or something before we go back home?" he asked her.

"Do either of us really like bars that much?" she asked.

"Fair point."

They got off the bus. A chill air went through the street. Morgana spotted an ice cream shoppe that was still opened and started walking in it's direction with Merlin. The couple in front of them had a young girl with them who had long curly blonde hair and wore a light purple dress and jean jacket. She held Merlin's hand just a little tighter. Her vision had shown them happy at a cottage. It didn't appear as if they'd had children. Her heart ached to have at least one with Merlin.

"Darling," he said.

"Sorry," she said, breaking out of her thoughts.

"What flavour did you want?"

"Oh, just a mint chip in a cup."

Merlin started talking again to the server. She drifted back into herself. She walked with Merlin down the station and watched as he paid for the ice cream.

"Let's sit on the patio," he said.

"Alright," Morgana said.

The street lights were soft and people still walked around in groups and loud.

"You really went with mint ice cream?" Merlin asked her.

"It's my favorite," Morgana said. He held a repulsed expression. "What is wrong with mint chip ice cream?"

"It's an abomination."

She rolled her eyes. And she purposefully looked at him as she brought the spoon to her mouth, holding his gaze as she ate the ice cream.

"Thank you, for tonight," she said after a while.

"You're welcome," he said.

They threw away their trash and he put his arm around Morgana as they made their way to the transfer bus that would take them home.

She felt her shoulders sigh in relief once they walked into the flat. Gaius was reading over a few of Merlin's books in the sitting room; he looked up seeing htem walk in.

"Hello Gaius," Morgana forced out. She felt her throat drying out tired.

"Hello," he said. "How was your night?"

"Wonderful," Morgana smiled.

"Why don't you get ready for bed dear? You're exhausted," Merlin suggested.

She looked up at him, confused as to how he appeared to be so alert. Especially at this hour. He looked at her concerned. He always seemed to be this way so she let the thought go.

"I'll meet you upstairs," she said.

Her hand dropped from his.

* * *

Merlin walked closer to Gaius, seeing Morgana already go up the stairs.

"How was he?" Merlin asked.

"A fairly stable condition, wasn't anything I couldn't handle," Gaius said. "This tome, it seems very dated."

He looked at the book Gaius was referring to.

"I believe that was nineteenth century," Merlin said.

Gaius' eyes bulged.

"In this condition?" Gaius asked.

"Magical protection and the lot," Merlin shrugged.

"Merlin."

"Yes, uncle?"

"I remembered the year after Morgana's absence in Camelot more fluidly while being here. Uther's behavior, Merlin, I think parallel's his state after Morgana's departure. Of course, he appears to be more trapped in his mind."

"He says Arthur's name. Most of the time. If he says anything at all."

"Curious, curious. You need a better collection, Merlin."

"These are antique books! Lost to the ages! Famed in their day! Good references on the occasion!"

He felt as though his uncle was looking at him in that distain and fucking tired look he had on the occasion, although he wondered if it was just the shape of Gaius' brows. And then Gaius waved him closer.

"Merlin, do not tell Morgana I said this, but I do not believe that you should heal Uther," Gaius said. "I fear that if he should ever wake then it will spell trouble for the second rise of Camelot. Especially Morgana. She has such a bright glowing spirit that should he wake I fear that she will begin to loose that goodness that Camelot will need."

"I feel as though you've given me similar advice before," Merlin mused.

"Perhaps. Perhaps a few times in my past life."

"I can't. Maybe it will spell doom for Camelot once again. Only Uther is Morgana's family. She's been fighting day and night to keep him stable and healthy while he's like this. I cannot fail her. I have to trust that she's strong enough to keep that light in her. I believe in her."

Gaius sighed, nodding his head in defeat.

"I must be on my way now, Merlin," Gaius said. "I have to be at work in the morning."

"Oh, oh yes of course," Merlin said. "Good night and drive safe back home."

"Will do, Merlin."

He watched his uncle walk out the door and sat on the couch where Gaius had been moments earlier. He remembered the time that Morgana had beat him to defending Uther when it came to the assassin that she'd accidentally set upon her father in his early age. Of course her rage against Uther was beginning to manifest but the goodness in her still prevailed. And he had to hope that the goodness in her now would be enough.

* * *

The eggs sizzled in the pan. Morgana heaved a sigh. She heard Merlin move her father to the bathroom upstairs. Gwen called every so often. And she told Arthur that Uther had fallen ill but she was taking care of him, nothing life threatening. He'd thrown a tantrum at first before cooling down and appreciating that she was putting in effort to keep their father stable. Her phone rang.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hello Morgana," Agravaine said. "How are you lately? Arthur's told me that Uther's fallen ill."

"Um, yes he has. But we're working with two physicians to keep him stable and I'm usually taking care of him."

"Ah well that's good. Dutiful daughter as always."

"Uh huh."

"Well, you've been couped up for a while. How about a lunch tomorrow?"

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I'll message you the details."

The line hung up. She looked at her phone in contemplation. As a child, Agravaine had been her favorite uncle. Now she had a nauseating feeling in the pit of her stomach; nothing radically large just a turn.

And the day seemed to go on fairly routine after that. She helped Merlin look over books but at best she just picked up anything that could help her as a sorceress which was progress in an unneeded way for the moment.

Arthur requested a face time call and Morgana relented.

"Hello Arthur," she said.

"Morgana," he said. "So how are you? How's dad?" he asked.

"I'm... fine. Dad's in a stable condition right now."

"Have you and big ears figured out what he has? Why haven't you taken him to a real hospital yet?"

"Arthur. His name is Merlin. Got it? And trust us, a 'real doctor' would have less of a clue than us. For now, all we can do is hope that he remains stable. That's the best situation we can have for the moment."

"Alright, alright. Sorry, I just, I get concerned."

"I know."

"Anyway, I thought I would tell you. It is very very weird being in South Africa."

"Is your boss giving you a hard time?"

"Not really. He's great actually. No, it's the people in the city. It's like, I get apartheid was hard on these people but I honest to god feel like I'm treated like a second class citizen. If I'm with Gwen it's not as bad. But they just look at you so funny and they seem to just hate white people."

A fury rose up in her.

"Do you know how dense you sound right now?" she snapped. "Think about what Gwen has to endure here. But that's not even a fair analogy. Both of us grew up entitled but god do you _reek_ of it Artie! Maybe it's not 'fair' but that's ridiculous bloody ridiculous. If I were in your shoes I would drop the entitlement, the arrogance that you have. You're a good person, Arthur. But you should consider the conditions the people there have been through and how they've reacted or. That is such a rich history that you should study. Not as a scholar as a person. I don't think you can change everyone's attitude to fit some perfect utopia that serves you, but you can at least show the effort to want to understand them."

"Always the diplomat," Arthur said. She felt her nose scrunch at this dismissive attitude he seemed to have.

"Arthur, learn something from this. Ask Gwen questions. I'm sure this is just a small stepping stone to whatever greater responsibilities you'll have in the future."

"You think i'll have greater responsibility?"

"You need to be ready for the future. All I'm saying."

He looked as though he contemplated it.

"Alright. Well, should get going now. Gwen's bothering me to read some novel with her before bed," he said.

"Have fun with that," she smiled.

They mock saluted each other before cutting off.

She changed into a loose tank top and shorts that were printed with dragons before getting into bed. It was late when Merlin came in the room.

"You're still awake?" he asked.

She held up her phone that had been in her hand.

"News and the like," she said.

"You should've gone to bed ages ago," he said.

"So should you."

"I'm immortal, we've been over this."

"Still doesn't mean you should be reckless about it. Even when it comes to a good sleep schedule."

He kissed her cheek and nuzzled her neck. She traced his jawline for a while before kissing him. Slow is how he wanted to take it. She felt the hunger rising in her soul and the lust in her body. She tried to comply with Merlin's gentleness. But she was a dragon, and dragons took. He allowed himself to take advantage of her openness. Her top flew off her body across the room and she itched at the ends of Merlin's shirt before he threw it off. Every inch of him was hers tonight. The bed sheets pushed to the end of the bed as the lost direction.

* * *

Merlin had been reluctant to let her leave to Agravaine's lunch meeting by herself. She assured him it was fine and messaged over the details Agravaine had sent over to her. It was a public place and as far as she knew, her uncle was not his past life. He'd been disappointed when she said that Agravaine was having his car pick her up. She walked down the stairs trying to put her pearl earring in. The sound of a bird came from the kitchen. She saw Merlin with a large hawk.

"What is that thing!" she shouted.

"It's nothing, he's friendly," Merlin said. He did a once over on the bird. "Well, at the moment he is."

"Well get it out of the house. It's still a hawk."

She saw him remove something from the bird. Her phone beeped.

Uncle:  
_Driver's been waiting outside. _

"I'll message you when I'm on my way back," Morgana called as she went to the door.

It was a cafe below a hotel and they seemed prepared for Morgana's arrival. She caught sight of her reflection in the glass. Her curly hair had been pulled into a low bun and a white scarf headband was in her hair. The white dress was summery and flowing around her knees.

"I've already ordered our lunch," Agravaine said.

"Oh," Morgana said.

He snapped at the nearby waiter. A moment later, the waiter came back with two drinks.

Her uncle, as she remembered, always seemed to ask too many questions. She answered as half truthfully as she could, or left it at simple answers. The food came out and she felt nauseous half way through it. Her head was swimming but she forced herself to not throw it back up. She kept a pleasant smile through the ordeal.

"I also decided to bring you a gift Morgana," Agravaine said.

Another snap and the waiter came over with a small red bag. Her eyes went wide.

"Open it," he said with a smile.

Reluctantly she opened it. She would've opened her mouth to protest but found she couldn't. Inside the bag was a small black box. The lid snapped open to reveal a broach. It was modestly sized, a deep ruby gem sat in a gold frame that had pearls on the top and bottom.

"Oh uncle," she forced out.

"Found it in Spain this summer," he said. "It's yours."

"Thank you."

She closed the jewelry box and put in her bag. The waiter came by and picked up the gift bag. And she found herself tripping over herself more before Agravaine helped her into the car once again. She resisted the urge to fall asleep or throw up. She messaged Merlin that she was on her way home.

/

She laid on the couch for the rest of the day. The nausea came and went but it was insufferable. She'd thrown her purse in the closet and changed back into lounge wear, throwing the fine clothes in the hamper. It got late and she fell in and out of sleep, although she was acutely aware of her surroundings as she slept. It was getting dark when she seemed more conscious again. Merlin came down the stairs, putting his coat on.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

He turned around to face her. Almost surprised that she was awake.

"I have to do something, love," Merlin said.

Merlin looked between the door and her. He walked over and he kissed her. Lightly. Then all over her face, down her neck, before lingering on her lips.

"You have me scared now," she said.

"I'll be back," he said. "No need to get scared."

She caressed the side of his face. She wanted to voice her suspicions that she could be pregnant. Or at least wanted a child.

"Come back to me," she said with a forced smile.

He kissed her forehead and threw a blanket over her. She watched as he walked out the door.

* * *

Morgause rolled her eyes. Meetings with this particular group of druids had been exhausting. She tapped into the memories of her past life. The druids back then never seemed to take this much effort. She'd forced smiles and pleasantries. After all, she had to make herself an appealing ruler before she indulged herself. They closed up about a druid named Arthur Pendragon after one of their younger members let it slip. She'd forced herself to calm down and acted as if nothing was wrong. That nothing had happened. She looked over the story they had shown her.

"So the Queen is distraught that her lover lost his memory and killed herself in grief? Pathetic," she sighed. "A powerful woman like that should never have fallen."

* * *

_Authors Notes: More interactions with Morgause and Agravaine this chapter... yikes! Gaius also made another appearance and was very Gaius. I did also want to give Morgana and Merlin at least somewhat of a break. Just the pulls from the news and some dreams; I have no idea how this chapter ended up being so long but I think I enjoyed it. Thoughts?_

_I finished this chapter during a bout of sleep deprivation at like four am? And you know what, I did try to go to bed early. _


	11. Long Days

_Authors Notes: I feel that I should state that my primary "rule" for this story is that is has to have a happy ending. The endgame is happy. I just wanted to say that because of our recent reviewer Annoymous (you're so sweet!). Anyway, how it gets there is still fair game. _

* * *

_Long Days_

It had been sunlight that woke her up. A deep sigh escaped her and her chest constricted on itself. She put a hand over her heart, reaching for her pendant. Her eyes opened to see daylight filtering through the window. An orangey red glow bathed the room. Then she remembered Merlin and ran up the stairs. She opened the bedroom door, desperate to see him again.

There was nothing.

The bed was still perfectly made. Not slept in. The bathroom door was ajar but unoccupied. The light was still off. She reached for the pendant again. He was still gone. She grabbed her phone. No messages. Her eyes started welling up. Morgana shook her head. No, she was stronger than this. She didn't need to cry because Merlin was missing. Not technically missing, he'd told her he was going out, only he hadn't told her where he was going. But why should she need to be clingy and desperate to know where he was?

Beyond the two of them knowing that Morgause would target them.

Morgana took a breath. She had to do the next right thing without him. She opened the door to her father's room. Mordred jumped down from the bed and pawed at her. She carried him with her downstairs and set him on a stool before refilling his dish. With him occupied she went back upstairs. Uther awoke. She helped him into the bathroom. A tiresome job. Somedays he was more mobile than others. This was one of those better days. Then she helped him back into bed and leveled him. Mordred jumped on the bed again.

She started making breakfast for Uther, and considered making herself some eggs as well before deciding against it. Her stomach felt ill at the thought of breakfast food.

Merlin's books seemed to be a futile effort in finding a cure. Morgana read over a journal Merlin had about witches and witch leaders; these seemed to be more biographically based than providing more research. She huffed and sat down in Merlin's chair. The clock read ten. Researching was proving to be a dead avenue. She started cleaning the house falling into a methodical rhythm.

Then she heard the door open. She looked over and saw Merlin walk in. Morgana scrambled to run to him, and he nearly lost his balance as she tackled him in a hug.

"Where did you go?" she demanded. "Don't ever leave me again like that!"

But she couldn't be mad at him forever.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," came out of her mouth.

"It's fine, love," he said. He stroked her hair. "I just got a tip from a friend on something that could help us."

She pulled away from him skeptical. Her mind wandered to Freya before abandoning it. She'd drive herself paranoid if she thought any more about something that wasn't there. He closed the door and brought something forth out of his bag.

"It's a book on meditation," he said.

"Meditation?" she asked.

"Well I asked Gwen how you healed me, and she said it looked as though you were meditating or praying. And I figured we should try to use that sort of logic to see if it'll heal your dad."

"You just now realized that could be a solution?"

He shrugged.

"So the book..." she trailed.

"Is meant to guide you on meditation. Try it out for a few days and see if we have any results from it," Merlin said.

"I'll try it if you believe this will work."

Merlin kissed the top of her head. He put his jacket on the coat rack.

"Has your father had lunch yet?" he asked.

"Erm, no. Not yet," Morgana admitted.

"I'll take care of that, of him. I need you to focus on the meditating."

She cleared a space in the sitting room and sat on the floor with the book. It proved difficult to read only in the sense that her mind wouldn't shut up. At least one page she had to read over five times since she couldn't make out the words properly. She tried to do the breathing exercises while continuing to read. Then she put the book next to her and tried to meditate like it had advised.

A vision came to her first. A large shadow made its way over London and she could see the buildings under her. Fire spurned everywhere. She scrunched her eyes. No, she had to focus on healing her father.

She wasn't sure what made the Triple Goddess assist her. And it came to her. _Maiden, Mother, Crone._ And she focused on healing her father and reaching out to the Goddess. It felt like eternity had passed as she repeated this cycle. For a moment she opened her eyes and saw that it had gotten dark. Merlin walked down the stairs.

"Do you want me to fix you something to eat?" he asked her.

"No, no I think I'm making progress," she said.

Her stomach truthfully was growling. No, she had to continue this path. And she continued to meditate through the night. Sometimes she could hear the footsteps of Merlin, and sometimes her father with him. And then the sound of an owl made its noise apparent to her.

Morgana blinked her eyes open. Daylight hadn't yet come through. It seemed to be a deep blue light warmer than before the sunrise. She wasn't sitting up anymore and found that her legs were straight together, and her arms were open. Mordred pattered his way to her. She looked over at him.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice dry.

He urged her to follow him. Morgana found her body seemed to roll as she got up. She pushed the door open to Uther's room. He looked up at her.

"Morgana, what am I doing here?" he asked.

* * *

She struggled trying to figure out what to say to him. He looked quizzically at Mordred who sat at the edge of the bed staring at Uther.

"You fell ill, and my... friend, Merlin, took it upon himself to take care of you," Morgana said.

"That's... very odd," he said.

"What do you remember?"

"I woke up, Bingley helped me get ready for the day. I had a breakfast. Arthur and Gwen called me to say good bye and that they were getting on their flight... then I was in my office to gather my things for a meeting. There was a... there was a maid, I can't remember her name but she brought in a woman..."

He stared ahead blankly.

"It starts... blurring..." he muttered.

"That was a month ago," Morgana said.

"You're joking. You must be joking my dear Morgana."

She shook her head no. Uther's face fell.

"Is Arthur okay?" he asked.

"Yes, yes he's very happy with Gwen," she said.

Reality seemed to come to Uther faster.

"Is it possible for me to get a change of attire?" he asked.

She went into the closet and grabbed him a set of his clothing. Morgana gestured for Mordred to follow her out the door. The door to her bedroom was closed. She rapped against it before opening the door. A lump was on the bed. Her legs were behind her as she sat on the bed.

"Merlin, my father's awake," she said, nudging his body.

He rolled over and rubbed his eyes.

"Morgana?" he muttered.

She kissed his forehead.

"We did it," she said.

He blinked his eyes open, and got up and pulled on the drapes. Then he hugged her.

"You did it," he said.

She pulled away, kissing his cheek. They walked out to see Uther standing in the hallway wearing his robe over himself.

"Where are we?" he asked looking at Morgana.

"London," Morgana responded.

"Ah."

Merlin side stepped them going downstairs.

Uther was utterly famished once breakfast had been put out. Morgana looked over anxiously at Merlin. Her father remembered little of his time in Merlin's flat, and she was just waiting on the other shoe to drop, that Uther would lash out against her and Merlin by extension.

"Merlin isn't it?" Uther inquired. Merlin nodded.

"Yes, sir," he said.

"How did you come by being a physician? I believed you were just in the..." Uther looked around observing the littering of books in the flat. "Librarian business."

"His uncle is," Morgana interrupted. "Merlin, of course, gained some background from that. But his uncle was also stopping by."

"I see," Uther mused.

The remainder of breakfast went in silence.

"Morgana, dear, can you please phone Bingley to pick me up? I'll be getting ready for the day," Uther said.

"Of course," Morgana responded.

"Thank you for the breakfast, Merlin," he said.

It would take Bingley a little over an hour to make the drive. Morgana paced in the kitchen with Merlin refilling her cup with coffee every once in a while. She heard the shower upstairs turn off.

"Do you think I should tell him? About the trip?" she asked.

"I think you should probably tell Arthur your father woke up first," Merlin responded.

"Well, well, well _yes_. Yes I should. But this trip... I mean, this is the first trip we'll be taking together."

He carefully pulled the coffee out of her hands. That had been too many cups after the one at breakfast. He placed it in the sink before putting a hand on her shoulder in a gentle manner.

"If you want to tell him, you can. I'm sure he would appreciate it," he said.

Her shoulders were too tense to relax into his hand the way she wanted to. Footsteps came down the stairs. Uther had put on a suit along with his glasses.

"You have a number of books here, Merlin," Uther stated. "Do you have any particular specialties?"

"Different religious texts, and some strange ones I've picked up along the way," Merlin responded. "I have a few copies of Hemingway signed among other authors."

Uther looked impressed. His phone beeped.

"Ah, Bingley is about fifteen minutes out," he said.

"Merlin and I were planning on taking a trip to his family house this month in um..." Morgana blurted out.

"Shropshire" Merlin finished.

The seven stages of grief flashed upon Uther's face.

"Alright then dear," Uther said.

He seemed to struggle with his suitcase before Merlin altered the handle rod. Morgana walked to the door with Uther.

"Do you... remember anything else about the woman that showed up before you fell ill?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't, Morgana," he sighed. "Take care of yourself. I expect to have an increase in messages after this."

She opened the door for him and saw Bingley out front with the car. Uther waited patiently for Bingley to open the door before getting into the car, and Bingley moved his luggage into the trunk. She waved good bye and closed the door behind her.

Why had he lied to her? He must've known it was Morgause that had attacked him, known that Morgause was his daughter, and he didn't tell her any of it!

Morgana felt a hand on her wrist. She looked up to see Merlin.

"It'll be okay," he said simply.

* * *

Arthur and Gwen had been relieved that Uther had been able to recover. They'd been able to go out a few times since Uther's departure which felt like a relief to Morgana. They decided they would leave at the end of the month for Avalon. Mordred was coming along too, of course.

She'd gotten up early for a hair appointment. Merlin had been half asleep offering to drive her before she refused and insisted on taking the tube. And of course her stylist had pestered her for information on her new boyfriend (which felt odd since she and Merlin had never really discussed what their relationship was but it was powerful by definition) which led to Morgana giggling as she word vomited every quirky and adorable thing Merlin had ever done that came to mind. Then she had to explain the haircut was for a trip she was taking for him, as simply being in a relationship was less of a motive to come in. Just as she was finishing up it started to rain. Nearly a canister of hairspray doused her new ringlets. The rain presented a challenge she was willing to take. She thanked the new front desk girl and grabbed her umbrella as she started out the door.

It was a light rain and it didn't seem to bother her much. Merlin had never really taught her any spells or tricks to help on an aesthetic appearance, and she thought about how she wanted her hair to remain intact. The image of a bubble around her hair formed in her mind. She'd gone down a few blocks, nearly to the tube, before the rain started pouring down harder. She lifted her free arm to shield her eyes. And then a shimmer appeared in front of her. Morgana blinked, sure that she was too close to the street, the wrong side of a street that it had to be a car, before the shimmer settled. Morgause stood in front of her. Only her blonde hair was perfect and her feet were just barely a few millimeters off the ground. Morgana was stunned.

"You've been distant lately," Morgause smiled.

"What do you want?" Morgana snapped.

"Oh, settle down. I just want you back on my team. Remember how it was supposed to be you and me? It's always been you and me together in the legends."

"It's not going to be like that, Morgause."

"When have I ever led you wrong, Morgana? You asked for advice, I gave it, and it always worked out in your favor. I've kept you from bad decisions that could've ruined your career. Why did you stop listening to me now?"

The malice was ripe in Morgause's tone. Morgana held onto her umbrella tighter and dropped her arm.

"Because I found love. I found Merlin. And we'll stop you together," Morgana said confidently.

"Do you really believe that?" Morgause laughed. "Do you really believe he loves _you_? Are you sure he isn't just in love with_ the idea_ of you? Or is it that, maybe, you're an easy thing to fill a void. He's not like us. He's been alive for a thousand years, and he's still the same man. He's the same man that fully remembers the Lady Morgana. You don't think he's still in love with you and hoping that you can fill that void that she left?"

It felt like a punch to the gut.

"Oh my, I've hit a trigger haven't I?" Morgause mused.

"You're wrong, he loves _me,_" Morgana protested, she refused the acknowledge the tears wanting to free themselves.

"Have you even ever contemplated why he loves you? What he see's in you beyond your reincarnation and your magic? Why would he ever love someone like you?"

Morgana screamed and ran through the projection of Morgause. She turned around. The image of Morgause had vanished. Her feet were still thumping against the ground and she ran to the tube, carefully navigating where her foot would land.

The station was relatively empty at this stop. She got into a car and looked at the window across from her. Her hair still looked the same as it had the moment she finished at the salon. She noticed her throat was tight and her breath was heaving.

Morgana:  
_Can you please pick me up from the station?_

Merlin:  
_Np_

Merlin (2):  
_Did I do that right?_

She forced a half smile before turning her phone off and trying to wait for the next stop.

"Your hair looks nice," he forced out once she sat in the car.

"Thanks," she smiled.

He looked at her oddly before pulling out of the lot.

Mordred seemed to purposefully ignore Merlin when they got home. She sat in the kitchen with her laptop browsing between titles on streaming and rental services for most of the remaining afternoon. Packing seemed to be draining as of late, and her eyes were burning from reading through various grimore's trying to practice new magics on her own.

Then she saw Merlin walk down, wearing a short sleeved button up with a jacket in his hand. She looked over at him.

"Did I miss something?" she asked. It wasn't out of malice intent, she swore to herself, it just seemed uncharacteristically odd for him.

"Oh, um, Gwaine wanted to get drinks tonight," Merlin said, walking over. Her eyes seemed to focus on the newer muscle on his arms. "I told him we were leaving for an extended trip and then word got around and he invited his friends I get along with, and Freya, and some of my other colleagues."

"Should I get ready then? Or are you just..."

"It's people you don't really know and honestly, Gwaine's friends are prats. You wouldn't like them anyway. It's mostly the guys or guys night."

"So you're going even though it'll be mostly people you don't really like."

"I know them, and I know that it would mean a lot to Gwaine. You're not getting mad that I'm going out without you, right?"

_Wasn't Morgause right?_

She resisted the urge to give him a tick that would signal that she was not the very cool girlfriend she was. Yes it did bother her that he was going out and telling her at the last minute so she wouldn't have a good excuse to talk to him about it much less protest. Yes it did bother her that even though she knew that Freya was going despite the claims that it was mostly the guys. Yes it did bother her that he insisted on her staying away from this group of friends.

He stepped closer to her almost cautiously.

"I was just you know we could have an in house date night, it's Friday," Morgana said. Maybe she sounded more pathetic than she wanted, but the alternative was sounding as bitter as she was.

"My god, Morgana. I've spent weeks together with you, and staying in and I don't want to spend the rest of my life attached at the hip to you forced to watch movies back to back on your laptop. Does it really bother you that much that I have friends that care about me?" Merlin asked.

She really hadn't expected Morgause's words to come back to bite her this viciously. It seemed to be a full one eighty from the Merlin she knew. But did she really know him at all?

The shock on her face must have been visible because he knelt down in front of her. He held her hand, although it was limp in his.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," he apologized. "I just want to get out with some friends before we go. And you'll have me all to yourself in Avalon for months, however long you want to stay out there. And tomorrow we can watch or do whatever you want for a date night. Hell, I'll even cook whatever you want for dinner! Just please don't be mad at me."

If his words hadn't stung the way they had, she would've leaned over and kissed his cheek. She refused her body this action.

"I'm holding you to that," she smirked. "But I'm really not mad at you, really. Go and have fun."

"You're the bloody best Morgana," he smiled.

He kissed her forehead and ran out the door. A sneer formed on her face. He really expected her to just be his willing puppet, didn't he? And part of her was afraid for Arthur. Her Arthur, who was always willing to defend her, who had fallen in love with her best friend, who had never had the weight of the world on his shoulders, didn't deserve to be guilted by memories of a past life that he didn't need. And she worried that Merlin would use Arthur the way he was tempering her. Mordred jumped on the table.

"Merlin would be very cross with you right now," she told him.

"Mewow," Mordred responded.

"You're right, he's not here and he's been an arse."

Mordred slunk into a bread shape.

"Do you think Morgause is right? Did I make a mistake trusting him?" she asked him.

He blinked. She rolled her eyes, and stood up. He tried to follow her out the door before she shooed him back in. There was a liquor store down the street that she was aware of. Morgana browsed before settling on a red, two roses, and a pink moscato she wasn't entirely familiar with. The clerk was a hyperactive French man and she wondered what could've possibly made him that energetic.

She sat in bed with Mordred with a glass of wine and the laptop in front of her. She'd looked up for a moment and grimaced. It seemed fairly unreasonable that Merlin didn't have a television and had a sort of blase attitude towards the possibility. Morgana looked through the list of movies she had complied earlier settling on the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Daisy grew resentful of Benjamin. She poured herself a generous glass, sympathetic towards the woman. It didn't take her long to finish the rose and then the moscato. It was growing later, Merlin still hadn't come home. She threw on another movie and started her red.

It felt like she was swimming but not drunk. And there seemed to be a haunting feeling that came like a siren call. Cautiously, she stood up and held onto the wall. She'd found herself drawn to the study and looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. Until she spotted a peculiar standing of books and moved some over before finding a box. It was addressed to her. Inside was a black orb. It was addressed to her, how dare Merlin keep it from her! Mordred jumped on the new stack of books she had created. Nobody knew where she was which seemed to be a bit peculiar. But her curiosity got the better of her and she pulled the orb out and set it on the desk. Her head titled, trying to figure out what it did. Morgana sat in the chair looking at it. Arthur would probably make a Lord of the Rings reference to it, and Gwen would say that a crystal ball should be clear.

Then it seemed to glow. She leaned towards it; an image formed of Merlin in a bar, and she saw Gwaine's face become a focus before it circled back to the group. And she saw something move towards Merlin and the orb focused on him again. Freya wore a dark red blazer and what looked like a sad excuse for hot pants. Her hair had grown longer and was more wavy, it seemed brighter as well. She was leaning dangerously close to Merlin, pawing at his chest and laughing. He seemed to be laughing along now as well. And she saw the beer in Freya's hand as she urged Merlin to dance with her which looked more like swaying and she...

Morgana threw the orb across the room. The light went out and she saw a crack form where she had struck it. She went downstairs where she had left her red and filled another glass. This wasn't happening, this wasn't real. But Merlin looked the same as when he had left and the orb didn't seem like it would intentionally lie. Her vision was becoming too wavy where she relented and filled a glass with water before resuming the rest of her wine.

Her hand gripped tight on the rail of the stairs. She was too tired to truly let that kind of jealousy over take her. Carefully she placed the empty bottles back into the brown paper bag and moved it into a corner. Then she put her laptop away, anxious that it would fall out of her hands. Mordred sat on Merlin's pillow. He wanted to go out, fine. She could still be petty. Morgana switched the handle to lock and turned off the lights. She collapsed onto the bed, only hoping that the morning would be better.

* * *

_Authors Notes: I'm so glad you guys liked the Uther arc and that made faster uploads really worth it to me to post. I struggled for a while trying to figure out how to wrap it up for the current period, but yeah that's definitely something that'll have an impact beyond this. I've been contemplating shoe strings so I think I have a better clue to how this is going to progress but still looking at shoe strings. Morgause's appearance and attempting to manipulate Morgana, big yikes. I hope this chapter was up to standard and you guys enjoyed it. _

_I've just gotten back home from my parents. In that duration I binged out LOTR and the Hobbit, and I really hate the last Hobbit movie. I enjoyed it but I'm still mad at it. _


	12. Can You Ever Forgive Me

_Can You Ever Forgive Me_

One of her visions from her past life resurfaces. She knows the body is younger of the Lady Morgana compared to herself now. The sound of chaos within the city limits is audible from within the castle. It's one of the first times that the Lady Morgana sheds her usual vibrant colors of court to a dark hue. Uther remains alone in the throne room and is surprised that she's made it past his guards. And from the shadows emerges Morgause. Morgause has long wavy dark blonde hair and her eyes are sunken in and grey.

"Morgana, get away from her! She's a demon!" Uther shouts. He stood up, ready to draw his sword to protect the Lady Morgana.

Morgause coyly laughs as she wraps her arms around the Lady Morgana lovingly.

"She's my sister," Morgana smiled cheekily.

The sword thuds against the floor. Morgause releases her hold of the Lady Morgana and steps closer to Uther with a bit of swagger in her step.

"Now hand over the crown," Morgause said. "The daughter of Vivianne deserves it."

"Vivianne's daughter... yes that makes sense," Uther muses darkly. "But that does not mean you have a claim on the throne!"

"I do," Morgana said softly.

The two of them look at her. The realization is settling in Uther's mind.

"Morgana, please, I beg of you," Uther pleaded.

Morgana's eyes glowed and she waved her hand. Uther's body was flung against a pillar and he collapsed releasing a groan. She walked towards him as if she was swimming. The Lady Morgana crouched in front of him, resting her elbow on her knee. He looked at her in horror.

"If she's a demon, so am I," she said coldly.

"You must realize Arthur is your brother, please," he continued. "Please think of him."

"I am your _first_ born. He means _nothing_ to me. You hid the truth from me."

She stood up and tore the crown off his head. Soldiers in black steel entered the room.

"Take him to the dungeons," the Lady Morgana spoke.

/

Morgana woke up from the dream. She wonders if she will allow herself to give into the darkness she knows has always been apart of her the same way the Lady Morgana gave into it. Morgana knows she's never wanted power for herself. She'd been content being the station of advisor to Morgause in her political career, and she felt more comfortable managing what happened behind the scenes than being the one in the spotlight. Her throat feels tight as if it wants to close in on itself and her heart feels a pang before it spreads to her heart in an electric wave. The window blew open allowing a gust of wind in.

It's daylight.

She remembers the night before when Merlin appeared to be flirting and entertaining Freya at the bar. Her eyes stared up at the ceiling. He has to love her, he has to, he has to love her as she is. Without him, and with Gwen and Arthur gone, she knows she will give into her dark side. The terrifying thing is... she ponders it. She wonders how much more power she could have if she allowed herself into the dark arts. She'd kill Morgause in revenge for her father. She'd probably try to kill Merlin himself, or trap him in a tree, if it meant that she could protect Arthur from him. Her nose crinkles as if she were to sneer. Perhaps revenge for disloyalty. And the pain in her heart flares across her chest again.

She cannot allow herself to think of Merlin negatively. He's never given her a consistent reason, or a very good problematic reason, as to why she should distrust him. He'd given her her memories back knowing the risk of how she could feel about him. And she cannot allow herself to abandon all hope, all ideas of goodness she's clung onto for all these years. There has to be a good firm answer for what she saw last night. Something wants to come up but she chokes it back down.

* * *

The door was locked when he came back home, stumbling drunk. He respected that and slept in his spare bedroom instead.

His morning started with him taking off his shirt he'd slept in from an accumulation of sweat that was unbearable with the heat. And he went into his study, not particularly sure why. Then he saw the disarray of books and the cleverly concealed box had been opened. His eyes widened in horror. He hadn't known what was in the box necessarily but there was such a strange unnerving aura from it. Although it was addressed to Morgana it seemed to be very odd. And he saw books had been thrown from their shelves in a certain direction. He knelt down and saw a black orb. It felt like darkness. An embodiment of the void. Something that should not exist. He picked it up carefully. There was no power in it left, just the lingering darkness. And shards fell onto his hand as he spotted a deep gash in the orb.

His heart started pounding. He wasn't sure what the magical properties of this orb were, but it radiated negative energy. And he focused his power into the orb so that it would turn into dust. Into dust it turned leaving a silvery powdery substance left in his hands.

Merlin walked down the stairs and focused on making himself a coffee. He kept looking up at the stairs wondering when Morgana would be down. Guilt wracks him. He had meant to tell her earlier, it just never came out right. Gwaine pestered him, making a joke about how this would probably be allowed to throwing a bachelor party, and then the time was growing too close that he gave up and left. She looked at him so hurt and betrayed.

He thought of the time he almost killed her.

There were light footsteps coming down the stairs. He pulled her mug from the cupboard.

"Do you want me to make you some coffee?" he shouted.

She didn't respond.

He closed the cupboard and looked over. Morgana stood at the bottom of the stairs wearing a long grey skirt and a bright azure colored tank top, a jacket was nestled on her arm and her small backpack hung off her. His hand abandoned the mug and he walked over to her. Her normally bright colored eyes looked grey.

"Morgana, what's wrong?" he asked her softly.

"I just need some space," she said. "Not for forever, just. Just for the day. Maybe. Most likely."

She looked so pained with a smile as she forced it out. Something was wrong.

"Tell me, please," he begged.

Morgana looked away from him. He put his hand on her shoulder.

"There was an object, a sort of orb," she forced out. "I know you hid it from me. I know Morgause sent it. I don't know how she found me. But it showed you." She looked at him and the betrayal was splashed across her face. "It showed me you with Freya. And you didn't mind that she was coming onto you! Knowing you were with me! Did you even remember me?" Her eyes were watering despite her harsh tone. "It looked like she was about to kiss you and I destroyed it. I destroyed the damn thing."

He could feel her magic eating away at her heart because he could feel it in his own.

"I didn't kiss Freya, and she didn't kiss me either," he admitted.

She looked up at him, wanting to accept this as truth.

"But she did lean into my ear to tell me something," Merlin said. Shut up! He shouldn't tell Morgana!

"What did she... say?" Morgana asked.

"She said that when she saw you. She said that she saw that you would bring darkness."

Morgana jerked her shoulder out of his grip. A cold expression on her face. And the coldness was just as immediately replaced by fear and anxiety. She gripped her hair in the way she did when she was frustrated.

"I'm not leaving you," he said. "She doesn't even remember her past life that well. If at all."

"Her past life! Oh yes, the woman that was cursed to be a hideous beast at nightfall. And you loved her," Morgana said. A wickedness he'd never seen before in her came through. "You wanted so badly to run away with her, and I, the Lady Morgana, almost helped! She loved you! You broke her heart!"

Her face scrunched as he saw her about to cry.

"You broke her heart long before she went dark," Morgana choked.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you in this lifetime!" he snapped. "Please, please Morgana. Just stay. I beg you."

Her shoulders seemed to relax even as she kept a defensive stance against him.

"Freya's good in this lifetime. She has no curse hanging over her. She's good and she's pure and she's innocent," Morgana said bitterly. "I'll see you in the next life."

She ran out the door and he chased after her. But he saw her wave her hand and she turned invisible in front of him. Mordred ran to his side, tired as well. He looked down at the cat whom promptly hissed at him.

"What have I done?" he asked the cat.

Mordred circled around before hanging his head in a sitting position. Merlin carried him home.

* * *

Her leg gave out as she neared the station and her glamour faded. It was more of her upper thigh. Still, it was a strange feeling. And she allowed herself to pant unpleasantly. Her heart sunk as she remembered that she'd forgotten Mordred. She trusted Merlin to take care of him. Everything about her body and her magic felt unnerving. Did it even belong to her? Someone pushed her and she realized she'd have to make a choice. So she put her head up, ignored the searing pain in her leg, and walked into the tube.

She didn't know where she was going. Not really. Morgause was an enemy. She'd already decided on not going back to Merlin's. Her home was likely being watched by Morgause. Arthur had sold his flat long ago. She decided to go to the library, but not Merlin's library. And she got off the train, although aware she was far from where she needed to be but she hadn't taken a different train closer to the library.

Her stomach growled. She strayed into a coffee shop, taking a scone with her coffee. And she sat by the window, eating this sad excuse of a breakfast. Then with a sigh she left.

The library loomed over her and the security guards looked at her with suspicion. She made her way to the top floor. Then she went upon her mission. She gathered as many books as she could on Arthurian lore and placed them on a wide table that went empty until her. Anything that was related to King Arthur made it onto the table. She skimmed through them, looking for how they ended up placing the Lady Morgana. There had to be something, anything, that proved that the Lady Morgana didn't have to be evil. It was a fictional character. A piece of lore. She knew what had happened to the real Lady Morgana of her first life. But she needed the reassurance that fate wasn't binding and that there was hope that she could remain good.

The best sources made Morgan Le Fay to be a sort of estranged half-sister of Arthur who took him to Avalon when dying. Comparable to Lady of the Lake with little backing. And it seemed to align Morgan Le Fay with Morgause, sometimes interchangable on the wickedness. Then it seemed as if all of her sources wanted to make Morgan Le Fay a wicked seductress of Arthur's Knights with malevolent motives and evil. Her eyes were swimming and she closed the last book in her hands. Neutrality seemed to be her best fate if she hoped to accomplish it.

She stood up and started to put the books on the nearest cart of books. It would be better for the library to see what books were being pulled out rather than trying to aimlessly wander in an effort to put them back herself. The last pile of books was in her hands and one that was significantly heavy (at least two books were above seven hundred pages). Then her foot swung around her ankle on the flat ground and she tripped with the books spilling out of her hands. As she fell, she just didn't want the books to have any pages bent. Her palms caught her, and she sat up, annoyed. Then she went to pick up the fallen books embarrassed. Another hand went for an edition of TH White.

"I'm sorry that was," she said quickly.

Morgana stood up with her books and came face to face with an older man who resembled somewhere between Horace Slughorn and the professor in Narnia.

"Arthurian legend?" He asked.

"Erm yes," Morgana said. All sense of cognitive function left her brain.

"Not an usual choice. White isn't necessarily my favorite for the lore."

"Thank you for helping pick up my book. Trip over thin air."

"Not at all. Might I inquire as to your interest in the legend?"

"Just um Morgana or Morgan Le Fay and the demonization of powerful women. I just wanted to see if there was anything that said otherwise."

He put the copy of TH White down on the cart before she put her own books on top of it.

"I hope you found or are closer to finding what you were seeking," he said. "Personally, I think the lore does a disservice to the complexities of Morgana Le Fay."

"Thank you."

She watched as he turned and continued on whatever path he had initially been set on. The last of the sunlight was fading. Her hand clung to the railing of the stairwell as she descended. When she walked out the smell of fresh air and rain stung her nose.

* * *

_When I see you with her, I just see darkness around her. She will bring darkness._

Freya's drunken words haunted him. She wasn't particularly magical or spiritual, yet the words rocked him.

He sat on the couch with Mordred curling up on his legs. Both of them wallowed in a sort of depressive state after Morgana's abrupt departure. Mordred seemed moodier than ever. Merlin wondered if the cat felt as if he had been abandoned as well. And then his small black head perked up and his ears started to swerve. The doorbell rang and the two of them ran for it. He opened the door.

Morgana stood in front of him with her arms holding her and a pained expression. He didn't dare say anything first. She grabbed at her throat for a second and seemingly caught herself before her hand lowered and clutched at the dragon pendant.

"I'm sorry, about this morning," she said. "And, and I felt as if I needed to leave. I don't even think it was really about you. You didn't do anything wrong. And... and I'm so sorry. I just, everything felt so intense and I... I shouldn't have lashed out the way I did. There's... quite a number of things I shouldn't have done. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me for how I acted and what I said. I just come here to apologize for what it's worth. I don't know if if you'll take me back, and. I don't know. I just... I love you with everything I have, Merlin. But if you would rather..."

He cut her off and pulled her into an embrace. He could hear her trying to hold back sniffles and tears. She allowed herself to relax into him and hold onto him just as tight.

"I forgive you," he said. "I'll always forgive you. I love you."

And they stayed like that for what felt like hours even if it was only minutes. He could feel a wet patch forming on his shoulder from her tears. He didn't mind. It didn't matter now. She was back and she was safe.

Then she pulled away and dried her tears with the end of the sleeve of her cardigan.

"I don't know what I'm doing," she cried with a smile.

"Do you want to grab something to eat or just stay in?" he asked cautiously.

"We can go out. That's fine."

Her eyes were still wet but she tried her hardest to keep a wide smile on her face and her hands were crossed together in front of her. He stepped back into his flat and grabbed his coat before closing the door. His hand flitted in the air behind her back before he allowed himself to put his arm across her shoulder.

She seemed more relaxed as she dug into the burger the waiter placed in front of her. He picked at his food, a nearly impossible task. Morgana was back and that was all that mattered. He didn't press about where she had been. She trusted him enough to come back.

Morgana held his hand as they walked back to his flat. A sort of childish feeling captured him and he started swinging there hands lightly where Morgana laughed. He loved her laugh.

He put her cardigan on the coat rack before his own. A gasp escaped her lips. Merlin rushed over to her side. Her hands covered her face.

"What happened to your radio?" she asked. Her eyes went wide as she noticed the large flat screen mounted on the wall.

"Had to sell the radio to an antique dealer just because of spacing. Gwaine's friend was selling it and he helped put it up," Merlin responded.

"Oh but I loved that radio."

She seemed to shrug for no one in particular.

"Get yourself relaxed and then we'll find something to watch together," he said. "Sound good?"

Morgana nodded and he kissed her forehead before she went upstairs.

They ended up watching Friends at Morgana's insistence. Although he'd been in America for a while in the nineties he'd never really caught onto any of the fads. His pick had been the Thick of It with Peter Capaldi, but abandoned it in favor of Morgana. She curled up next to him wearing one of his fishermen jumpers and lounge shorts.

She'd fallen asleep and he carried her up the stairs. He could hear the patter of Mordred's paws just behind him. A small groan escaped her as he put her on the bed. She forced her eyes to open as he stood above her.

"You'll sleep with me tonight?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Of course, Morgana," he said.

He closed the drapes of the window and pulled himself into bed. Shortly after, Morgana seemed to jilt over to him and her arm was across his chest.

* * *

_Authors Notes: So, clearly some liberties taken with the flash back. I also thought it would be fun to pick at Morgana's brain and psychology with the ever looming possibility of being dark like her predecessor and other characters believing she could be. I did not want the angst to drag out so yeah kinda got tricky with deescalating that. I hope you guys enjoyed it._


	13. Journey to Avalon

_part 2_

* * *

_Journey to Avalon_

The autumn weather was creeping in. An overcast made itself apparent the day they left. Gwaine would be house sitting for Merlin while they were away; which more or less aligned with his lease being up and not wanting to renew it as his landlord was becoming a greedy bastard. He gave them a lift to the train station wishing them well. Morgana fidgeted with the collar of her rain coat. It was a simple black rain coat windbreaker that had served her well for years. Mordred sat in her bag hidden from view. She'd risked her life for him and she wasn't about to leave him behind.

Once at the station, they'd been ticketed and their bags had been carried ahead of them by the staff.

"Hold on love," Merlin told her, and he put her hand in the crook of his arm.

She looked up at him curiously before following in step with him. As they kept walking she noticed that they were being led to more lux compartments. The staff put their bags away and stepped out. Merlin's elbow fell out of her hand as her own hand had started to drop. She relaxed into the compartments sofa, surprised as to how well it felt. Mordred also jumped out of his place in the bag onto the sofa.

"You did this?" she asked Merlin.

"Thought I'd do something nice. And it's only the first leg. We'll have to switch trains in Birmingham," he responded.

The train ride went as smoothly as it could. Briefly they made their way to the diner cabin for a late lunch before going back to their compartment. There were bouts of country scenery and the occasional jerk of the train.

There was a longer stop in town before they were yanked back into the view of the countryside. She'd seen animals milling about on the lands. Then the train came to an abrupt halt. Her body jerked forward and she felt Merlin's hand graze her arm.

She's not in the train compartment anymore. Instead she is back in her mother's car, taking the back seat behind Arthur. She wants to curse him for this day for the rest of their life. The snow sticks against the windows. Arthur, for their fourteenth birthday, had for some undeniable reason needed one certain thing. One certain thing that he probably wouldn't have asked for had it not been their birthday. And Uther had stayed at the office late and consequently got stuck at the office by the snow storm.

The problem with mother, wasn't necessarily that she had a problem. Not a real one. No, no she was never abusive, never loud, never put herself ahead of her family. The problem with mother was that she tried so hard to be the perfect mother and selfless woman. Morgana didn't think Arthur ever intentionally took advantage of her. It was in her nature. But Arthur was also a brat and a pain in the ass at fourteen.

While Uther's office had been stuck in snow banks, their little neighborhood only had a slight snow fall and it seemed relatively safe to drive. Assuming all drivers were coherent, paid attention to the streets, and abided by the formalities of driving. So mother gave into Arthur's wants despite Morgana's protests. Initial protests. She couldn't remember why she'd felt so secure in going with them anyway.

That is however, until some careless driver of some truck, whom had probably refused to take a nap on the side of the road as truck drivers oft do, crashed into the side of the car. They'd been given the go. It should've been fine. Arthur shouldn't have been whining.

The side of the car had completely crushed their mother to death. Arthur came out with a few injuries. But she'd been perfectly fine.

"Are you okay? Morgana," Merlin asked.

She looked up at him and he seemed worried beyond all compare.

"Yes, yes I'm fine," she said with a forced smile.

"There was a cow on the tracks," he said.

She nodded at the information before making herself comfortable in the compartment again.

The rest of the journey felt long the trip hadn't been much longer than a few hours. Mordred was hidden again before they carried out their luggage with them.

"Where's the next station again?" Morgana asked as they walked out.

"Snowdon Station," Merlin responded. "And I know a short cut."

They began wandering through Birmingham and narrow street ways. Above it started to thunder. Morgana looked at her phone.

"It's already four thirty and we've been walking in circles, Merlin," Morgana said.

"And our train is at five forty five a nine thirty check in," Merlin responded. "I've been in this city loads of times. I know where I'm going."

"We better get there before it rains."

"It's not going to rain."

They ended up behind pubs where the light was a little more forgiving but not by much. The thunder continued but made no effort to show. Her legs were getting tired and her luggage seemed heavier. She should've put directions in her phone. They had to detour around a construction site that Merlin cursed. Morgana opened her jacket becoming too hot from the walking.

"When was the last time you were in the city, again?" she asked. They came down a narrow street again where the buildings alongside them seemed to be in decay.

"About nineteen seventeen seven," Merlin said. "Last time I got to walk through with leisure."

She huffed and stopped where she was. Mordred poked his head out.

"That's what nearly fifty years ago now," she snapped. "And everything is being gentrified and updated and remodeled, and you didn't think that maybe the streets were entirely the same? And now we're lost. We are absolutely lost, Merlin. And we have maybe an hour generously to get to the station!"

And suddenly he yanked her arm and she and her luggage made a sharp turn around him. She poked around his arm and saw a tall man with stocky shoulders pointing a knife at them.

"Nice pet you have there mate," he said.

Morgana narrowed her eyes at the man as she noticed he was talking to Merlin, ignoring her.

Before the man could continue, or the two of them could respond, one of the decrepit doors burst open. A small figure stood between them and the man.

"Leave them alone!" the high pitched voice shouted.

"Whassit to you girl?" the man growled.

"I'm not a girl!"

The kid lunged at the man with what Morgana noticed to be a knife just a hint larger than the mans. With a swift move of his arm he hit the kid. The kid collapsed against the wall with a groan. She wanted to criticize the kid for wanting to be a vigilante, and decided it was time to protect the three of them. Her hand let go of her luggage and she stepped away from Merlin. The man looked at her with a menacing smile. She knocked a crate over his head. He looked as if he would double over before regaining his composure swiftly. She stepped closer to him with caution. Her eyes darted around looking for anything to fight with. There was one intact window. Morgana focused on trying to break it on the man. And then felt herself gasping for breath. She looked down and saw a large knife cut down across her chest. The pain seared through her as she noticed and she lost her balance. She saw Merlin shoot a ball of fire at the man and he burnt to a crisp in front of her eyes. And the blood kept flowing freely.

* * *

It seemed like a delayed sort of blink. She was laying down and started to pull herself up. The alley was the last clear place she remembered being. Instead she was now in a sort of garden. The sky was dark and cloudy. Yet the greenery around her was illuminated with a sort of bioluminescence that gave it a fantastical feel. There was a building around her of some sort although it was now in ruin.

From the darkness emerged a woman. Morgana stepped closer to her. Then she stepped back. The woman had dark wild ravenous hair and a gaunt face. She wore a black dress that had torn black laced sleeves and a worn velvet bodice. The skirts around her seemed to be silk overlaid with lace. There was dark khol smudged around her eyes. Wild green eyes.

"Lady Morgana," escaped her lips.

"You idiot," she hissed. "This is your last life."

"What do you mean this is my last life?"

"Your soul can be repaired so many times in reincarnation before it becomes too weak to continue!"

"But... I'm just as much me as I am you. Was I wrong?"

"Your soul is bound to mine because it is mine."

Then Morgana noticed that the Lady Morgana was holding something in her hand.

"What is that?" she asked.

Lady Morgana brought it forth. It appeared to be a scepter with a long white rod with bronze holding a rounded emerald gem at the top. There were small wings below the gem embedding the scepter that appeared to be dragon wings upon closer inspection. Diamonds ran through the rod.

"This is yours, or will be yours," Lady Morgana said. "It will help you channel the Goddess."

"I can channel the Goddess?" Morgana inquired.

"The Goddess runs through all life and all magic. She is as much you as I am. You are the most powerful of any incarnation I've had. Even mine."

She looked at the scepter in awe.

"If this Arthur of yours is the One True King, then you must live Morgana," the Lady Morgana instructed. "You are what will bring a new age of magic to the world. Not Merlin. Not Arthur. You. Arthur is only the pin that will keep it together and bring eternal life."

"Does Merlin love me? Me not you," escaped her lips. She wanted to throw her hands across her mouth. All she had done was thought of the phrase.

"You stupid girl! I tell you that you're the most powerful sorceress in eons, and that you are to bring a new age of magic, and that you have _one_ life left. And you ask me about _love_?"

Morgana felt her shoulders sink. And the Lady Morgana must have seen her anguish.

"He does," the Lady Morgana said. "He truly does. Always has. Always will. Especially you."

She felt the wind pick up around her. The Lady Morgana stepped closer to her.

"You mustn't die, you're my last hope. I shouldn't have fallen into darkness and I have hope that you will be the light bringer," the Lady Morgana said.

She could see the light fighting its way in Lady Morgana's eyes. A softness made visible only to her.

"Love, that is all you must do," the Lady Morgana smiled.

* * *

This time she woke up gasping for air and forced her eyes to open. She was laying on a bench at the end of a park where the street lamps and shops lit up the area. Above her hovered Merlin, Mordred on his shoulder, and the kid. The kid looked had a feminine appearing face with short dark brown hair that was badly cut and large brown eyes. Not particularly handsome as the facial structure resembled more of a pug. And the kid wore what were little more than rags.

"You're awake!" Merlin beamed.

"How long was I out?" Morgana asked, her voice dry.

"Bout twenty minutes. We're less than a kilo from the train station," the kid said.

She looked up at Merlin. Then she looked to the kid as she sat up.

"And you are?" she asked trying to make her voice pleasant.

"I'm Tristan," the kid said. "I attempted to save your life."

Tristan's eyes went wide and suddenly dug in their pockets.

"This is yours too," Tristan said.

Morgana stretched her palms out and her pendant was dropped in. The chain had been broken. She blinked away tears.

"I'm sorry, I promise. I had to get it before we got out of there," Tristan said.

"Thank you," she said. "It means a lot to me."

Tristan shook their head. She focused on the chain and it mended itself. Her fingers kept slipping at the clasp before she allowed Merlin to help her. Tristan looked on surprised.

"You're a witch!" Tristan exclaimed.

"Not really," Morgana smiled.

"Well, see you round kid," Merlin said. "And stop with the vigilante antics."

"I'm not a kid!" Tristan protested.

He wanted to push her away and start on their way back to the station. He let out a hiss as Mordred repeatedly hit him in the face with a paw.

"We should take the kid with us," Morgana said.

"Morgana," Merlin sighed.

She looked at him with her best puppy dog eyes. Then he turned around.

"Well c'mon then, we have a train to catch," he said.

"Yes!" Tristan beamed. "We're going to Camelot right?"

Morgana looked at Tristan confused. Merlin looked at her too.

"I've had dreams of it, forever. For as long as I could remember. And I knew after I saw you do magic you looked familiar!" Tristan exclaimed.

"You're a knight, aren't you?" Morgana asked.

Tristan nodded animatedly.

"But you're..." Merlin struggled. "You're too young!"

"I'm not a girl! I know that's what you were going to say!" Tristan cried. "Please, please take me with you. I'm supposed to be a knight. I know I am. It's why my father abandoned me and my mother threw me out. They couldn't fathom their daughter actually being son! I'm supposed to be a knight!"

Mordred nudged at Merlin. He reluctantly put the cat in Tristan's arms. Tristan seemed to stop sniffling at this now distracted by Mordred. Morgana put an arm around Tristan.

"Let's go," she said.

And Tristan walked with them to the station and Merlin had to talk to the ticketing agent about getting another seat in their compartment. Morgana noticed the strange look the woman gave Tristan. Tristan carried Morgana's purse into the train while she worried about the luggage. This compartment seemed to be larger than the one on the previous train. The train jerked as it started to move. Merlin gave Tristan a hoodie and Morgana had to loan him a pair of pants as Merlin's legs were too long.

"Are you guys rich? I didn't think you were that rich," Tristan asked.

He sat on the couch looking up at them.

"More or less," Merlin responded.

"Can we turn on the telly?" Tristan asked.

Morgana gave Tristan the remote before sitting next to him. Outside the dark sky released a storm that ricochetted off the windows. Tristan had fallen asleep with his head on the window and a hand on Mordred. Something about the boy seemed familiar to her but she couldn't quite place it. She'd talk to Merlin about it soon enough.

"We'll have to be there soon enough," Merlin said. "And it shouldn't take too long to get to where we need to.

She looked over at Tristan, "We'll need to get him new clothes before we get there. And probably everything."

Merlin nodded in agreement.

"What's it like there?" she asked.

"Beautiful. Cut off from the modern world by magic. A sort of mist shields it. Protecting the magic. A mortal would come to the border and be dissuaded and turn around by it's shields. And it's not just an isle. The last twenty or so years I've been finding people with magic. All over the world. To protect them and their magic. Quite a number of refugees I should add. We won't be alone. Not entirely. I do have a cottage isolated from everyone else that we'll be staying at."

"It sounds wonderful."

"You'll love it, I'm sure."

He eventually sat next to her and she leaned against him. She hadn't been sleeping for long before he woke her. The sky was still dark but the storm had moved away from them. Tristan had been floored when they offered to get him a new wardrobe and took advantage of it. A new black hoodie was now on him and Morgana swore he reminded her of someone. Merlin didn't seem bothered by the expenses and in an alley, had magicked the new bags into the front of his suitcase.

Merlin had walked them to a farm at the edge of town. Morgana wanted to complain about the strain of carrying everything with them but trusted Merlin enough to know what he was doing without saying much more. Although it was getting late and she was getting nervous now.

At the farm she noticed a box truck and Merlin had gone to the house and knocked on the door. Soon enough an older man walked out and they packed into the truck. A tight fit. And they drove for what felt like forever and she noticed that it soon became more of a forest they were coming into. The street lights ended and that's where the driver let them off.

"Are you sure your parents don't care where you are?" Merlin asked Tristan.

They started walking into the wood and Merlin had waved his hand. His eyes glowed as the stones aligned themselves into a walk path.

"No," Tristan said. "Swear. Mum became fond of her liquor after my dad left. Not that he was ever really around. Business man you know. Didn't really want a bastard leeching off him."

"Does anyone really say bastard anymore?" Merlin asked.

"Wedlock then," Tristan shrugged. "Some Agravaine or another."

"That's an... unusual name," Morgana broke. She looked at him now and realized the resemblance was indeed there, settling her suspicions.

"I guess," Tristan responded.

The stones in front of them turned together to build the path while the rocks behind them dispersed against the landscape once more. Then the trees became thinner and it lead to a sort of clearing. The grass fell into a crescent shape. The moon reflected off the water. And in the distance was a sort of island where a lone tower stood.

"Once we're behind the hill you'll see," he smiled at Morgana.

They walked closer to the edge and Merlin walked into the water. He crouched down feeling for something. He stood up and started pulling on a sort of rope and a small wooden boat emerged from the water. The three of them got in the boat and it guided itself across the lake.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Finally finally made it here. I've been alluding to the death of Ygraine during this story and it finally worked itself into this chapter. __I also loved Morgana meeting her past life. Let me know what you guys think about Tristan. Just because I was a little anxious about making him a teenager and I know teenage / kid characters can become annoying. I was actually intending for another knight to make an appearance instead but that's how it turned out. Definitely Morgana and Arthur's cousin; I know in the show Tristan was their uncle, technically, not a knight. And if I need to alter any language before he says that he's trans I'm absolutely more than willing to do that. I was also kind of thinking about how the reincarnation could've affected other characters and that's where Tristan fit in. JKR can suck it. He is trans. _

_I do intend on making this story more inclusive and hopefully I can do that well. _


	14. What Future May Hold

_What Future May Hold_

An alert came up on her phone. There was a parliament meeting in two days and she was required to show up. She refused to give into the assumptions that since she got married that she would retire and raise babies. A scowl embedded itself on her face. Recruiting had gradually gotten more difficult as the existing witches and druids became skeptical of her claims, and finding any sort of magical being that she could weaponize was nearly a futile effort. She'd been told that magic had slowly started emerging ten years ago. Of course, this emergence was more so the duration of time molasses would move out of the jar even if it was tilted at one eighty. Dragons were accepted to be extinct and the wyvern of Scotland still wasn't found. There was a list of Parliament members she'd drawn up for when she did ascend she'd be able to feed them to whatever creature would be most painful. The idiots and the misogynists would pay their dues. The door to the throne room opened.

She'd scoured for a better psychic and found Eudora. The psychic however irritated her to no end. But she was supposed to be one of the best, and she hadn't been that wrong yet.

"I have news Morgause," Eudora stated. "Morgana has made it to the isle of Avalon."

"Impossible, she hasn't left Emrys' flat in weeks," Morgause hissed.

"She is there, in Avalon. Now we are fighting against time."

"How soon do we have?"

"Time is already running against us. Morgana will rebirth Arthur high spring when the world will fall to chaos. A silent death arriving in his wake. By the summer solstice they will seek to reclaim his crown."

A shadow grew in the room. The darkness under Eudora's eyes hollowed her face.

"And Morgana will unleash a darkness the world has not seen in a thousand years," Eudora said coldly.

"How do I know this darkness is not because she turns on Arthur? That she won't join me?" Morgause questioned.

"This is a power that barely she can control. Great darkness is what I can see in my visions. I have asked the Goddess Divine, Hades, and Freja. This much is true."

Morgause rolled her shoulders in a sigh.

"If that is all you may leave," Morgause said, waving off the psychic.

Eudora glared at her before turning away. Morgause turned to one of the guards.

"Bring in the boy," she ordered.

She had until the solstice to make sure this weapon was prepared if Eudora's predictions were right. Morgause was sure, that if this boy would do, then she would have her claim to the throne solidified before Arthur had the chance to challenge her.

* * *

"Alright that's enough for today," Gwen shouted.

Her students realized that she was ending the days lesson and quickly went to pack up their bags. Her blade fell to her side relaxed and she waved goodbye to the students walking out before going into her office.

She'd been having her own dreams of her past life. She assumed. They faded relatively quickly and sometimes she felt lucid in these dreams. There was a reoccurring dream of going to a village and fighting alongside Morgana and Arthur against bandits. Merlin was there too but he seemed to be more of a shadowy presence in them. It seemed as though it was a part of her past life that had managed to manifest in her current one.

Although she was two years younger than the twins, she didn't find herself pressured to have her life sorted out. She did attempt university which is how she met Morgana, and although successful didn't feel particularly empowered by the experience. Her father would've rather her do something worthwhile with her life, become a doctor of some sort. But she felt content in being somewhat a drifter in her career. Anything she put her mind to she felt she was sure to succeed. And the nannying had been a good paying job but not the best of experiences. Moving to South Africa with Arthur seemed to be a logical progression. And she did like that she was able to do something she loved.

Elyan made an effort to video chat her frequently to see how she was. He was always an over protective sort. She thought it made sense with his previous life being one of Arthur's knights. It made missing him and her dad a little more manageable. They would likely go back to England for the hols.

She grabbed her things from her office and unchained her bike. The weather had been nice and the people had been friendly enough towards her. It didn't go unnoticed by Gwen that Arthur struggled with life in South Africa. There were flashes when he was bordering on being hostile and resentful towards her; it scared her. He'd make up for it quickly and it seemed like this dark aspect of himself didn't really exist. She wished he'd try to be more friendly with Merlin. It was the same Merlin who was his past life's almost brother. But he didn't know any of his past life as far as she knew and he didn't seem concerned with Morgana's new relationship with Merlin outside of her safety.

Her mind had wandered and she ended up at the bakery near the house. She parked her bike and went inside.

"Hello Gwen," Lola charmed her. Lola was the cashier she ended up running into the most when she dropped by. Her hair was newly died orange contrasting with her dark complexion.

"Hi Lola," Gwen smiled. "Can I get four to go?"

Lola nodded and got a box ready.

"Two tuxedo's and two red velvets please," Gwen requested.

"How's Arthur? I haven't seen him in a while," Lola asked.

"He's been busy with work and a bit homesick. I'm hoping the cupcakes will cheer him up a bit."

"Here's to luck. And how are you?"

"Oh I love my job here. The kids are picking it up fast and the parents are nice too. And everything feels good right now."

Lola gave a forced smile. She shouldn't have to worry about Arthur but it shadowed everything else.

The transaction was quick and Gwen waved goodbye before putting the cupcakes in the basket at the front of her bike. Arthur usually went for the tuxedo cupcakes while she was loyal to the red velvet.

There was no doubt in her mind that she and Arthur would get married soon. And that when the time came she would become Queen as well. That's what destiny, fate, had in mind for her, right? She wondered if she would be content with the duties of a Queen after finding solace in South Africa.

* * *

The cottage had been secluded and Morgana woke up to Merlin next to her and the sun creeping through. Her arm was bent above her head and she looked around the room. The walls were cream and as empty as the ones in his flat. She rolled herself over and grabbed her robe.

Morgana made sure her steps were light as she walked through the house. The night before had gone by in such a blur she hadn't been able to notice much in the cottage. There were a few paintings of seashores on the walls. It was the most character the place had with it's simple furniture and cream walls. Her hands floundered with the cupboards as she tried to find a cup for tea. She wondered how much of Merlin's life in as a servant in Camelot affected him. At least he wasn't sleeping on a bed no better than a stone anymore.

A glare came from the kitchen window.

Outside a flock of unicorns ran outside near the lake. The horns varied between a sort of silver and gold and she saw a few younger fouls that had budding horns.

"They've taken years to get their numbers anywhere close to what they were before Camelot," Merlin said, walking up behind her. "They'll drift apart during the day after this."

"They're beautiful..." Morgana sighed.

"Get ready, we have a lot of people to meet today."

Merlin started to make breakfast in the kitchen and Morgana finished making her tea before taking it upstairs with her. She decided on a pair of grey colored trousers and a white button up along with a pair of brown combat boots that looked like they would work for the terrain.

Tristian's head poked out of his room as she started walking back to the kitchen.

"Was that?" he murmured.

"Merlin's making breakfast," Morgana said. "Wash up before you come eat."

He nodded his head and closed his door again.

It was more so Tristian asking the questions about Avalon at this point during breakfast. Morgana had let slip the unicorns which led to a very over excited Tristian. Merlin as a result promised that they'd encounter the unicorns later in the day.

There was a village around the hill and Morgana grabbed her peacoat before walking out the door. She scolded Tristian to grab the windbreaker they had bought him as he had intended to walk out wearing a hoodie. There was a cobblestone path that led to the village and Tristian walked ahead of them. Morgana had her hand linked around Merlin's bent arm. Briefly she wondered if she really needed to have a baby of her own. Tristian was technically her cousin, a fact he didn't really need to know, but taking him in made them feel like a family.

"What are you thinking about?" Merlin asked her.

"I'm thinking it's odd that the nature is so preserved here," Morgana said.

"The magical barrier deflects mortals."

She shrugged. They came across the hill and Tristian was beaming and jumping.

Below the hill was a small village. The architecture was on the older side, with a few buildings looking closer to mid twentieth century.

"There have been a few architects that have had influence on the village over the years being magical themselves," Merlin said.

The village moved slowly as they entered. Morgana noticed the bakery and a school among the complexes.

"Why is there a distribution center?" Tristian asked obnoxiously.

"There's a number of refugees here," Merlin explained. "A few go into the town over for supplies so they aren't exposed."

"So, you're keeping illegals here?" Tristian asked curiously.

"No one is illegal, Tristian," Morgana corrected.

"Yvonne is a lawyer in town and she's working on establishing visa's and documentation for a lot of the people," Merlin said.

"Oh, that's good," Tristian said.

They walked into the plaza where it seemed like everyone was gathering. Morgana's eyes widened. The village was indeed small. But there seemed to be a larger group of younger people as well as a number of older and middle aged as well. Some had more blonde and eurocentric features but the majority seemed to be from outside the European continent.

"You helped all these people?" Morgana asked Merlin.

"I've had help," he said.

And he made sure the people knew Morgana and Tristian as friends, and that Tristian was a reincarnated Knight that was to help. And then the people came up to them, wanting to introduce themselves and know the newcomers. Morgana felt a warm glowing energy coming from these people and she felt as though she was reconnecting with family. She'd never felt so welcome or at home before this.

She was introduced to people that work with the apothecary and other tasks among the village. Then there was Cynthia, another run away youth, who had deep red hair and freckles and blabbed about going into town as well whenever she didn't have to go to school. Merlin encouraged her to show her magic and Cynthia created a small wave of butterflies. Tristian was impressed and Cynthia blushed deeply.

"Cynthia, would you mind showing Tristian the village? We're quite new to this," Morgana encouraged.

"But..." Tristian fumbled.

"I'd love to!" Cynthia beamed.

Cynthia grabbed his hand and they ran into town. Morgana smiled.

She said hello to the last of the villagers before she and Merlin walked around. It impressed her how Merlin had been able to work with the people to create such a place. Magical lessons took place during the day for older people and a sort of traditional education was made for the younger children, and night classes were for the older crowd as well who wanted to get an education. There was a further intricate system that didn't seem to register in her brain as fast.

There was a small gazebo on the water that Merlin led her to. He had a beaming smile excited to show it to her. She wasn't sure why but she followed him regardless. The white wood had designs carved into it. Swans swam in the lake.

"I think it's strange how there's so many people here," Morgana mused. "I don't think the isle was ever intended to be occupied to this extent. I mean, the castle fell into ruins back when Camelot was strong."

"There was a sorcerer I found, Rhys, he encouraged me to work with him to develop it into a safe haven," Merlin said. "He's the reason for a majority of the buildings in town. Perhaps back in Camelot we didn't need to be under Avalon's protection because the world seemed so big. But it's gotten more modern, more advanced, and we needed some place to grow."

"There wasn't a Rhys in..."

"He died. Ten years ago. Just age caught up with him."

"I'm so sorry."

"It happens."

"I'm really glad you turned Avalon into a sanctuary. The world needed some kindness."

A dark shadow passed over the lake. Merlin grumbled. Morgana held onto the railing of the gazebo and looked up. The clouds were dense but they hadn't left the darkness on the lake.

"That was strange," Morgana said.

"I think someone wants to meet you," Merlin sighed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's not really a good thing either."

"Wait, I thought we met everyone in town?"

He opened his mouth as if to explain where his caution was coming from before closing it again. Merlin grabbed her hand and they started walking again. His reluctance to introduce her unnerved her. Moreso his reluctance to explain. She wanted to pick at his brain but had to focus on walking the unmanaged earth.

The wood had been cut back a bit for agriculture. Morgana noticed a stable but noticed there wasn't a sort of space for agricultural animals.

"Some of the villagers came from the Middle East. It also didn't seem efficient to raise cows and pigs in the area here anyway," Merlin said as if to read her mind. "And I would get one of the horses but where we're going it doesn't seem to be the brightest of ideas."

"So, we're still walking," Morgana huffed.

If she'd known they would be walking this long she would've ran into town for a canteen of water. She pulled her pea coat over her as they walked through the wood.

It wasn't a mountain side they came to, not really. There were a few goats on the side of the cliffs. And then they came to a large cave opening. There were a few scattered pieces of wood as they came to it which Merlin grabbed. He enchanted it to become a torch before they approached the cave. Morgana held onto his hand, walking behind him. There was the dripping of water the deeper they went into the cave.

A set of large gold eyes came face to face with them. Merlin shouted another spell and torches lit up the side of the cave as well. A large black dragon was in front of them.

"Morgana, this is Astarot," Merlin said. "He's the only son of Aithusa."

Her hand raised to cover her mouth. Aithusa had been one of her strongest visions and the love she'd had for the dragon resurfaced.

"Hello Morgana," Astarot said. His voice wasn't juvenile but he didn't sound outrageously wise.

"Hello," Morgana cried. "I'm delighted to meet you."

Astarot had strong features and his large fanged teeth stood out to her. She could see gold and red hidden in his scales hidden with the light of the torches.

"I am glad to meet the reincarnated family of my mother," Astarot said.

Morgana had let go of Merlin's hand and walked closer to the dragon. It was a strange sort of pull. As though she was meant to meet Astarot. He dropped his head and closed his eyes as Morgana's hand stretched out to him. She could feel the magic in him and an overwhelming heat from his scales. His eye opened concentrating on Morgana.

"Morgana, we should go!" Merlin called out. Worry was evident in his voice.

Her hand dragged itself across Astarot as his body laid down. His magic was overwhelming her in a way that Merlin didn't.

"Were the Pendragon's ever dragon riders?" she asked.

"The dragons grew too proud, but at one point they did. Long before Uther and his father," Merlin responded. "Morgana, we need to go!"

She didn't think she wanted to listen to him. It was a strange sort of climb with the spiked scales that came from Astarot. And she was on his back holding onto his scales. Her body jerked as she noticed that Astarot was taking off with her. The sunlight assaulted her eyes as they came out of the cave.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Okay this update took longer than expected. Morgause is back to scheming again and I wanted to give some time to Gwen's perspective in this story. __I think some of the difficulty came in from "ok there in Avalon now and I've had this mapped out but how is this execution supposed to happen?" In the following chapters more of the Avalon residents are going to be explored and introduced, I think this chapter was just setting up the ground work more so. I also think that because a lot of the residents came from varying backgrounds that although they are now a part of this magical utopia, it doesn't cancel out their culture. Can you tell I've been working on bringing Astarot into this story? :)_

_I'm also leaving to my parents again in a few days. I don't think I'll be taking my laptop with me, and I'm debating on investing in a sort of iPad for situations like this, so I do believe that the next update will probably be in October the soonest. And I think that because I've worked in a few plot lines this chapter it shouldn't be a drastically long hiatus after that. I'm hoping. _

_Definitely feel free to leave a review, it does end up being motivating knowing people are still reading this._


	15. Devil's Keep

_Authors Notes: I hope you guys are still enjoying the story even as it moves from semi realism into this magical canon- compliant but not really development. In placing a "voice" for Astarot, I've deduced Michael Fassbender would be my top pick. _

* * *

_Devil's Keep_

Merlin looked up as Astarot flew away with Morgana. He knew he could easily call Astarot back to him and the dragon would have to follow his order. Reluctantly, he continued to watch until Astarot was little more than a charcoal dust blimp in the sky.

As much as he wanted to believe his destiny was tied to Morgana, he had to consider that her destiny would've also led to Astarot.

With a sigh, he started back down the mountain.

As he walked into the village he felt a certain anxiety in the air. Tristian and Cynthia weren't around. Then Zinnia came up to him. She wore a cyan colored dress that contrasted against her dark skin.

"The Council is requesting your presence," Zinnia said.

"Thank you," Merlin said.

He looked into the bakery where they had their more informal meetings. The Council was there waiting for him. So he took a breath and walked in.

Council woman Yusuf was an old witch with one eye going bad but she was more in tune with the Triple Goddess and the magics than most in the village. He sat across from the old woman. The Council was made up of the more accomplished sorcerer's he'd been able to find, regardless of age.

"There is a war coming," Yusuf said.

"Who would we be fighting against?" one of the younger boys asked.

"A false puppet king," Yusuf said. "I cannot determine who the puppetier is, but it will be a summer battle."

"How would you recommend we prepare ourselves?" Merlin questioned.

"Our magic is stronger even among our young. We should make more effort to focus on combative magics," Yusuf suggested.

"Will our magic be enough to defend ourselves if they come at us with a modern military or technology?" Antonio asked; the man had previously been a Spanish merchant down south.

"The one true king will rise," Yusuf foretold. "He will be our best defense going into this battle."

Merlin sighed and the Council looked among themselves.

"We should start preparing our sorcerer's for this battle," Merlin said. "Perhaps we should also scout for ally's that did not join us here, and other magical folk."

"Shape shifters can't be trusted," Irma said.

"There are few of us here, we'll need all the reinforcements we can get," Antonio stated gently.

Irma scowled.

"Where is the witch?" Yusuf asked.

The bickering of the Council died. They looked at him. _Witch._ It didn't feel more than a few years since the time Kilgarrah had referred to Morgana as such.

"She's where she was meant to be," Merlin said. He hated taking such a political approach but they had a hard time trusting Astarot.

Council woman Yusuf looked through him. She waved her hand. The meeting was adjourned.

* * *

She pressed her face against Astarot's scales. They had been flying for what felt like hours and the wind stung her face if she tried to look up more directly. It left her blind and unknowing where Astarot was taking her. Then suddenly she felt a descent. They stayed that way for a while before she could pull herself away from him again. Below was an island that looked black. Tall towers rose from the sea around it.

Astarot descended and she slid down his leg to the ground. The island was too small to be from a volcanic eruption. It wasn't completely a gravel material as she found black sand near the sea.

"It is the remains of an eruption contrary to your thoughts," Astarot said.

"You can read my mind?" she asked.

"No, but I'm sure it's what you would think."

She looked around. The island was deprived of any life forms and there was a more hill like structure to it than she gave it credit for.

"Merlin believes the cave is my home," Astarot said. "This is my true home, guarded by a magic that evades even him."

The dragon started walking and the ground rumbled beneath her. Morgana had to jog to catch up with the great dragon. There was another cave, much larger than the one in Avalon. Gold shimmered illuminating the walls.

"Come, there is something only I trust you to see," Astarot said after a while.

There was another tunnel in the cave and another cave outlet after it. A small pond shimmered a magical blue. Astarot laid down. She followed his gaze. There was a small mound in the middle of the room. Morgana walked over cautiously. The mound was a nest. Three large eggs rested in it. The room was dark and the little neon blue light discolored the eggs. She looked over at Astarot.

"Dragon's only need a will to give birth regardless of sex," Astarot explained.

"Merlin doesn't know... does he?" Morgana asked. It was simply a formality at this point.

"He does not. Perhaps when the time comes he will figure it out. But I trust you to guard my kin."

"But... he's a Dragon lord, why would you trust me?"

"My mother trusted you. You know the sorrows and empathy better than Merlin. He's perhaps lived too long to remember any of that fully. But what does a silly dragon like me have a right to say something like that?"

"I'll keep your secret."

Astarot's eyes opened and closed gently. He reminded her of Mordred.

"It is my hope dragons will roam the earth once again," Astarot said. "To not live in fear. The time of magic is near once again."

Morgana willed herself to sit on the floor. It felt like pumice.

"I assume you are familiar with the witch?" he asked her.

"Morgause, yes," Morgana said.

"She's building an army as we speak. Whatever Merlin hopes to achieve in the next five months will not be enough."

"Why five months? Is that when she's attacking?"

"A silent plague will throw the world out of balance. In fact, it already is. But mortals do not know that but I can smell it in the water and in the air. This will be the first obstacle to Arthur's crown. You may think the witch is the biggest threat. She is not."

She avoided Astarot's gaze.

"Arthur will need me," Astarot said.

"What for? It'd be hard to hide a dragon in battle," Morgana scoffed.

His neck elongated towards her. Morgana could see flecks of red in the gold of his eyes.

"But the Pendragons earned their name for a reason."

* * *

Tristian wandered around with Cynthia. He listened closely as she explained her favorite things about Avalon. They'd wandered through various slips of the town. She had small freckles around her nose and a darker one under her pupil. He'd been too busy distracted by her that it took him a moment to realize they'd wandered into the forest. The trees grew darker. Then there was a small clearing. It wasn't so much a clearing as the trees were sparse together and the sky was open. There was a pool with a large willow tree next to it.

"I'll see a unicorn around here on the occasion," she said. "They frequent it. I don't know why yet. But if you ever come here to see one, just sit on that bench." It was more so a felled tree than a proper bench. "Don't make a sound and they'll let you watch. If you get lucky, one might even come up to you."

"I thought they just came to virgin girls," Tristian said.

"Perhaps because they're the most pure of heart off that's noticeable to other humans. But anyone pure of heart can earn their trust."

Then she grabbed his hand again and there was a narrow dirt path they began to follow. Occasionally a tree's branches would arch over the path. The leaves were already falling. It seemed more like an ascent.

They'd gotten to higher ground and Tristian could see a castle in the distance. Or maybe a cathedral. It was falling apart from what he could spot before the path dipped below again.

"What's the ruin up there?" Tristian asked.

"It's where we're going now come on," Cynthia grinned.

The grass had turned yellow the closer they approached. The ruin must have been beautiful once.

"Merlin told me this is where Nimue had fought him once," Cynthia said. "He didn't tell me much of the story beyond that."

"And that was a thousand years ago..." Tristian said, he looked around the ruin in awe.

The ceiling had long fallen out. There were still a few rubbled stones against the walls but it was difficult to tell where any of them had come from. Small stones rolled under his feet.

"This was the holy place of the followers of the Triple Goddess one time," Cynthia continued. "Can you feel it? I'm sure the magic of this ruin protects us."

Tristian rolled a stone under his foot. She turned around and looked at him. It wasn't quite malice but it wasn't true understanding.

"What's wrong?" she asked. It came out harsh.

"Merlin fought here a thousand years ago and he looks the same. He said I was reincarnated and... I feel out of place," Tristian said, continuing his focus on the rock.

"Why is that? The people in town will love you."

Her eyes widened.

"Have I stolen too much of your time?" she asked afraid.

"No!" Tristian protested. "I'm just, I'm not really a boy. I'm not a boy like I was to be a thousand years ago. Even my parents looked down on me. And I haven't been to school in years. I'm probably the biggest block head in this town."

"You have people that love you now and accept you. A chosen family can be just as strong as the people that brought you in. And if you're that concerned about school then I can tutor you until you catch up."

His foot stopped playing with the rock. Briefly, he wondered if he was really worth all the trouble. Cynthia gave him such a sweet smile and walked over to hold his hand. She was right. Avalon was willing to be his home.

* * *

Astarot had landed in the woods allowing Morgana to dismount. Then he flew back and she wondered if it was to the cave or to the volcanic island. It was odd that there wasn't any sort of vegetation and she'd heard volcanic soil was usually good to growth. Perhaps it was the fact that the island was still North rather than near the equator.

Her hand rested on the hilt of the sword she'd been given from Astarot as she walked out. The sky was growing more grey and the village wasn't too far. The weight was odd on her side. Astarot had breathed dragon fire on it. He was sure it would protect her and do it's duty to her. Then she saw Merlin walk up the stone walk way towards her. He ran towards her and she tried to up her pace without throwing herself off. He hugged her tightly and she was surprised.

"You've been gone for hours," he said.

He brushed a hair out of her face.

"Astarot wanted to get to know me," she said. Not a complete lie. "And he gave me this sword."

She unbelted the holster. Merlin held the scabbard and pulled the sword out only just. The hilt was silver embedded with emeralds and diamonds.

"He gave it dragon fire," he said sorrowfully.

"You can tell?" she asked.

"I can feel the magic radiating off of it."

He put the sword back into it's holder before giving it back to her gently.

"The Council wants us to prepare for war," he said.

"I don't think I'm surprised knowing Morgause," Morgana said.

"They said it was a false king that would wage it, not Morgause."

"Then she's behind it."

"Morgana..."

They dropped the subject and walked into town. Cynthia and Tristian waited for them in one of the restaurants eagerly. Morgana sat next to them while Merlin walked off.

"So how was your day?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh it was great," Tristian beamed. "Cynthia showed me the ruins around here and then we watched the unicorns for a while."

Then Cynthia started talking and Tristian would add on something once in a while. Morgana kept her smile and would nod. She hoped they wouldn't notice her absence. Her discussion with Astarot today weighed on her. He wanted to train her, but it looked like now she would also have to make time to train with the residents. She was sure it would help her strengthen her bond with them.

"I got everything to go," Merlin said.

"Fantastic," Morgana said.

"I think I want to hang out with Cynthia a little longer," Tristian said.

"Not a problem, just be home at a reasonable hour," Merlin nodded.

They started back to the cottage.

She picked at her noodles. War was inevitable at this point. There was a false king that would make their duty even more difficult. Morgause was a wild card and so far hadn't been able to drum up any trouble for them at this point. Astarot, she wanted to trust the dragon, but he was pushy about contributing to this future war as Arthur and herself would need him. Arthur. She didn't want to bring him into war. Yet it seemed inevitable that his past life would need to resurface for them to win and to take the crown back. Morgause was her friend. And it seemed silly now that she hadn't gone after her before for the last blow. There was a dull ache that pressed her heart. It seemed easier before. Their only obstacles had been a nuisance Morgause and the current Royal family. Although over throwing them, while a reality, hadn't seemed difficult.

"I offered to leave to find new allies," Merlin said. "You should actually eat."

"Never mind what I eat," Morgana grumbled. She forced a smile again. "But that's good that you're searching for allies."

"I'll be gone until the new year."

The fork clattered against the table.

"When did this happen?" she asked.

"During the Council meeting today," he admitted.

"Alright. Well, I'll go with you. When do we leave?"

"You shouldn't Morgana."

"Why not?"

"You need to train with the others here. And I'm sure Astarot would enjoy your company. Besides, I don't think either of us would want to leave Tristian behind."

She rested the fork against her plate. He was right. He always had to be right. It made sense that even if she was strong with only a few months of training, staying here to better her combat skills would make her valuable when war did come. His free hand stretched out to meet hers.

"I won't be gone forever, it's just a few months," he said with a forced smile.

"But I'll miss you and you're worse with technology compared to me so I can't even face time you," Morgana sighed. Yes, she knew she was being if anything, a little pathetic.

"Then I'll call you every other day."

"Until you tell me you're so busy you can only call me twice a week, and then only once a week."

"I wouldn't do that to you. And Morgana, I mean it. I will call you."

"I'd like to think, well, being apart couldn't be that hard and being apart is probably something that we'd need sooner or later..."

"I knew you'd-"

"But it doesn't mean I like it at all. And I think it's absolutely unfair that we have to do more preparation to get Arthur onto his rightful throne where it leaves us away from each other."

Her hand wanted to shrink from his.

"We knew this would happen, one day," he said sadly. "It'll be faster than you think and Arthur and Gwen will remember their past lives more clearly and everything will work out."

"I never wanted to go to war," she sighed.

"I don't think anyone ever does."

They cleaned up after themselves and forced a brighter attitude when Tristian got home. He was tired and on his way to bed.

"I guess I won't be that different from my last lifetime. Stuck in a quiet village that's perfect and secluded and protected," Morgana huffed as she scraped the dishes.

"Morgana..." Merlin tried.

She put the last utensil away. He had tried to do the dishes to be polite, and for once she actually wanted to do the dishes. Actually, it just made her feel bad standing around when he did them. Which seemed pretty frequently as she thought about it.

He turned the lights off after they'd gotten ready for bed. Morgana slept by the door not the window which seemed odd. She held onto his hand as he laid facing the ceiling.

"When will you go?" she asked.

"I'll leave at the end of the week. It'll be enough time to introduce you formally to the Council, and make sure you and Tristian are adjusted well here, and make sure all the preparations are outlined," he replied. "Then I'll probably start in Canada and work my way around."

"I don't want you to go."

"I know."

His eyes followed her as she leaned up. Her hands brushed against his face and his bare chest. But her eyes were full of sadness. There was no lust controlling her. And her hands tried to remember the shape of his jaw and the firmness of his chest. He'd be away from her for months. And she wanted to remember every part of him that she could. She couldn't take his existence for granted. For the most part she hated touching other people's faces knowing that it was always possible to accidentally clog a pore and have them potentially develop an outbreak. It wasn't to be shallow inherently. It just seemed to annoy anyone in existence. Yet neither of them cared as her hands and her lips tried to remember what his face felt like.

* * *

She sat in at Council meetings with Merlin. So far the progress with combative training was promising. Then she pushed the subject of what they wanted after Arthur took his place as King. If they were just going to usurp the current Royal family and do nothing to change the system, then what were they really doing? They contemplated the idea of the Council still advising Arthur, and perhaps create a Parliament that would work with the other two governing bodies. And those that did not have legal status would be granted it at the change of power. Merlin had seemed impressed at her initiative. The rest of the Council members decided to mull over the possibilities of change and decided it was best to create a more solidified plan when Arthur joined them.

Merlin would be leaving in the morning. Tristian had seemed frustrated with him leaving but understood what the plan meant. They walked away from the trainees into the woods. Morgana had her arm in the crook of Merlin's arm. She hoped it wouldn't be the last time. They came to a large pond that had a willow hanging over it. The full moon reflected in the water. And there was a unicorn that was drinking from it. Morgana realized the shimmer around the unicorn was magic. Quietly, Merlin led her over to a fell tree. They watched the unicorn in silence. Then it looked up at them.

The unicorn walked over to them. Merlin put his hand out and the unicorn rested against it. Morgana smiled at the sight. Then it looked over at her. It's eyes went wide and it reared. Merlin shielded her as the unicorn ran away.

Her shoulders dropped.

The unicorn hadn't liked her.

Her mind went to look for any possibility the unicorn wouldn't like her.

"I'm sorry about that," Merlin said, helping her up.

She nodded, looking at the ground.

"Here," he said.

Morgana focused back on Merlin spotting a box in his hand. Cautiously she reached for it. In the box was a ring that was silver with amethyst stones and diamonds. It wasn't a large or flashy ring. She looked up at him with her mouth in a circle.

"I want to promise you that I'll come back and there's a future for us," he said.

She clutched the box to her chest and went to hug him. He hugged her tighter. They would have to fight for the future they wanted, but they'd do it together. She was sure he'd be safe on his travels. There was a part of him that he left for her.

He would come back to her.

* * *

_Authors Notes: Well, I kinda finished this in the middle of a mental breakdown... more or less. So I kinda decided to just post it. Astarot is definitely going to be a sort of grey character like Kilgarrah. Arthur and Gwen are definitely going to come back soon. I'm also sketching out how much longer this will or could go on. But anyway, here's a happier ending..._


End file.
